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Leaving the temple
(If this has been broached already...apologies. I didn't find it in a search.)
I got the most interesting e-mail from my teacher today. My teacher's teacher's teacher, a 7th Dan, will be quietly visiting the area in a few weeks...and has 'invited' me to train with him. (I'm reminded of the Godfather line 'I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse...') Being a combat veteran from Vietnam, one who has reputedly actually used his karate to kill, I suspect he will be 'old school'...very 'pragmatic'. I'm sick with nerves about meeting this guy, as I'll probably be evaluated.
My (rambling) point is this: up till now I have practiced karate/kobudo only with my teacher. That privacy/intimacy has allowed training to become a spiritual path...it led directly to a guru, kensho and Buddhism. I've never trained in public...heck...in 3 years my kids has not even seen me practice. Partly because I can't explain this path rationally to pragmatic martial artists, regular folks write me off as a nutty old lady probably on an empowerment trip, and most Buddhists that I meet just don't 'go there'.
It's....private...darn it! Somehow...I feel like that character from the old Kung Fu show...being tossed out of the temple into the snow/the wide world. I want to stay an apprentice.
I got the most interesting e-mail from my teacher today. My teacher's teacher's teacher, a 7th Dan, will be quietly visiting the area in a few weeks...and has 'invited' me to train with him. (I'm reminded of the Godfather line 'I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse...') Being a combat veteran from Vietnam, one who has reputedly actually used his karate to kill, I suspect he will be 'old school'...very 'pragmatic'. I'm sick with nerves about meeting this guy, as I'll probably be evaluated.
My (rambling) point is this: up till now I have practiced karate/kobudo only with my teacher. That privacy/intimacy has allowed training to become a spiritual path...it led directly to a guru, kensho and Buddhism. I've never trained in public...heck...in 3 years my kids has not even seen me practice. Partly because I can't explain this path rationally to pragmatic martial artists, regular folks write me off as a nutty old lady probably on an empowerment trip, and most Buddhists that I meet just don't 'go there'.
It's....private...darn it! Somehow...I feel like that character from the old Kung Fu show...being tossed out of the temple into the snow/the wide world. I want to stay an apprentice.
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Comments
In a sense, being obliged to go public is a challenge to our own sense of our value. It calls the bluff of our vanity (if we have any) or our fear, or whatever.
Practising our discipline is safe enough when we can stay safe and cocooned. They acid test comes - as in the tenth Ox-Herding Picture - when we can re-enter the marketplace with arms hanging loose.
Cross the bridge when you come to it. Your fear of the situation is probably much worse than the situation itself. Enjoy it. Look at the all the thoughts, worries and fears that are going through your mind while you anxiously await the day. They'll tell you a lot about yourself. You already know this. I'm just reminding you. lol!!
Enjoy these opportunities for inner inspection and outer inspection by another. Go limp, figuratively of course. lol!!