Attachment And You Know It

ThailandTom

How would you deal with this situation. You have somebody in your life who you are somewhat attached to and you know them being in your life will cause more harm than good. How would you go about not being attached and dealing with the emotions and experiences that would come with that?

RebeccaS

Cut them out of your life.

Boom.



Seriously, if they're causing you more harm than good then it's time to walk away. You'll have to lick your wounds for a while but it'll get better with time.

ThailandTom

I guess I knew the answer before I asked but did not want to hear it. It is so easy to keep in touch with people these days that you shouldn't want to keep in touch with though. I guess with time though things will heal, just like a break up from a profound relationship. Cut the attachment cut the suffering?

vinlyn

Hold on now.

I think it depends on the balance.

If it's overwhelmingly on the negative side...okay...drop them.

If it's somewhat closer to a balance, I would say set down some rules and show compassion.

ThailandTom

vinlyn said:

Hold on now.

I think it depends on the balance.

If it's overwhelmingly on the negative side...okay...drop them.

If it's somewhat closer to a balance, I would say set down some rules and show compassion.

Could you elaborate? It is complicated, it is someone I met 3 years ago in Thailand (not a Thai national), and we kept in touch as she was traveling and went back to her country in Northern Asia. Then after I met my current partner. The thing is relationships/friendships that are 100% over the internet propose their own problems.

vinlyn

Well, perhaps I can give 2 examples.

My ex (a long time ago) was very, very, very emotionally needy, and could be destructive (literally) both in terms of physical things and emotional blackmail. End of relationship.

Another "almost ex" (never got to living together)...well, we could get into arguments, sometimes over silly things, and he could become attached to opinions about me, but still we have been able to maintain a friendship at a distance because it's not overwhelming negativity and we really do care about each other.

It comes down to -- how much can you tolerate.

ThailandTom

hmm I see, @vinlyn I can relate to example 2, my first serious relationship which ended 6 years ago now was with a girl who I still talk to and is a friend of the family back in the UK now. There is no attachment or bad feelings on my part at least.

Anyway this was not a relationship with this person I am refering to, I was in the lobby of a hotel with some Thai people and she was by herself and was ill. She needed to get somewhere to get a taxi to the airport and we all looked at her and thought she needed some help, so I had to go over and say hello and get her to where she needed to be. We met in person for literally 20 minutes, but we have kept in touch since. However, there was some attachment to that moment and thus this person. However, as I said things are never easy or the same over the internet. I am stuck in between cutting her from my life totally or not. I wish I could just accpet things as they are, but I can't seem to with this one. Heck, I still have my partner as well :-/

karasti

Sometimes things just die off naturally and it's ok to let them go. If you are feeling forced in maintaining it, it's possible she is feeling the same, and may even be feeling indebted to keep in contact because of your interaction. Do you have to just cut her out completely, or can you just stop maintaining the friendship and see what happens? There have been times where I tried to keep friendships going that were trying to die off and I didn't let them. There have also been times I've tried to ditch friendships and found resistance from the other person and found that I should give it another try, and would up with some wonderful friendships because of it (online only as well). So, it can go either way. But perhaps the relationship is taking it's own natural course and you are trying to force it one way, or the other, when it would be best to let it run the course.