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Dating

Pollyanna83Pollyanna83 Explorer
in Buddhism Basics
I have been practicing Buddhism for several years now and find that I'm coming to a fork in the road when it comes to dating. I have little desire to date but feel its pressures all around me. I would prefer to be single and develop healthy honest relationships with the men I meet. I am not suggesting that a romantic relationship stems from a place of dishonesty, I would just prefer that my relationships with men not go there. This is all sort of bubbling up for me and I'm trying to sit with it and get beyond the idea that a happy life means being in a romantic partnership. Am I alone here?

Comments

  • mfranzdorfmfranzdorf Veteran
    Not to over simplify this, but, do whatever the heck you want and ignore the pressures you are feeling. Easier said than done I suppose, but you know what situation is best for you.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    No, you are not alone. I feel that way too. I had a relationship with a woman but that kind of got it all out of my system. Sex is just for comfort to me and a relationship is demanding.

    I think the hard part is that your peers will all pair off and have rugrats. But maybe you will just feel this way for a couple of years?
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    What other people choose to do never phased me. You know what's best for you. To thine own self be true.
    karasti
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    If you don't wanna date, then don't date :) The pressures will go away as you get older (in theory, I guess it depends how old you are, lol) as people settle into their life decisions. I'm friends with people of all types, and every last one of them is happy with their choices, and no one pressures them about relationships, children, pets, or anything else. Live and let live becomes much more prevalent when you are 30+, at least in my experience. One of my closest friends lives with her bf and has been with him for many years now, with no plans to marry, and even they don't get pressure from anyone anymore, including family. If you are happy, then that is all that matters.
    RebeccaSJeffrey
  • Pollyanna83Pollyanna83 Explorer
    I'm 30...and I'd say the pressure comes more from me than anyone else, is this something I should sit with?
  • footiamfootiam Veteran
    Pollyanna83 said:

    I have been practicing Buddhism for several years now and find that I'm coming to a fork in the road when it comes to dating. I have little desire to date but feel its pressures all around me. I would prefer to be single and develop healthy honest relationships with the men I meet. I am not suggesting that a romantic relationship stems from a place of dishonesty, I would just prefer that my relationships with men not go there. This is all sort of bubbling up for me and I'm trying to sit with it and get beyond the idea that a happy life means being in a romantic partnership. Am I alone here?

    I thought this is a democratic country. I suppose you won't be pressured if you do not allow others to. Just relax and let life takes its course. If you meet someone nice, why not. If not, why not. Both ways, there are good things to look forward to. Just relax and if you can't, maybe you can start to do your own pressuring. Pressure people to mind their own business!
  • ZeroZero Veteran
    Pollyanna83 said:


    I have little desire to date but feel its pressures all around me.

    I would just prefer that my relationships with men not go there.

    This is all sort of bubbling up for me and I'm trying to sit with it and get beyond the idea that a happy life means being in a romantic partnership.
    Am I alone here?

    You're not alone in the sense that many go through what you're going through but you are alone in the sense that only you have to go through it.

    Sit and get beyond the idea of yourself.

    Pressure / preference / trying - they have side effects - much like friction produces heat - less heat and perhaps you won't bubble so much.

    Irony is, the day you look back and think 'I've done it!', you'll meet the right guy for you!!
    Jeffrey
  • Wisdom23Wisdom23 Veteran
    I am in a relationship and all i will say is being close and sharing your time with someone u love is oh such a wonderful thing. if you gut wants you to date then do it dont deny it to yourself and date. surpressing it may only make it worse.

    I hope this helps and i wont babble on anymore
  • OneLifeFormOneLifeForm Veteran
    I feel the same way @Pollyanna83 .

    I have some strong aversion to female interactions actually.

    Someday though I will likely be going on a date, sometime, somewhere if the body and mind complex is still functioning.

    Females mirror my neuroses painfully well :)
  • skullchinskullchin Veteran
    The greatest learning and transformation come from love and suffering. But, even though I am a happy husband and father, I wish I'd gone on some long retreats before I had kids.
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