adopting children and that 9-month period you otherwise don't miss

sova

Hello everybody

Lately I have been thinking about adoption. I am a large proponent, as I think it is very sensible and responsible to help alleviate suffering in this world by adopting a child that would otherwise not have a mother/father/family situation.

I am curious, though, about any faux-pregnancy techniques... Ways that both mother and father can become accustomed to the thought of having a child together without gluing eyes to a gradually growing belly. Does anyone have any experience with this? And if you have some helpful ideas on bonding with an adopted child, or building up affection and connection before a child is dropped off by the stork, please feel at ease to share them.


Thank you everyone, may your experience be spacious and accommodating in all your endeavors.

Dakini

So, Sova, the parents want to pass the child off as their own? I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. The only way I can think of is for the mother to go away for a few months. The pregnancy doesn't usually begin to show until the 3rd, or even the 4th month. So she could decide to go visit her parents, or something, if an absence of that length is an option. Will this be a new-born adoption, then?

Alternatively, the mother could start wearing bulky clothes. I don't know how to fake the last 3 months, though.

Brian

I don't think that's what he's asking at all, @dakini... It's more about the psychological period of having nine months to mentally prepare for having a child, not "hiding" the adoption from anyone.

sova

Yes, what Brian said.

karasti

I have friends who have adopted, some from the US, some from other countries. Even though pregnancy is stressful in it's own ways, it's a very different stress from adoption. It's not something every one can go through. One of the plusses of it though is you automatically have to be in involved in various counseling and such and they help you prepare, both for your good and to know if you are truly prepared to adopt.

The process will depend greatly on whether you are planning to seek a pregnant woman to adopt her newborn or are looking to adopt a child already in the system,and whether you are adopting internationally or not. Obviously if you are working with a pregnant woman, you still get to experience the pregnancy and preparation, at least in some sense. If not, you can still go through the preparing of a room for the child, preparing a budget, etc. Most social service agencies have decent adoption classes and such you can attend, that would probably be the best place to start.

And sometimes, not planning is ok. You just go with what happens. Even people who are pregnant don't always get time to plan before they find out a baby is coming, lol.

Zero

I dont have any direct personal experience of adoption.

These links seem to read well - hope they provide a thread of assistance:

http://voices.yahoo.com/five-tips-bonding-adopted-child-88584.html

http://voices.yahoo.com/bonding-adopted-child-doesnt-happen-naturally-5482073.html?cat=25

http://www.wikihow.com/Bond-With-Your-Adopted-Child

http://www.adoptionhelp.org/articles/loving-bonding-adopted-baby

sova

Thank you everyone for your replies.

@karasti you speak the truth. It will still be some time before confronted with these choices, however, I think it's good to keep in mind what the different methods/options might be.

@zero Thank you very much for the links.