How to know that dividing line which separates really needed or just wanting? Please suggest.

misecmisc1

Hi All,

these days i think i am becoming slightly crazy. what is happening is - whatever i try to think to do, just immediately next to it a thought arises in my mind that - is this thing a sort of becoming and really needed? then i think about it and find that there is craving to an idea, which is raising that thought and if i do that thought, it will result in becoming. so i try to stop doing that act. like for example - yesterday there was a holiday, i was in my hotel room alone, did not went outside my room in day, in evening a thought came to go to a shopping mall which is very nearby - then started thinking is it really needed - then answer came - not really needed, then asked why i thought to go to shopping mall - the answer came - there is something inside me, which said, it is holiday and weekend coming, the mall will be having much crowd with nice chiks in hot dresses, so lets try to go out and see them - but then i did not went to the shopping mall, as going would have resulted in becoming. rather i stayed in the room and tried to sit in meditation in different small slots. so yesterday the whole day i did not went outside my room and it is not that currently i am regretting it. today the weekend has started, so today also i am in my room and it is ok.

this lead me to this question - How to know that dividing line which separates really needed or just wanting in our mind - every act we do is a becoming. but to function in this world, there should be becoming. Now how to know till which level of becoming is ok - after all, total becoming cannot be avoided - or a question here - can becoming be totally avoided? i do not think so, because if we totally avoid becoming, we cannot do anything in this world.

another example - say a thief comes to me and at that moment, i have all the money which i have saved till now. then if the thief comes and asks me - how much money i want to give him? (though this situation shall never occur, but still asking), then what amount should i give him. if i give him all the amount, then the next moment i will have no money, then how i will buy food to eat. but if i do not give him all the amount, then it shows i am not able to let go of all of my money. after all, there are saints and monks, who do not have money and yet they are able to survive in this world. i have a family, so i have responsibility for my family, so the situation is different - agreed - but if suppose i was not having a family and then the above question would have arose, then would i have been able to give all the money? means, would we be able to let go of everything, ever while living our life?

moreover one more question - can we function in this world by always living in the present moment? i think you all will say that i am too stupid to ask such a question as we all live in present moment only. but i am asking this question because most of the time i think we are not in the present moment, rather thinking about past or future. moreover, if i try to be in present moment, there are just sensations. so asking this question - can we function in this world by always being in the present moment?

now one suggestion can come - we should follow middle way - but still there will be some becoming involved in the middle way and not doing anything will result in non-becoming. so till what level of becoming is ok - how to know this thing?

you all can consider me to be a complete idiot to ask such stupid questions. but i am still asking these questions.

i think nobody else will be able to tell me how i can find that dividing line for myself - rather only i can find out - but still asking this thing to all. so please let me know how do you find that dividing line for yourself and also your suggestions for the above questions.

Zero

misecmisc1 said:

i think nobody else will be able to tell me how i can find that dividing line for myself...

Happy days

Nirvana

Will thinking really help?

Looking for a dividing line to separate "needing" from "wanting," when just a few scores ago both words meant the same thing. (For want of a nail a horseshoe was lost, for want of a horseshoe...)

How do the Buddhists say, "Just Be the Witness." ?

I don't believe the Buddha came in order that we might have more reasons to beat ourselves up d/t the fact that our beings don't end at our fingertips. We have evolved to engage with things, and not to force ourselves into a small box. What freedom is there in that?

footiam

Maybe, there is no dividing line at all unless you want to divide it like you divide the world.

misecmisc1

the point is not of a dividing line - but the point is how to know how much becoming is ok? how to know if not trying to be becoming is in a way trying to be non-becoming? so how much non-becoming is ok?

Tosh

misecmisc1 said:

the point is not of a dividing line - but the point is how to know how much becoming is ok? how to know if not trying to be becoming is in a way trying to be non-becoming? so how much non-becoming is ok?

I don't tend to worry too much about the small stuff; I find that just by trying to be mindful when I remember, meditate regularly and practise compassion often that things are normally okay. I know I can't think myself happy and sometimes the impression I get of Buddhism is that we're too focussed on the philosophy rather than the actual practise.

As for 'non becoming' I think we move towards that when we practise compassion; we take our minds off ourselves and put it on others. Can you become more non becoming than that?

Rodrigo

@misecmisc1: I really like your questions. They are profound and relevant, and their arising is a good sign of your conscience. I don't have the answers, though

karasti

Everyone's line is different. I wish there was a set scale that said these things are "ok" and these things are not. But the reason that doesn't exist is because it's different for all of us. What I consider a need, is definitely not a need for someone living in Florida, and vice versa.

The main thing I try to be careful of is to take notice whether I am just trying to justify something as a need because I want it so much. Sometimes that is a hard line to find. Basically the question I ask myself is if it is required to keep me alive, or if it nourishes my mind and body. If the answer is no, I always take extra time to decide and often find the urge passes. For example if I see something in a store, like shoes...I really like shoes but I already have more than I can use. So, I stop myself and instead of buying them on the spot I tell myself that I will think on it for a day and if I still feel that I need them the next day, then I can come back. 99% of the time, I do not go back.

Jeffrey

You have to decide what you want out of life I think. Do you want to take this life here and try to be a renunciate? Do you want a balance, seemingly? Everything we do has at least a minor becoming such as getting out of bed.

pegembara

Watch what you feed your mind

A cancer is generally defined as "uninhibited proliferation of cells". As we all know this can cause all sorts of problems in the body. Similarly in the mind too uninhibited mental proliferation of thoughts can cause all sorts of problems in the mind. Thoughts about the past such as "I should not have done this or that..." may lead someone to depression. In the same way uncontrollable proliferation of thoughts about the future such "what if this happens..." may take someone to anxiety states. This the cause of our unhappy states of mind.

So can we understand how this "mental proliferation" work in the mind?
In Madhupindika Sutta: The Ball of Honey Buddha gives us great insights about this process of "mental proliferation" or term called "papañca" in Pali.

Thanissaro Bhikkhu says "What one feels, one perceives (labels in the mind). What one perceives, one thinks about. What one thinks about, one "papañcizes." Through the process of papañca, the agent then becomes a victim of his/her own patterns of thinking: Based on what a person papañcizes, the perceptions & categories of papañca assail him/her with regard to past, present, & future forms cognizable via the eye [as with the remaining senses]