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Confidence
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Being the geek that I am, for whatever reason I have an unusually high level of confidence in most things that I do. Whether it be talking to new people or facing fears, I have at least since finding Buddhism, that my confidence has gone up. Even friends I have much less the nerdier, have extremely low levels of confidence in everything they do. They convince themselves of failure before they even try. That's why I feel you must succeed in your mind before you can succeed in the real world.
Even as recent as about a year ago, I had the worst anxiety. I would get all jittery for things with terrible anxiety even for something as mundane as a music lesson. One particular Dalai Lama quote changed me.
"If there is a solution to your problem, there is no reason to worry. If there is no solution to your problem, again, there is no reason to worry."
After I read this, I began to think. To everything I get anxious about....there is a solution so there is no reason to worry. No solution? No worries!
Nothing actually changed my confidence. I chose it.
I have a friend in school - let's call him Corsica, who is highly inconfident for the most wrong reasons. Let's see... He is quite a social figure among women, quite a persona among friends, and has quite some brains too... Only thing about him is that he thinks he's ugly and fat, and he wants to chase fashion.
Myself? Ajani, highly confident (well except when I'm deeply depressed) for the most wrong reasons. Let's see... Not quite a social figure among women, not quite a persona among friends, not much tact in using his brains... Am ugly and not-very-fit but prefers to think otherwise... Victim of mood swings caused by the right reasons at times...
Let me tell you all a secret... Confidence can allow the worst of all people to become the best of all stars...
Well, I don't really have very empirical evidence to prove it, neither do I have documented examples for myself.. But I just feel that IT WORKS!
My bout of confidence came from many sources... Before Buddhism from my "geekiness"... After that it became Buddhism... Then it became a girl... Now still trying to re-adapt and draw confidence from my own life's ventures (even though I may not have seen enough!).
But at the end, I must say that just as you choose where your confidence comes from, you can also choose confidence to come from yourself!
So how do you go about it? Lie to yourself often. When you see an ugly guy in the mirror, say, "Hey that guy is cool!"
But mind you, the dumb part comes here. Keep it discreet. Study body language, human psychology, talk to girls while you visualize yourself to be some cool guy, imagine youself to be some great Gandhi when you give instructions, and keep it all in your own head, not publicizing it, because if you do tell people that hey, you know what? I think I'm cool... You are bound to be laughed at and your confidence takes a severe hit.
Slowly and slowly, you will realize that indeed, things around you start to improve. Even as now I am not that much of a persona, and am laughed at often for all my antics (talking large amounts of blabber), I keep one thing in mind- I do it to make my friends laugh and this doesn't bother me.
Something from Simon, find the identity you have all along, and develop it. Think of new positive intentions for acts that would otherwise be seen in a negative light based on this identity, use humour sparingly, and be responsible for what you do, facing up to failures in your route to confidence.
That is it, Confidence!
If you need something to get you started, modern sports psychology shows that not just in sports but everything you do, being confident makes you successful.
When I get discouraged, I stop and think about impermanance, and suffering. Then my problems don't seem so bad. I also try to "count my blessings" from time to time and that helps as well.
A City of London trader had been over to the States to attend T ony Robbins' seminars on building confidence. He came back brimming with it and, within a couple of weeks, had managed to lose some millions of pounds on the dealing floor.
A friend asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
"I'm going back to Tony to get more confidence," replied the dealer.
"Isn't there anywhere you could go," the friend enquired, "where you could learn some competence?"
you need space and time, and obvious stuff to back you up.
How many times have others been through this thing im through now..
confidence is a nasty thing, people should bounce back after bullying or so forth but many don't.. i think a long meditation makes you feel great again.. and full of confidence, retrieving confidence takes a long time, but you gotta let it come back.