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I'm so freaked out.
Sabine
Veteran
Gah...
So yeah. I'm finally in my last year of school - good, yet bad. I'm soooo worried about everything! I'm worried that even though I have an overall 3.6 GPA and pretty good SATs, all of the admissions offices are going to see my 3 C chem grades from last year and totally reject me, in favor of some perfect, volunteering, useful-to-the-community salutatorian.
What if I don't get into my first choice? I'm scared my parents will absolutely hate me for getting their hopes up for years, and all of the money they spent on piano and organ lessons will go to waste. I'm scared that I won't have enough money to finish college anyway. I'm scared I won't make National Honor Society this year.
I'm scared my school's guidance counselor doesn't like me too much, and I'm sure that'll make a huge, ugly dent in all of my recommendations.
I'm just...
SCARED
And every time I try to meditate, something makes a sound 5 minutes into it, and I'm SLAMMED back into reality.
Meep!
So this is completely pointless, but I guess I'm saying - how do all of you handle this type of thing?! I have so much going on right now - deadlines are flying all over the place, and I need to start scheduling interviews, and I have three essays due in the next 48 hours, and...:eek2:
So yeah. I'm finally in my last year of school - good, yet bad. I'm soooo worried about everything! I'm worried that even though I have an overall 3.6 GPA and pretty good SATs, all of the admissions offices are going to see my 3 C chem grades from last year and totally reject me, in favor of some perfect, volunteering, useful-to-the-community salutatorian.
What if I don't get into my first choice? I'm scared my parents will absolutely hate me for getting their hopes up for years, and all of the money they spent on piano and organ lessons will go to waste. I'm scared that I won't have enough money to finish college anyway. I'm scared I won't make National Honor Society this year.
I'm scared my school's guidance counselor doesn't like me too much, and I'm sure that'll make a huge, ugly dent in all of my recommendations.
I'm just...
SCARED
And every time I try to meditate, something makes a sound 5 minutes into it, and I'm SLAMMED back into reality.
Meep!
So this is completely pointless, but I guess I'm saying - how do all of you handle this type of thing?! I have so much going on right now - deadlines are flying all over the place, and I need to start scheduling interviews, and I have three essays due in the next 48 hours, and...:eek2:
0
Comments
I sooo know your situation. I can now say that I've spent the majority of my life in academia. I did take a two year break after my first two years of college, but I've been in school ever since then--nearly 12 years now. Let me tell you--the pressure you're feeling, first choice, second choice, etc., it's a big mess. From someone who has sat on a number of selection committees, it's basically a crap shoot. Really. I can't tell you how many of my friends from HS who got into Yale, Harvard, whatever, as first choice schools. They got there and H-A-T-E-D it. Some stuck it out and regretted it. Others, the smarter ones, split after the first semester and signed up to the close-to-home school, which for me was University of Oklahoma. The ones who did that told me later it was the best thing they ever did. The thing is--and here's the Buddhist punch--it's never what you think it will be, college, grad school, first job, getting married, whatever.
I know this sounds trite: take the time to find your voice, to find who you are. You already have a sense of that, I think. Very, very few decisions are unchangeable.
Let me tell you another story. As I was finishing college, I wanted to continue studying for a PhD. I was interested in comparative literature. I had a brilliant topic: the inter-American experience. I was interested in how the literatures of the US frontier was similar to the literatures of Argentina, Brazil, and Chile. It was a great topic and I was the perfect person to look at it! I applied to 10 graduate programs. I was rejected from all of them. The one program that I happened to apply to was the one that got me interested in my current PhD work. It was by chance. That one application gave me the foot in the door that lead me to where I am now.
My advice to you: pick up a book like this one Winning the Heart of the College Admissions Dean. I don't know this book, but this press is excellent. I used a similar version for my later graduate applications and I was able to craft excellent personal statements.
Take heart, Sabine. This feels like the most important thing in your life. It isn't. It is important. The most important thing is to find a way to be yourself, counselors be damned!
Let me know if there's anyway I can help. I have a lot of experience in teaching writing now and I've written so many personal statements, I can spot problems and suggest revisions that bring out the writer's voice.
You may feel overwhelmed right now--but think of it as a challenge! This is an exciting time!
Peace,
You will survive this, as you know, and when you look back on this time you'll be more satisfied if you can look back and see that you were actually happy amidst all the craziness and chaos. So step back, take a deep breath and go back in with joy and gratitude in your heart. When you're in the middle of all the chaos and you start to worry, bring your mind right back to the present task. Keep doing that over and over whenever your mind starts to stray and worry about "what ifs". Bring it right back to this moment, the moment you're actually living right now. If you train your mind in this way you'll learn how to remain calm and you'll also learn how to be happy, no matter what craziness is going on around you.
Thinking of you and sending you my wishes for peace and joy,
Brigid
This time of great apprehension is also a time of great spiritual opportunity. You have the possibility of two useful actions:
The first is that you are presented with a chance to observe the particular way in which you experience and express "freak-out". It will manifest in your body. Notice that. Your breathing will be this or that. Notice again. Your visula and auditory senses, and even your sense of smell, will react in particular ways. Once you have noticed all this in the quiet of sitting 'watching', you will notice that the emotions are less and less overwhelming. The other benefit is that you will have a pretty full audit of your unique way of freaking out.
The second opportunity is that, at the moment, what you most need is a safe place, a refuge. The wonderful therapist Virginia Satir used to share her 'Sanctuary Meditation'. This is an approach which creates, in imagination, a totally safe and happy place. I can give you more details if you are interested and PM me. It can add substance to a practice of Taking Refuge.
We are all cheering for you!
Kim
So yeah. I'm finally in my last year of school - good, yet bad. I'm soooo worried about everything! I'm worried that even though I have an overall 3.6 GPA and pretty good SATs, all of the admissions offices are going to see my 3 C chem grades from last year and totally reject me, in favor of some perfect, volunteering, useful-to-the-community salutatorian.
- First off, a "perfect" student doesn't exist. There are some that come amazingly close, but they are few and far between. Colleges would go out of business if they only excepted those types. I go to a great public university and I'm actually surprised by some of the students they let in (not to sound elitist, but some don't understand why it's a bad thing to show up late or sign up for advanced classes they don't have the prerequisites for). And would you really want to be that "perfect" student? It sounds like you are already too hard on yourself without needing all that extra pressure.
What if I don't get into my first choice? I'm scared my parents will absolutely hate me for getting their hopes up for years, and all of the money they spent on piano and organ lessons will go to waste. I'm scared that I won't have enough money to finish college anyway. I'm scared I won't make National Honor Society this year.
I'm scared my school's guidance counselor doesn't like me too much, and I'm sure that'll make a huge, ugly dent in all of my recommendations.
- If you don't get your first choice, you keep trying or go to another school. I went to my first choice school, but actually ended up at another one that I like better (but didn't consider). Who's to say that your 1st choice now will be your 1st choice in a few years? Which college you go to shouldn't just be about the name on your diploma.
- Do you seriously think your parents would hate you? I know there are a lot of bad parents out there, but most parents wouldn't hate their kids for not getting into "the" college. They should just be happy that you are doing something with your life that (hopefully) will bring you more happiness. Even my mom wasn't truly upset when I ended up not being a music major after all the time and money put into that dream. She and I both realize that it was good for me while I was doing it (gave me confidence, kept me out of trouble, etc.), and my not pursuing it further doesn't negate that.
- If money is a problem, the obvious answer is to pursue every scholarship out there that you can get, including asking local service groups if they provide scholarships. But even if you don't get enough money in scholarships, you can still go to college. Many of my fellow students work and/or have student loans. While the ideal may be to have nothing to worry about but your studies, and graduate without debt, that's just not an option for many students. You may have to take fewer classes so that you can work, you may have to take out loans, you may have to go to a community college for the first few years. But you do have options.
- As for NHS, it's not everything. Don't sweat it. Really. Join organizations that set you apart from the crowd.
- As for your guidance counselor, I believe that they are not allowed to slander you. I'm not a lawyer, though. At the very least, it would be unethical for them to speak bad of you in a recommendation letter and they probably would just refuse to write one if there was a problem. And you shouldn't need a letter from them anyways. You should be able to find other people who know you better and can really write an insightful letter. In either case, offer to give them a list of your accomplishments, talents, etc. that they can use as a reference.
I'm just...
SCARED
- It is a scary time. I'm about to graduate college, so I can relate. Just try to write down what you need to do and when, and don't worry about things. The unknown is scary, but you'll know enough soon.
And every time I try to meditate, something makes a sound 5 minutes into it, and I'm SLAMMED back into reality.
Meep!
So this is completely pointless, but I guess I'm saying - how do all of you handle this type of thing?! I have so much going on right now - deadlines are flying all over the place, and I need to start scheduling interviews, and I have three essays due in the next 48 hours, and...:eek2:
- First off, breathe. Then get done what you need to get done (keep breathing in the meantime). Take a break. Get your mind off stuff you can't do anything about at the time.
But as it's been previously said, be sure to breathe. I haven't even had time to meditate yet, and my breathing is all I've got -- and it works! Do you know any gathas, by any chance? Those have been incredibly helpful to me. If you don't have any, there's this one from Thich Nhat Hanh for calming the breath:
Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.
Breathe in as you silently recite the first line, then out with the second, in with the third, and out with the fourth. And be sure to at least half-smile with the third line -- just smiling makes you feel better. It's quick, easy, and you can do it anywhere.
I'm afraid I'm not much help for anything else, but I do have a word to put in about the scholarships. Now I'm not advertising here, only advising -- www.fastweb.com is awesome for scholarships. Fill out a profile -- this takes a bit, but it's worth it -- and the website does the searching for you and e-mails you the results. And it's free!
Ahem. Pardon the plug.
All of my best wishes to you, kid -- good luck!
I love your Zeppelin quotation, I'm a huge fan and that's one of my favourite songs.
Well, things are going better. Today I'm going to a college application workshop with my mum, and hopefully I'll get to talk to the counselor and smooth out any issues with her - nothing confrontational of course, but just to see what we can do to improve relations, because a few of my apps do actually require a counselor recommendation.
Rambling - That stinks!
DharmaKitten - I probably am a little hard on myself - I didn't have the best freshman year, so I guess I'm trying to make up for that. It's probably a little too late for that, eh? ^^
Simon - that sounds like exactly what I need. I'd love to hear more.
*re-reads first post* ....wow...can you say "panic attack?" XD But yeah, I'm a bit calmer now - merci tout le monde! :tonguec:
And, the thing is, I'm not that far away from home -- only an hour and a half, actually! But it's far enough, I guess...