Cross-Cultural Adoption

Frozen_Paratrooper

So my wife and I are certifying and preparing our house for becoming a foster home for several legally free children who have been victims of domestic violence or abandonment. Despite being a small part of the population, Native Alaskans/Indians are a sadly disproportionate number of the children in foster care. There's a high probability we will end up fostering and adopting from a culture other than our own.

After announcing this to a few of my in-laws, I was very annoyed by the pushback we received. One in particular was bothered by us taking in children not of the same race and ethnicity. I dismissed them as backwoods rubes.

On the other side of things, people have expressed concern about being able to maintain the cultural heritage of the kids we adopt. I was a little perplexed by this. I have had every intention of raising my children the same whether they were biological or not. Blood means nothing to me. My wife and I are well-traveled and I'm fascinated by learning of other culture and languages. I'll be encouraging the same in my kids. I guess I'm just a little annoyed by the notion of people expecting that a child or infant from another culture isn't "authentic" unless raised with the values that its his or her genetic ancestors had.

If we adopt a Russian baby, he'll be exposed to Doestoevsky and listen to Tschaikovsky because they are my loves, not because it will make him more "authentic" as a Russian. Similarly a black child will study MLK and read Frederick Douglass because they are great people.

Our society is way too hung up on race. But I'd be curious to hear what others have to say on adopting from other countries/races/cultures. Any experiences on the subject?

Frozen_Paratrooper

I just noticed there were multiple categories to post topics. Please move the thread to an appropriate location if this is not it.

Barra

Do you live in Alaska? Where I live there is an expectation that First Nations kids, if they are adopted in to families that are of another culture, maintain ties to their culture. That would entail taking them to pow wows (or the local equivalent) and maintaining ties to their band. Same goes for kids adopted from Africa or whatever. Just so they have a sense of where they come from, and that there is value in their birth culture.

Frozen_Paratrooper

Yes, indeed there is the Indian Child Welfare Act, which is a way of encouraging children to be a part of their tribe and maintain connections. However, there are a great many of children not registered to any tribe who are nevertheless considered Indian by blood. I was speaking more about them and more broadly about interracial children/parents.

federica

It's a question of heritage, and encouraging individually-cultural values, of maintaining a standard and history.... I remember advice Gandhi gave to a Hindu, grief-stricken by his violent actions in Muslim-Hindu conflicts::

I know a way out of Hell. Find a child, a child whose mother and father have been killed and raise him as your own.
Only be sure that he is a Muslim and that you raise him as one.

By all means raise the child according to the free, liberal just and sound moral attitudes you have - but don't deny him the right to choose to be what he wants to be.

I personally feel that heritage, culture and history, and the associated morals and social values of that specific culture, are vital to uphold and maintain.

The child IS from a different background. Celebrate that and teach him individuality.

matthewmartin

My 2c-- The American Indian Blood Quantum laws are profoundly racist, but they create incentives for American Indians to maintain them, even though they are based in racism. Some examples-- now that being in a tribe is worth a lot of money when the casinos are big, tribe members who speak the almost extinct language, known the ancient folk arts can get kicked out of the tribe because they lack sufficient blood quanta.

I would say as long as adoption isn't motivated out of a desire to systematically exterminate differences in culture, cross culture adoption isn't a problem. And even if it was, it would be a public policy problem, not a problem for the adopting parent. Someone needs to take care of those kids-- even if the end result is the result of a public policy with nasty motivations.

As for the Russian stuff-- I teach my son Russian, not because Russia is a great country, but because I think it is important to be bilingual. For me, the 2nd language doesn't matter-- it could have been Klingon. I think the same reasoning about adoption (that you must preserve the ancient ways) with respect to nations is nationalistic garbage.

Anyhow, this nonsense could be done with natural children too-- my family tree has about 16 different ethnic backgrounds-- should I refuse to breed because I'm a mutt and can't teach all 16 heritage languages to my child? What racist/ethnocentric garbage.

Racism, nationalism-- these are man made constructs that encourage us to see distinctions where there are none. From the Buddhist angle-- the main reason for misery is seeing distinctions where there are in fact none-- (seeing a "self", when in fact we are just temporary whirring eddies in a stream).

anataman

Whatever, don't expect it to be an easy ride. Having your own children is difficult enough, especially as they reach the teenager years (as my eldest has done 2 years too early)

We have friends who adopted a 6 month old child born to someone who was a heroin addict. The child is now 12 and has been diagnosed with Asberger's. Their relationship with him and each other is suffering badly, and she is suffering from clinical depression, and is probably now an alcoholic. We can't let our children engage with him any more because of the ill effects his violent and angry outbursts have on them.

A cousin of my wife is adopting a 1 month child because they can't have one, despite desperate attempts, but they are adopting from same social culture, but still with serious social and addictive parenting background - our Finger's are crossed for them.

Just be wary that their background may need some fulfilment as they realise that they are different and always be open and honest and loving about them and yourselves.

Cinorjer

I knew someone while living in Florida who adopted or fostered children from other countries as well as here. The couple said dealing with real problems takes up enough of their energy, neither they nor the children had time to fuss with imaginary problems like race or cultural heritage. The children knew where they came from but were more interested in hanging out and sharing their friend's culture.

In today's world, where there's a television is about every home in the world that gets the same programs you watch, culture pretty much boils down to what religion the grandparents followed. If it's Eskimo children, what do people expect, that you have to teach them to hunt seals? I suppose dealing with people who can't be bothered to help children without a family but have loud objections to the child being raised by anyone but "their people" comes with the job of being a foster parent.

Frozen_Paratrooper

Thanks for the great comment above. That summed it up better than I could have expressed it.

Kundo

The couple said dealing with real problems takes up enough of their energy, neither they nor the children had time to fuss with imaginary problems like race or cultural heritage.

I'm sorry @Cinorjer, but cultural heritage is NOT an "imaginary problem" and, intended or not, that is a highly derisive comment. Yes, in the ladder of priority a loving, stable and nurturing environment trumps all else. But cultural identity is important too.

Cinorjer

dhammachick said:

The couple said dealing with real problems takes up enough of their energy, neither they nor the children had time to fuss with imaginary problems like race or cultural heritage.

I'm sorry @Cinorjer, but cultural heritage is NOT an "imaginary problem" and, intended or not, that is a highly derisive comment. Yes, in the ladder of priority a loving, stable and nurturing environment trumps all else. But cultural identity is important too.

Sorry, didn't mean to be derisive. To them, and I see their point, some children they raised were multi-cultural in the same way some children they raised were multi-racial and it was just a fact of life. While they made sure their children knew about their birth culture, they didn't fight the desire of the children to fit into the culture of their peers where they were being raised. One of their children chose to return home to I believe Thailand when she graduated high school, and one started a rock and roll band and I lost track of what happened to the rest.

Raising children outside of their birth culture is not ideal, and in a world where we have sometimes deliberately tried to destroy cultures by taking the children away it is a hot button issue.