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People who apologize for everything they say

comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
edited November 2006 in Sanghas
I have read a lot of posts since I signed on here. I keep seeing people make an argument or a point and always end it with "I am not meaning to offend anyone". Why is this? I have never apologized for anything I say. Otherwise I wouldn't say it. Are we that sensitive that we cannot make a point or argument without apologizing? I figure as long as we are not name calling or actually attacking then we should expect the reader to be intelligent enough to understand that we are not attacking them. If they feel attacked then I am sure they will let us know.

Comments

  • KnightofBuddhaKnightofBuddha
    edited November 2006
    Excellent point. I avoid saying that at all costs. I would like to read the book ''Muzzled" which deals with the oversensitivity of American culture and political corectness, race, and religion.

    I am not meaning to offend anyone, but some people take things too seriously. (heehee)
  • buddhafootbuddhafoot Veteran
    edited November 2006
    I think people may do this as a practice of Right Speech - and since people on the other end of their posts can't see the visual inflection or countenance with which a thread is written.

    I'm sorry if I offended anyone except Comic.

    -bf
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited November 2006
    It's called being polite.
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited November 2006
    Being polite is sometimes a form of deception.
  • ajani_mgoajani_mgo Veteran
    edited November 2006
    One, being inconfident.

    Two, simply the respect at times for the more-experienced dudes and babes. :)
  • RaDmaTistRaDmaTist
    edited November 2006
    Hey, I do that! :grumble:

    But seriously, my reason for doing so is because I believe that compared to most of the prominent members in this forum, I feel that my intellect is not that much and possibly in that passionate few arguments that I make, they always tend to be errors.(That is why I rarely enter other '"profound" threads :D ). Furthermore, people tend to get easily offended these days, its better to smooth any misunderstandings and avoid a harsh and strong rebuttal from the other party.

    Lastly, I would like to apologize if this post seems to offe..Wait a minute! :tongue2:
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited November 2006
    I think I'm PMSing because my previous response was pretty snarky, wasn't it? (I'm sorry but I'm not going to tell them that.)

    I know what you mean about politeness sometimes being a form of deception, Comic, like when it's insincere, as in "Sorry to have to tell you this but...you're wrong". It's kind of like when people say "I'm not being rude but...".

    I must say, though, that I enjoy communicating on the internet very much because you get to think about what you want to say and you get to reread it before you actually post the message. That's off topic, isn't it? I think I'll take a nap... (And to be perfectly honest, I didn't really have to say that...I just wanted to. But I'm not going to tell them that either.) (I wonder if everyone knows not to read my private parenthetical thoughts?)
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited November 2006
    (I wonder if the word "parenthetical" means what I think it means...)
  • inthedharmainthedharma
    edited November 2006
    I don't know Boo..........what do YOU think it REALLY means..... :)

    But more importantly the word "snarky" now that is a word that I have not heard of before. I'm going to look it up and see just what the meaning is of that word.

    The word "snarky" is not in the dictionary. The only word I found with that type of spelling was "snarl"

    to snarl, to growl exposing the teeth, as an angry dog. heehee..... Is that what you were doing Boo?

    I can not find parenthetical in the dictionary either.........Do I need to get a new dictionary? Cause I'm kind a likin both those words........

    I'm thinking they will be my new words for the day.........

    Ok, I really did look both up in the dictionary...............I sooooooooo need to get a life.
  • buddhafootbuddhafoot Veteran
    edited November 2006
    comicallyinsane wrote:
    Being polite is sometimes a form of deception.

    And sometimes being polite is a form of sincerity and caring.

    -bf
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited November 2006
    buddhafoot wrote:
    And sometimes being polite is a form of sincerity and caring.

    -bf


    True. But in the case of making an honest point or argument the polite part would to not call names or attack. Politeness would not be needed if you are stating something honestly which is the point and argument I am raising.
  • XraymanXrayman Veteran
    edited November 2006
    I don't mean to offend anyone, but, get stuffed.

    (Just being polite)
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited November 2006
    That is like saying "I'm sorry...........that you are so stupid".
  • ajani_mgoajani_mgo Veteran
    edited November 2006
    inthedharma, you old-fashioned freak :;): ...

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snarky There's always Urban Dictionary online for the trendy young...

    Looks like you have alot to catch up with us young people, eh? :p:)
  • DharmaKittenDharmaKitten
    edited November 2006
    I think it can be a way to offset the rather cold tone that is naturally present in a text-only conversation - sort of like saying, "I'm going to put this out here, but I'm not trying to act like a know-it-all or trying to be mean, just trying to express my view."

    And then, there are plenty of us out there that really do apologize too much because we feel bad when we disagree with someone. (I'm getting much better, though.)
  • Bunny_HereBunny_Here Explorer
    edited November 2006
    Another way of looking at it is to examine why an apology, given for any reason, is bothersome.
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited November 2006
    It in itself is not bothersome. The curiosity for the apology being applied is bothersome. Maybe the reason people who apologize for a point or argument they make is because they feel they are attacking the other person. I am not sure. I have never felt the need to apologize for my comments on a message board, unless I was attacking someone and then felt bad after the fact.
  • Bunny_HereBunny_Here Explorer
    edited November 2006
    Would knowing the reasons behind an apology help you respond better? Whatever the intention, whether it be to argue, make a point or to truly apologize, you can respond with kindness.

    Another option though, and it's a growing favorite of mine, is silence. How would you feel if you just didn't respond? What would happen?

    Still, sometimes the best way to get somebody to be straight-forward with you is to give them the same consideration. Just be upfront with the person. Tell him/her what you said here- that you wonder why an apology was offered. You'll probably get a very honest answer- whether it is the one you want to hear or not.

    I'm sure there are many other ways to respond. If you're a Buddhist, you may want to think about Right Speech and Right Intent, and then decide what the best solution would be for you.
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited November 2006
    You seem angry.
  • Bunny_HereBunny_Here Explorer
    edited November 2006
    No, I'm not angry in the least bit. I just thought that you were frustrated and I wanted to give some suggestions that may help.
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited November 2006
    I'm not frustrated at all. I am just trying to understand why people do the things they do. In my day to day life I study people constantly. I listen to the world around me and I keep an open mind. I view everything and everyone as a jigsaw puzzle. I sometimes put the pieces into place and things make sense. Sometimes when they do not make sense I probe a little to see how people respond. Most of the time people just do things because they are taught to do these things and they themselves don't even know the reason why.
  • Bunny_HereBunny_Here Explorer
    edited November 2006
    I'm happy to hear that you are not frustrated. :smilec:
  • IawaIawa
    edited November 2006
    comicallyinsane wrote:
    I'm not frustrated at all. I am just trying to understand why people do the things they do. In my day to day life I study people constantly. I listen to the world around me and I keep an open mind. I view everything and everyone as a jigsaw puzzle. I sometimes put the pieces into place and things make sense. Sometimes when they do not make sense I probe a little to see how people respond. Most of the time people just do things because they are taught to do these things and they themselves don't even know the reason why.


    I've been told the answer to why is because.............

    anything more is rationalization or justification.
    The only POV I can really touch is my own.
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited November 2006
    Maybe we apologize when we're disagreeing with someone, as in "I'm sorry to disagree but I don't see this issue the way you do."

    Anyway, good thread. I really had a great time reading everyone's responses.
  • DharmaKittenDharmaKitten
    edited November 2006
    Bunny_Here wrote:
    Another way of looking at it is to examine why an apology, given for any reason, is bothersome.

    Yippee. I like questions that question questions ;) Good question!
  • ajani_mgoajani_mgo Veteran
    edited November 2006
    Well at least above all this isn't an apologists' forum.

    Over there, apologizing shows weakness. And not apologizing shows arrogance. Apologies do not save a lousy argument and a strong argument beats down all arrogance. :( I don't think anyone of us here has the stomach to just cruelly laugh at any poor dude who made a technical fault with his post, do we?
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