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Turkey with equanimity stuffing
I have had difficulty wth knowing what equanimity means in my life. But I think I got it, and in a backwards kind way from how I thought I would learn about it.
Background: for those of you not in the US, Thanksgiving (this Thursday) is a huge deal and a fmaily must with lots of expectations for bonding, food etc.
Yes it is somewhat imposed but it is also a good tradition to force us to get together and make our personal rituals and "liturgies" with out loved ones.
Anyway, I have a strained relationship with my sister. A long history of this. We had a huge blow up today and ended with hanging up on each other and me crying eyes out. I am bitterly hurt (and shocked by her) and then of course angry.
I do not want to go to Thanksgiving at her house which is the family tradition. I would spend it alone then. I feel I cannot see and be with her. I know I can but I am feeling I am too vulnerable and F.that, I do not need that!
But I sit back and do know that my absence would raise anxiety level of the family - of which many members are desaling with life crisis' and difficulties (as well as me) I do beleive it would be most helpful if I could go and be at the very least, neutral. At best, lovingly neutral amid chaos and emotional turbulence. I am part of a bigger living thing and my personal comfoprt in withdrawing would hurt others. But it is so hard right now. I have not made my decision yet.
Aha! So I finally get it. What I need is teh capacity to be lovingly neutral/. Aware yet grounded adn loving and detached from reactivity.
That is equanimity.
I have not gotten my butt on my cushion for a while and aha experine made me sit. I felt each time I could wriggle, cry or whatever and still sit was a loving wave sent to our wounds - me and my sisters. And it helped teh whole of teh family.
but still do not knwo if I can go to our thanksgiving dinner at her house...
Background: for those of you not in the US, Thanksgiving (this Thursday) is a huge deal and a fmaily must with lots of expectations for bonding, food etc.
Yes it is somewhat imposed but it is also a good tradition to force us to get together and make our personal rituals and "liturgies" with out loved ones.
Anyway, I have a strained relationship with my sister. A long history of this. We had a huge blow up today and ended with hanging up on each other and me crying eyes out. I am bitterly hurt (and shocked by her) and then of course angry.
I do not want to go to Thanksgiving at her house which is the family tradition. I would spend it alone then. I feel I cannot see and be with her. I know I can but I am feeling I am too vulnerable and F.that, I do not need that!
But I sit back and do know that my absence would raise anxiety level of the family - of which many members are desaling with life crisis' and difficulties (as well as me) I do beleive it would be most helpful if I could go and be at the very least, neutral. At best, lovingly neutral amid chaos and emotional turbulence. I am part of a bigger living thing and my personal comfoprt in withdrawing would hurt others. But it is so hard right now. I have not made my decision yet.
Aha! So I finally get it. What I need is teh capacity to be lovingly neutral/. Aware yet grounded adn loving and detached from reactivity.
That is equanimity.
I have not gotten my butt on my cushion for a while and aha experine made me sit. I felt each time I could wriggle, cry or whatever and still sit was a loving wave sent to our wounds - me and my sisters. And it helped teh whole of teh family.
but still do not knwo if I can go to our thanksgiving dinner at her house...
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Comments
Nice to see you here as well as the other place, but I am very sorry to hear about the blow up with your sister.
Equanimity often is the result of metta meditation. I find it difficult to do metta at times, especially when I'm feeling hurt or sad, but I am always happy that I did metta in the end. :smilec:
I wish you and your sister happiness (and a good holiday)!
Bunny_Here
Rise above it.
take a deep breath, and go.
You may or may not have regrets about it later, but I feel one thing is for sure...
You will definitely regret it, if you do NOT go.
Just my bit.
Hugs and love to you - and yours.
"Our enemies are our best teachers".
(Not that your sister in an enemy)
Best wishes...
Sharpiegirl
There is nothing beyond simply existing, no names no preconcepts, no pretexts, no words to describe it.. I am the all and the one..
Ur sister simply is ur sister, and resentment is a label that has been inflicted. Of course its impossible for only ur half the label to be removed and a relationship occur. But i'd guess that you both wanna get past it.
Palzang
Your time as a Buddhist Monk has certainly paid off well, my friend.
-bf
Palzang
-bf