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Thoughts in this poem please?
zenmyste
Veteran
What to do with my omnipotence?
For I cannot 'truely' live -
So I play along with the game of ignorance -
And remove my abundance of wisdom..
'Actions' are forgiven and forgotten..
but words never age,
Forever keeping their substance;
The only 'freedom' is to write -
With no boundaries attached to my pen
I see 'the line of sight'.
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Comments
Really?
Prosaic, but I wouldn't call it a poem.
A poem scans and has some form of rhyme.
This is just a paragraph of rambling thoughts.
Nice thoughts, I like the sentiment, but a poem?
It ain't.
Actually, free verse doesn't have rhymes. I occasionally have written free verse, as well as rhyming.
On the critical side, to me, it seems to ramble.
Free Verse doesn't have rhyme, but he has referred to it as a poem.
I think part of the problem is that text on the new forum removes formatting of spacing into lines.
For example
blah blah line 1
blah blah line 2
blah blah line 3
blah blah line 4
Jeffrey, that's lovely and indeed, says probably more than any of us could....
I didnt write it out like that. The format is all wrong. Not sure why.
"Free verse is an open form (see Poetry analysis) of poetry. It does not use consistent meter patterns, rhyme, or any other musical pattern. It thus tends to follow the rhythm of natural speech."
just hit the space bar twice when you want to end a sentence
I like the first three "lines". One thing, maybe the quotes are overused. If you want to make the point that a word is used ironically, perhaps do that with content, simile or some other construct.
Poem (noun): A piece of writing in which the expression of feelings and ideas is given intensity by particular attention to diction (more often than not involving rhyme), rhythm, and imagery.*
Which only serves to prove that lexicographers and Etymologists also haven't really got a clue what 'Poetry' is - ! LMAO!!
(and I'm sorry about the state of the formatting in this post but the whole quote/italics crap has gone completely to pot! )
The forum is managed here in Colorado?
are you asking me or telling me.....? :nonplussed:
(First definition).
Sorry you missed the humor. Colorado is in the first few months of the most liberal pots laws in the US.
yet gay marriage is still out.
Oh-kay..... (#stirs the pot#)
Actually, there is some movement on that, too. Read something the other day about the prospects looking a bit more bright.
Get the preacher to smoke pot - then he won't give a phekk WHO he's marrying.....
For I cannot 'truely' live -
So I play along with the game of ignorance -
And remove my abundance of wisdom..
'Actions' are forgiven and forgotten..
but words never age,
Forever keeping their substance;
The only 'freedom' is to write -
With no boundaries attached to my pen
I see 'the line of sight'.
Poetry for me is a mode of communication that utilises words (as in oral or written communication) though I think the essence of poetry is presenting something more than the simple words alone or using words in a way that communicates in a different way to just the bare meaning of the words.
In a sense it's akin to painting, with words as paints - however in this analogy, the medium is also important (the frame, technique, complexity etc).
I'm trying to set out why it is important not to trample on existing techniques because in one sense, they work and in another they provide boundaries of what is already communicated and what may be a developing niche.
Beyond this, it's a matter of taste I think - it's difficult grading a communication beyond a simple sincerity litmus.
For my own personal taste, I think your poem needs work - I say this because it feels blunt in its delivery which risks being perceived as a ramble - I didn't feel the finesse and lithe poise often attributed to poetical expression.
Free verse carries its own challenges in that it is emulating natural patter within the context of the communication (so there is an issue of grading the progression and delivery of the various themes) - this is simpler I think with metric form (as the essence of form is to provide this type of support to foveated vision) - otherwise, one is seeking to emulate close to a real delivery.
In that sense, though feet are not graded in free verse, I think they are silently or impliedly critical - in a way this is a twist to form, that it is born from the expression naturally, rather than contrived in order to attribute a coded meaning within the context of the expression - in your poem, the natural rhythm didn't shine through for me.
For me, a well balanced work is like a free gift - it is taken away with little or no objection from the writer - what is there on the page is what is there on the page - in that sense, I think that it transcends a personal thought or message.
An example of free verse that tickles my personal fancy:
After the Sea-Ship by Walt Whitman
After the Sea-Ship—after the whistling winds;
After the white-gray sails, taut to their spars and ropes,
Below, a myriad, myriad waves, hastening, lifting up their necks,
Tending in ceaseless flow toward the track of the ship:
Waves of the ocean, bubbling and gurgling, blithely prying,
Waves, undulating waves—liquid, uneven, emulous waves,
Toward that whirling current, laughing and buoyant, with curves,
Where the great Vessel, sailing and tacking, displaced the surface;