Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Dating and the Buddhist girl
I am single and have done the match.com thing and met a few guys from here and there. One thing I notice is that when they inevitabley find out that I identify as Buddhist they get all weird and uncomfortable. They associate it it with Hare Krishna airport chanting and dasiey giving people or soemthing. Granted I am in Florida, and there is a huge baptist, Christian and Catholic influence but...c'mon...really. So I keep it under wraps. That annoys me as I don't want to feel like I need to hide something because of their ignorance.
Any other singles find this obstacle/predjudice in meeting opposite sex?
Too bad my small sangha really is composed of married or solo type individuals that do not hang out or socialize much outside of sangha few functions with teacher. I hate bars, etc and would love some like minded friends to hang with. Dating could emerge form there but...
Also being 44 and single is weird thing. Wome in their 40's have fewer options to meet and hook up with peopole but in a way it can be an exciting challenge if you are upfor itand perseverent. It really si true that men my age will sleep with you but wnat a younger owman for Long term partner. People keep telling me otherwise but that is what I have expereinced in real world past couple years.
SO, I go between wanting to just go for unskillful sex in lieu of romance and real relationship building. Unskillful as in casual to point of not really caring but just getting a intimacy fix. Or unsafe sex practices because I hate safe sex practices. I am sad to admit that I miss unsafe sex adn soiemtimes get sucked into "well, if they do not care..." Then I think I don't feel guilty about possibley exposing them to stuff. I know that is not cool. Or lieing about certain special concerns I have health wise to potential partners... Not lieing but just not wanting to divilge.
Hmm, what is girl to do. I do not see sex as unskillful but the ploys that get played out in dating scene. Like lieing about my age,
Any Buddhist singles and their comments.? Hell, just anybody and their comments, LOL.
Any other singles find this obstacle/predjudice in meeting opposite sex?
Too bad my small sangha really is composed of married or solo type individuals that do not hang out or socialize much outside of sangha few functions with teacher. I hate bars, etc and would love some like minded friends to hang with. Dating could emerge form there but...
Also being 44 and single is weird thing. Wome in their 40's have fewer options to meet and hook up with peopole but in a way it can be an exciting challenge if you are upfor itand perseverent. It really si true that men my age will sleep with you but wnat a younger owman for Long term partner. People keep telling me otherwise but that is what I have expereinced in real world past couple years.
SO, I go between wanting to just go for unskillful sex in lieu of romance and real relationship building. Unskillful as in casual to point of not really caring but just getting a intimacy fix. Or unsafe sex practices because I hate safe sex practices. I am sad to admit that I miss unsafe sex adn soiemtimes get sucked into "well, if they do not care..." Then I think I don't feel guilty about possibley exposing them to stuff. I know that is not cool. Or lieing about certain special concerns I have health wise to potential partners... Not lieing but just not wanting to divilge.
Hmm, what is girl to do. I do not see sex as unskillful but the ploys that get played out in dating scene. Like lieing about my age,
Any Buddhist singles and their comments.? Hell, just anybody and their comments, LOL.
0
Comments
Have you considered tailoring your activities in such a way as to increase your chances of meeting another like minded (mate seeking) Buddhists?
I think buddhism is a deterant for many singles.. because they think its a funny cult, at least as far as putting it as your religion on dating sites.. i had some girl want to become a buddhist because her grandad was dieing.. and she posted me..
it was a bit silly.. kinda the person looking for theories and salvation.. rather than understanding.
i don't wanna 'fuck' ppl for a quick fix.. cause to me thats suffering. I want to do sexual stuff because i want to do it with that person.
Saying that, i'm inexperienced in the whole love, dating scene..
Dating sites confuse me.. i've had multiple posts from 30 - 35 yr old women.. and i just aint gunna answer them.. i post to ppl more in my age group.. and nothing hardly ever happens. I come across too many ppl 'looking for fun' i ignore them.
http://www.dharmadate.net/
www.mybuddhistfriends.com
Palzang
lord, lead us not.......
enough said.
I appreciate the sites. I do know sites. Here, I am commenting about how it is when we're out in real world (not online) and you get a sense that your practice is intepreted weird. It is more just an observtion of something that is a waste. Also I am commenting on my personal struggle with what I think is right sexuality in terms of intimacy in the modern age. All sorts of issues come up.
These ar more up for discussion. No real results. More just persoanl reflections/sharing is what I was going for. I find that helpful.
Palzang
Actually, I've read about tantra before, but I haven't really gotten the gist of it. It's supposed to be the "opposite" of the sutra way, where instead of eliminating desires, you embrace them. Is it?
Palzang
I mean - I don't really run across very many people (even while I was dating) who want to know what my religion was.
And oddly enough - if a person is engaging in unskillful or non-marriage sex - they really don't seem to be following "said" tenets of a religion very closely anyway. So why would they feel they need to get bent out of shape because you're a Buddhist?
I find that use of the Golden Rule is a good policy. My girlfriend doesn't really know what to think about Buddhism. She doesn't ask. I don't tell her about it. I figure if she wants to know about it - she can go looking or ask me. But it certainly isn't up to me (or at least I don't feel that it is) to force my beliefs upon her.
-bf
"For me whenever I get these weird stares, I will quickly differentiate myself from the Nichirens and Taoists in my country by immediately stating that "But I'm not those kind of chanting and praying types - not that I'm racist against them.""
I feel you.
Re: don't mention tantra: LOL. Yes, there are those that see this as way to sound spiritual AND tittillating at same time...oh brother.
Resentimentalization in action.
Ha ha ha ha! I am SUCH an idiot!
I honestly thought the Golden Rule was: Silence is Golden.
Me = Stupid.
You may all spit on me and ridicule me now.
-bf
Weird that being a Buddhist gal is causing such disruption and furore.... Nick knew - more by my modus operandi than from my telling him, that I was a spiritually-inclined person....to begin with in our relationship, his curiosity would lead to much discussion, and being the argumentative sod that he is (he is after all studying Law...!)he would present arguments in an effort to shoot holes in my philosophy..... but he never could, and was actually pleased by that..... now, it's not of any consequence, one way or the other. But I always knew the discussions were more for 'amusement' than to really attempt to knock me sideways. It was never challenging, threatening or offensive.....more often than not, it was fun...!
I like your version better, bf. I thought the Golden Rule was: "Gold is good; more gold is better."
Palzang
Oh damm, does that make me an idiot too?
The more the merrier.
-bf
Yep, 'fraid so, Ajani. But then we're all bozos on this bus.
Palzang
Speak fer yerself.....
I for one, am a 'Bozess'.....
While if u walk about like i do sometimes it looks like you don't need it.
Dear BF,
I was hoping that you were not going to bring up that personal matter that I discussed with you about the "problems" (Unskillful sex) I was having on this forum. In the future, could you please relegate all further discussions between you and I to the "secret" area?
thank you.
*embarrassed* :zombie:
You have no idea how true that is in serious and spiritual circles, LOL.
. And it caused harm and I have remorse.
The reason I added this comment is because when I reread that last post it sounded like I was holier than thou. Which is certainly not the case at all :-)
I do laugh though, because it is everywhere and often the elephant in the room.
So - are you saying we're not going to have sex anymore? :scratch:
-bf
Wow I thought the golden rule was, whoever pays the bills makes the rules. Hmmmm........
:om:
Your children aren't teenagers yet, then, I take it!