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Venting Anger
Is there any "Buddhist" way to vent anger besides meditation?
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Not "Buddhist" or "anything-ist":
- Dig the garden;
- Empty the cess-pit;
- Feed the hungry;
- Throw a pot;
- Practise a sport;
- House the homeless
I've used many techniques and the one I'm using now is to remind myself that when I feel anger I'm simply experiencing a mental fabrication. I don't judge myself negatively for feeling it and I don't take it too seriously. It's just a mental fabrication, one that can come and go. Nothing more. We can let it go on its way without disrupting our lives in any real way. Tell yourself "It's just mental fabrication." Take note of the way it feels, what's happening with your body as you're feeling anger, the clenching of your jaw and fists etc. Pay attention to it and it's effects on you. Then remind yourself that all this is happening to you simply because of a silly mental fabrication. Remind yourself not to take things so seriously. These angry thoughts can't hurt you by themselves. It's only with your collusion that they can have a negative effect on your life. Be compassionate with yourself and your anger. Mentally give up carrying the anger and place it into a cradle of compassion.
Despite my trainings, I could never quite buy it.
One of the more amusing confrontations in 'class' was when I asked my Gestalt trainer about the use of Gestalt techniques with 'sex addicts' (one of my areas of work with offenders). I asked whether we should, perhaps, get them to have sexual relations with an empty chair in the same way as we were invited to vent our anger. "Would this complete unfinished business?" I asked. As you may imagine, I was told that I could take the idea too far. It was precisely the answer that I used to get (and later was to get again) from Christian clergy when I asked about the Sermon on the Mount.
Freud speaks about "sublimating" our libido. It seems to me that each of our emotions, aspects of our psycho-spiritual "energy", can be sublimated: diverted from the path of personal satisfaction and into positive and skillful action. Not having yet shed or transcended the poisons of samsara, we may need some form of safety valves. Saint Paul says as much when he speaks about sex (expressed within his social context within marriage). As Buddhists, I believe that we can recognise this need because we find it within ourselves through our practice. Recognising it, we can examine what this assembly that I call by my name may need as a minimum and skillful 'safety valve'. By skillful I mean such actions which either appear as helpful and beneficial beyond our own cravings or, at the very least, not inimical to others and the world around us. This is where the Noble Eighfold Path serves as a map. Our own lives are the territory. We should never confuse the two.
She rolled down her window and said rather arrogantly, "what do you want me to do?"
"Let me pass through to the exit lane, b----h."
Not compassionate of me, I know.
Maybe next time, but I expressed myself and got over it it.
And look how much happier and more peaceful you both were after the exchange!
:rant: was more like it for a few moments for sure. LMAO
Simon reminded me of a technique being used a few years ago in which people who had lots of pent up anger were encouraged, in a therapeutic setting, to "release" their anger by wearing overlarge boxing gloves and hitting things and so on. To the therapists dismay, however, this approach made the subjects angrier and more violent in their daily lives, not less. When will people understand that anger and violence breeds anger and violence? You can't treat any of the violent emotions with more of the same. You have to use their counterpoints. Those are the antidotes.
Whenever I feel my jaw clenching I stop whatever it is that I'm doing and ask myself a few questions, like "Are you not getting something you want?" and "Are you frustrated? Why?" and so forth. Once I pinpoint the specific reason for my anger I ask myself how important it is to my life and that of all sentient beings in general to get what I want, or to react to the frustrating situation, or to have my feelings heard etc. etc. I usually end up feeling silly, spoiled and immature and eventually I laugh at myself for my anger. Catching it before it escalates, interfering in the anger process with the reasoning center of the brain and not taking myself and my mental formations, or thoughts, too seriously usually works wonders for me. It's much easier with surface anger, though. Deep seated anger is a little more difficult. But if you get in the habit of interfering by using your reasoning mind, whether it's in the anger process or the fear process or jealousy or hatred etc., it gets easier and easier. It's all about practice and training.
Destructive emotions occur when our view is distorted and skewed. They also usually occur when our view is narrowed down to the point that we're only seeing ourselves instead of the big picture. These emotions exist, so they must be acknowledged. But in the end they're just "thinking", like everything else, and can be let go. It's when we hold on to them, attribute more seriousness and importance to them and justify them to ourselves, that they grow and take root. If you don't allow them to take root in the first place your suffering will decrease.
And may I add a word or two for those who seem to be 'overwhelmed' with or 'swept away' by anger and think they have no control or that control is somehow a bad thing?
When you are next 'swept away', take a moment to notice where it is happening in your body: the muscles that are tensing, the ones which are relaxing, where your breath is, etc. The more often you notice these physical effects (or are they causes?), the earlier in the process you will be able to catch them. And the earlier you intervene, the easier it is to distance yourself.
As for the idea that controlling or 'suppressing' anger is harmful, there is, indeed, some truth there. If we are regularly getting furious, we are releasing poisons into our mind/body. The results can be physical damage such as ulcers, and even cancers. If, however, we catch the first shoots of the anger plant, we can remove them with greater ease and without damage to the system.
A blessing today was that I had the opprotunity today to do skillfully that which I could not yesterday.
that's the differnce practice has made in my life. Today, I was cut off four times instead of just one yesterday. Could it be that it's not that history repeats itself, but we that repeat our history.
Yes! Oh, yes! This technique is invaluable. If all you can do at first is take note of the physical effects when anger arises in you, you're halfway there. Again, this goes for any harmful emotions. And there are harmful emotions. As Simon pointed out, when we get angry a whole host of things go on with our bodies. Our brains release adrenaline and other chemicals/hormones in large quantities into our systems and they can wreak havoc on our health. So can overwhelming and inappropriate responses to fear as in panic attacks and generalized longterm anxiety and so forth.
The original question was "Is there any "Buddhist" way to vent anger besides meditation?" I'd slightly alter that question by asking "Is there any "Buddhist" way to handle anger?" And the answer to that is "yes". How? Skillfully.
So use this technique. When you feel anger arising pay attention to your whole body, inside and out, and take note of what is happening. Are your hands curling into fists? Are you clenching your teeth? What's happening with your posture? What do you feel in your stomach? Look in the mirror if you can and take note of your expression. As Simon said, what's happening with your breathing? Your pulse? Take note of all these things and any more you can think of or that come up. Just notice them, acknowledge them.
The next step is understanding that all of these things that are happening to you physiologically are the result of "thinking". When we're thinking angry thoughts our bodies respond. When our minds tell our bodies that we are angry, our bodies react in an angry manner. When our bodies react in an angry manner our bodies are telling our minds that we're angry, and round and round and round. It's like getting caught in a whirlpool. But if we acknowledge that it's there and swim around it we don't have to get caught up in it.
There's something I do for myself when the pain is really bad that works like a charm and has proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our bodies can dictate things to our minds. When the pain gets bad and I'm tempted to grimace, (you know, pull a pain face?) I smile instead. Sometimes it's a bit of a struggle but it's getting easier all the time. And when I smile the pain level drops right away. It doesn't go away, but it decreases enough for me to notice. And it happens instantaneously. It's one thing to understand that the body and mind are in constant communication and another to actually manipulate it consciously. We can and do have control over all of these things. We really do. It just takes a few good techniques and a little practice. The best part about it is knowing that this will probably be some of the most important work you will ever do in your life.
Good post. It really got me thinking...
Thanks, Iawa!