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SOO LOST HERE....
OK I TRIED BUDDHISM FOR A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AND I REALLY LIKED IT SO I WORKED UP THE NERVE TO GO TO A TIBETAN TEMPLE AND WAS PUT OFF BY THE SPEAKING OF TIBETAN AND THAT THE PERSON THAT WAS LEADING THE BEGINNERS CLASS WAS DRINKING A MOUNTAIN DEW AND FLIRTING WITH A GIRL THE WHOLE TEMPLE SEEMED GEAR TO SPEAKING TIBETAN AND SO NOW THERE WAS NOTHING THAT I COULD PERSONAL USE SO THAT WAS THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I WENT... I HAD QUIT SMOKING DRINK BEER OR SODA STOP SMOKING FOR 6 MONTHS BEGIN TO MEDITATE EVERYDAY STARED DRINKING MORE TEA I EVEN GOT RID OF MY HAND GUNS AND RIFLES IS I COULD NEVER KILL OR HARM ANYTHING OR ANYONE..." HAVE THEM BUT STILL COULD NEVER KILL OR HARM NOW" AFTER THE TEMPLE THING I STARTED RIGHT BACK UP AND FEEL WORSE THEN I FELT BEFORE...SO NOW I AM LOST AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO... AM I A BUDDHIST OR NOT OR IS THERE A POINT TO TRYING... IA M ALREADY BEEN MADE FUN OF FOR READING BUDDHIST BOOK BUT MY OWN FAMILY AND WOULD BE KICKED OUT OF MY FAMILY IF THE KNEW I WENT TO TEMPLE I AM NOT TOO WORRIED ABOUT THIS BUT I AM SO LOST SHOULD I TRY AGAIN AND IF SO WHAT WAY DO I GO....
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You have come to the right place though. Since I stepped on the path everyone here has helped more than you, I and they could ever know. Welcome to the forum and I hope you get the answers you are seeking.
Welcome to our community, Crashtestway. You'll find that Buddhism is a path of action more than anything else. Your actions indicate that you are well on the path - to give up major life habits and change your way of thinking such as you've already done is a major accomplishment to finding peace in your life. If you step outside of your own head for a minute, you'll see it like I see it (and forgive me if I'm reaching here...) but it seems like your getting attached to the idea of attending a temple is actually causing you more suffering than you were experiencing without having gone to a temple.
Are you a buddhist or not? It sounds like you are, my friend.
My advice? Relax, don't go to that temple again, and continue what you were doing, because it seems to be working for you.
Oh, and hang out here more often
the nearest thing i'd sum it up to
is someone who is trying to find balance between the sun and moon.. order and chaos.
Everyone is born to chaos.. but looking for the balance to me is what makes you a buddhist. Everyone has a buddha nature.. some more in touch than others.
Don't get caught too much in stereotypes and indentity crisises.. meditate and discuss with yourself.. find your own answer.. might take a few days.
Palzang
thank you all for your time
crashtestway
p.s looking to make a zafu or buy one.. i left mine in the temple i kind of ran out at the end... where is the cheapest place online to get them???
There is a lot to cover here, but I would like to give you a few quick thoughts of my own. The first thing that I think needs to be mentioned is that nobody needs to know about your practice. If people treat your unfairly or do not understand your interest in Buddhism, there is no real need for them know.
The second thing that I think needs to be mentioned is that there are a lot of different teachers and traditions out there. Just because one didn't turn out so well doesn't mean that they're all like that. I have met some teachers who I simply did not care for, but it should be remembered that these people are human too. Not every teacher will be the real deal.
What I mean by that is not every one will have achieved some stage of realization, and just because they are wearing robes does not mean that they have—some may have, and may not. Even the ones who have not necessarily achieved any real insight or realization can still be excellent teachers. While you do not need a teacher, it is helpful if you have one.
The third thing that I think needs to be mentioned is that everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has trouble trying to change their life when they have decided that they do not like what it has become. Every journey in life takes one step at a time, whether that journey happens to be a physical one, spiritual one, etc.
Best wishes,
Jason
My teacher taught me, when I'm in the temple and not too happy about the goings-on, to appropriate the best thing and offer it as I would a rose. That way, I find some blessing there.
If it's a bad experience, I'd simply choose another temple, if available, or go on my own.
As for a boy flirting with a girl in a temple, try not to think on the physical plane, but to recall that you're not in charge of the temple's decorum. If your mind can't get off the matter, try to turn it around and see it as something elevated and lovely that escapes the mortal realm. Or something like that.
If I saw a boy flirting with a girl in Temple, I'd simply be reminded of Lord Krishna. I would probably find it harder to see two boys flirting in Temple, though. Although I heartily approve of any human affection, I'm not so sure this type would be tolerable in Temple. I say this only to suggest that THINGS COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE.
Sorry I'm so late to throw in my $0.02 worth.
You know... Gotama wasn't a Buddhist. He wasn't a Buddhist when he became awakened. This might not even be the right path for you.
But boy!, you sure seemed to experience some major life changes (and it sounds like for the better) before going to that certain "building" occupied by "people".
A lot of Christians may be put off by ministers who go around having sex with people they aren't married to - it really has nothing to do with one's faith.
I'm glad to see you here.
-bf
P.S. Oh yeah... your CAPS LOCK is on.
There was a member here, a guy with a lot of good advice that just had a hard time keeping his trap shut sometimes... (damnit!) who sells/sold zafus on Ebay.
You could always check there...
-bf
Jason gave you good advice on how to deal with your practice in the face of criticism from family or friends. It's not really anybody else's business. True change comes from within and may not even be evident to those who know you (except maybe in a softening of your personality).
My favorite place for meditation cusions is Samadhi Cushions, mainly because the proceeds go to support practitioners, and because they not only have zafus but other types of cushions (like gomdens) which may be more your cup of tea. Of course, there are many, many other sources - Carolina Morning, Dharmacrafts, etc. Just Goggle zafu and you'll get tons.
Palzang
I've been thinking about your post for a while now and I think there's something important about having an unpleasant first impression at a temple. I've heard that in some Japanese Zen traditions a teacher will do many things to discourage a potential student in order to help the student understand how deep his/her resolve is. So in your case you could look at it that way, too.
The Buddhist path is the way out of suffering. If you've had enough suffering and you really, really want to find a way to end it, follow the teachings of the Buddha because that's exactly what he taught, and in great detail. It doesn't matter what school you follow or what temple you go to. Seek out the Buddha's words and teachings and you'll be on the right path.
Start with The Four Noble Truths and continue with The Noble Eightfold Path. Do searches on them and study them. Then do everything in your power to practice them in your daily life, live by them as you continue to study and understand them.
You don't have to depend on anyone else to teach or guide you right now. Depend on yourself, your own mind and your own inner wisdom. When you begin your study and practice of Buddhism, you'll begin to see and understand how it plays out in your life and you'll begin to understand the truth and wisdom in The Path.
So start again at the beginning. Read, learn, but most importantly, practice, practice, practice. If you do this it will become clearer and clearer every day.
Your friend,
Brigid (always a beginner)
My apologies for my highlighting. Everything Brigid said was perfect. It's just that I have this compulsion for outlining.
My neighbor had a similar experience. He likes Asian philosophy, does Tai-chi, etc, but he went to a certain Buddhist center and was similarly creeped out. The intro classes weren't bad, but when you got past that, he told me he was hanging out with lots of really, really way-out New Age types, and they spent lots of time reading and discussing the teachings of one specific monk, and not so much on Buddhism.
He felt flustered because he felt like he hadn't learned much. They kind of just threw him in. I get the feeling you are in the same boat. You probably started out curious about Buddhism, and suddenly you were knee-deep in it.
Like others said here, start with the real basic Buddhist teachings. I recommend a book, "What the Buddha Taught" by Walpola Rahula, which covers all the basic teachings in a nice way.
Another book, "The Idiot's Guide to Buddhism", has a good coverage of different branches of Buddhism. Once you get comfortable with the basics, you'll probably want to find a way to practice it with others. This is where you try out different sects and see what works.
From my own experience, you can try something easy-going like Shin Buddhism. They are pretty laid back folks, and there's really not a lot restrictions. Some might argue it's kind of a boring branch of Buddhism.
In any case, good luck!
Lots of great advice here...
You owe these people nothing. The Buddha ruffled many feathers with his teachings.
There is nothing wrong with asking, "Umm!, excuse me... where did The Buddha teach that?"
If the teachings of others do not support the teachings of Buddha - I would have to question those teachings.
Same thing with what The Buddha told the Kalamas... You should be made to feel put off by asking questions or for seeking the truth.
-bf
:om:
I hope that you and your family manage to find ways in which you can accept each other's differences in compassionate peace, although some conflict is almost inevitable even in the most united of families. Just look at Tenzin Gyatso's growing up: he is the Dalai Lama but he quarrelled terribly with his brother and got into trouble with his parents because he is also an 'ordinary' human being.
May I put you on guard against relying too much on "your own reason and your own common sense": these are the deceitful functions that have led other members of your family to their own positions! The 'quotation' that you found is a twisted version of the Buddha's teaching to the Kalamas: You may want to read the whole text (it isn't long):
Kalama Sutta
The point is to test what you are being told, just as you are supposed to do in the chemistry lab. Prove it for yourself. This is not easy nor does it come all at once. It also requires that we question each and every presupposition. When you find yourself thinking, "This is a fact; that person is talking nonsense; I agree or don't agree with that idea", you have to stop and look for whatever is provable or unproven - even in your own most preciously-held beliefs.
I repeat: this is not easy, nor is it always comfortable. We may have to let go of notions which have appeared self-evident or, even, the whole underpinnings of our way of life. This is not an easy path and I pray that you find the strength and courage to continue.
when purchasing something, its very easy to go for what ppl would think u look good in, or what ppl think is fashionable or expensive looking, rather than what you yourself think is practical and most useful both in terms of looks and blah blah blah.
I have a slightly irregular on clearance in my EBay store. See hte ink in my profile.
im glad you have been poppin back in to read and asscess the great advice given.
you sound so eagar, and excited. .i could feel your enthusiasum!! right on!..
remember this is a path, not black and white/im was here and now im not will try again sort of thing..
take it eeeeease my friend, walk well... continue.. keep on keepin on..
and all that good stuff!
enjoy your moments of peace, and sit with your suffering .. KNOWIN THINGS CHANGE