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Girl Advice?
Well, you all should find this quite the rarity. You see, I have a bit of a dilemma right now and I need the straightest answers I can get.
Just the other night, I met this girl online; a friend of my friend. Different school and all. I found that we shared a lot in common and I had no problem making her laugh. I briefly mentioned a talent I have for rhyming things. She wanted me to make her a poem. So I did.
Keep in mind, at this point, I still had not met her. I inquired about her job and she told me where she works. Conveniently, it was right by where I was headed yesterday anyway. So I went on a little road trip to the bookstore and then found her at her job as she had told me to do so. I pretended like she had dropped a piece of paper (contains the poem) and gave it to her. I was hurriedly shoed away by the boss there after.
One day later, I feel like I overplayed my hand. Having only met her for a minute or two, she has what I believe to be a crush on me. Apparently, this shoddily crafted poem and a blog of mine she read was enough to show her that I was the man of her dreams.
Now this is all well, fine and dandy. I like attention and I like the bragging rights that naturally go with these kinds of compliments I've received. There is just one minor problem in the whole business though. I'm not attracted to her...at all.
Now I can already hear the women sharpening their knives, but hear this out. Anyone who ever told you that men will [romantically] love you because of what's on the inside was a liar. Men are not spirits. We are confined to a body that has certain, basic demands of our potential mates. It's not mean. It's not stupid. It's just man's nature.
So herein lies the problem. If this girl wants me to take our friendly relationship to higher level, what am I to do? Keep in mind, I am ill-experienced in this regard. I have a faithful friend who I have spoken of only briefly with on the matter. While he always has some unconventional advice, he is also not equipped to help on the subject either.
Do I be blunt and just say, 'no'? Because if she asks why, I can't give a good reason without hurting her feelings. If I say 'yes,' not only am I a pushover, but I will also be lying to both of us. There seems to be no easy solution.
I mean I could be getting completely ahead of myself. She may not bother asking me at all, but I am quite sure she will.
So any advice on the matter is appreciated.
Just the other night, I met this girl online; a friend of my friend. Different school and all. I found that we shared a lot in common and I had no problem making her laugh. I briefly mentioned a talent I have for rhyming things. She wanted me to make her a poem. So I did.
Keep in mind, at this point, I still had not met her. I inquired about her job and she told me where she works. Conveniently, it was right by where I was headed yesterday anyway. So I went on a little road trip to the bookstore and then found her at her job as she had told me to do so. I pretended like she had dropped a piece of paper (contains the poem) and gave it to her. I was hurriedly shoed away by the boss there after.
One day later, I feel like I overplayed my hand. Having only met her for a minute or two, she has what I believe to be a crush on me. Apparently, this shoddily crafted poem and a blog of mine she read was enough to show her that I was the man of her dreams.
Now this is all well, fine and dandy. I like attention and I like the bragging rights that naturally go with these kinds of compliments I've received. There is just one minor problem in the whole business though. I'm not attracted to her...at all.
Now I can already hear the women sharpening their knives, but hear this out. Anyone who ever told you that men will [romantically] love you because of what's on the inside was a liar. Men are not spirits. We are confined to a body that has certain, basic demands of our potential mates. It's not mean. It's not stupid. It's just man's nature.
So herein lies the problem. If this girl wants me to take our friendly relationship to higher level, what am I to do? Keep in mind, I am ill-experienced in this regard. I have a faithful friend who I have spoken of only briefly with on the matter. While he always has some unconventional advice, he is also not equipped to help on the subject either.
Do I be blunt and just say, 'no'? Because if she asks why, I can't give a good reason without hurting her feelings. If I say 'yes,' not only am I a pushover, but I will also be lying to both of us. There seems to be no easy solution.
I mean I could be getting completely ahead of myself. She may not bother asking me at all, but I am quite sure she will.
So any advice on the matter is appreciated.
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Comments
You say: "Thank you for noticing me. What you suggest does not fit for me at the moment so the answer is 'No'."
Doing things that way starts by acknowledging her and then is straight, without over-elaboration.
My friend said that I needed to hit her with the "warhammer of truthful honesty," but I think the above will do.
You let her know. Hopefully, in a way that will cause the least amount of pain possible.
Just think of the women on here that you mentioned might be sharpening their knives. If the tables were turned they would simply let you know that they weren't interested in you whilst having your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
-bf
Whatever you do man, you shall do it with style, yeah?
I think what I just had not-so-long-ago was a similar case - a certain girl who I was acquainted with was in the same junior college as me. After I left the college for another, though, then she started to MSN me and I started knowing more of her - in fact, I would even say that I didn't even know her until the MSN chats... Gradually she told me that over the course of our chats she kinda thought that she liked me, but again she has a past and mine too, and really I don't know what she really wants, but I certainly know that I have never liked her beyond a friend.
But then I think my ending wasn't really stylish - but at least good enough to me.
Here's a list of what it means to have a cool delivery - except that I'm not expecting you to insult the girl, but just the coolness of delivery: http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/class-insults-p1.php (Ironically it is this same girl I am talking about right now who gave me this link!)
I think I might be over-generalizing - but especially if a lady has always felt that she was different from the crowd, the first guy ever to make her feel like she has company is the guy she falls for. Make do with it - it's what cool guys like us face.
By the way, where have you been??? I missed you...
Up and down.
In and out.
Struggling the entire way.
I hope you are well, punkin.
-bf
Such a wonderful word.
So typical of us all.
How refreshing to know we're all in the same boat in one way or another.
Whatever we may all be struggling with, I sincerely pray that we are able to see the value of our struggles, as well as the futility of doing same.
I am often reminded that Right Effort is all very well, but would be less strenuous, tiresome or as much of an ordeal if I could but remember constantly that, whatever I'm struggling with - or indeed, against - is an effort to remain clinging or attached to something.....
Right Effort would be so much easier if I channelled it more appropriately!
much Love, Metta and Karuna to us all...!
SAY not the struggle naught availeth,
The labour and the wounds are vain,
The enemy faints not, nor faileth,
And as things have been they remain.
If hopes were dupes, fears may be liars;
It may be, in yon smoke conceal'd,
Your comrades chase e'en now the fliers,
And, but for you, possess the field.
For while the tired waves, vainly breaking,
Seem here no painful inch to gain,
Far back, through creeks and inlets making,
Comes silent, flooding in, the main.
And not by eastern windows only,
When daylight comes, comes in the light;
In front the sun climbs slow, how slowly!
But westward, look, the land is bright!
Arthur Hugh Clough
I know it's very old-fashioned but it gave me goose-bumps when I read it first as a child and I still use it to encourage me, particularly when I am battling bindweed or brambles. It has got my clapped-out heart all the way up Glastonbury Tor too.
I'll have a lime with my Karuna.
Thanks.
-bf
This was a while ago, but while I am decently experienced on th reciprocating end of this exchange, I will leave you with this idiom:
Honesty is the greatest virtue a man can know.