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Intuitive or rational compassion?
I introduced myself a long time ago so 'ill briefly say hi to everyone again.
Hi.
I've been noticing a worrying trend. My intuitive side, or heart, seems to be lacking somewhat in compassion, and it's getting worse. It is only the rational side of me that injects any compassion into me at all.
For example, i hurt my girlfriend the other day and my heart didn't even notice and still doesn't acknowledge anything wrong; it took my brain to realise i had wronged her.
Perhaps worse my heart seems to be turning racist and again my brain points out the futility of such hate.
For someone who believes in relative morals, without a rational basis, i'm worried my little brain won't be able to negotiate everything my heart slugs up. So just what is the basis for compassion and how do we cultivate it during meditation and daily life?
Hi.
I've been noticing a worrying trend. My intuitive side, or heart, seems to be lacking somewhat in compassion, and it's getting worse. It is only the rational side of me that injects any compassion into me at all.
For example, i hurt my girlfriend the other day and my heart didn't even notice and still doesn't acknowledge anything wrong; it took my brain to realise i had wronged her.
Perhaps worse my heart seems to be turning racist and again my brain points out the futility of such hate.
For someone who believes in relative morals, without a rational basis, i'm worried my little brain won't be able to negotiate everything my heart slugs up. So just what is the basis for compassion and how do we cultivate it during meditation and daily life?
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Comments
The best way I know to arouse compassion is to examine what we call the faults of cyclic existence. Part of that examination is to look at the beings in all the realms of existence and really contemplate how they are all suffering. Just look at the animals and how they suffer, constantly in fear of being eaten or living lives of servitude to their human masters or locked up their whole lives in a cage waiting to be eaten by us. Then look at the lives that 90% of humanity live, in poverty, not enough to eat, rampant disease that steals the youngest from this life, no hope of ever improving your situation. Then contemplate how you are no different from any of them. Every sentient being has the exact same Buddhanature. Every sentient being has the exact same desire, to be happy, though very few know how to accomplish that in any meaningful, permanent way. When you really get it that you are no different than any other sentient being in your nature, then you must come to the realization that there are so many more of them than there is of you. Then it becomes quite logical that working for the benefit of all sentient beings is the only thing that makes sense. Through this type of contemplation one arouses bodhicitta, the union of wisdom and compassion. Then your heart and your brain will function as one.
The first step is generosity.
Palzang
Maybe the problem is not the heart at all but too much brain. That "little ??" brain is convinced it must run the show and so how can you feel the heart ?
Cheers ...
Palzang, thanks for the tip. It's something i've done before, but i need to be more mindful and actually do it! I also tried imagining someone i have compassion for and then try imaging someone else and extending compassion to them too, but it only works as long i'm mindful of it, and i soon forget.
Any thoughtless, selfish, angry and compulsive action is one based on the desire to be or remain in control. It's a fear of losing that control that makes people react 'negatively'. the moment you realise this, the easier it is to understand that they are 'clinging' or 'grasping' a state which is illusory. Then, when you see how fearful and desperate hey are, in their State of Mind, Compassion is easier to engender.
But yes - oh boy, it takes continuous Mindfulness.
Yeah, I know. So do I. We're sentient beings, it's the way we are. We forget. But that's why they call it "practice"! Mindfulness by itself is an excellent practice.
Palzang
I read this thread early in the morning and didn't offer a response because I simply didn't have anything that might help. But it's been nagging me, sitting at the back of my mind all day.
Then at around 3pm I picked up a book by Ajahn Sumedho called The Mind and The Way: Buddhist Reflections on Life to do some reading. Lo and behold, doesn't he deal with part of your question early on, in chapter 4, entitled The Way of Loving-Kindness. I'll have to directly quote him because I just can't paraphrase it well enough. He says:
He then goes on to explain that he tends to be a very jealous person and that when he first became a monk he had a terrible time trying desperately to get rid of it and be a "good monk". Through the years he tried to stop it, repress it, annihilate it, but found it was getting worse. He says: In other words, instead of falling for the fight or flight reaction to unpleasant things in ourselves, there is a middle way; to abide with these unpleasant things with patience, have kindness for them, observe and investigate them, and instead of running from them or trying to destroy them, simply allow them to cease on their own. Which they will always do if we don't interfere with them because impermanence is part of the nature of samsara.
I think your question of how to generate loving-kindness was beautifully answered by Palzang so I can't think of anything to add to that. Hope this helps a bit with the other part of your question.
Much metta to you!
Palzang
Just worried that accepting hate might allow it to decay into action or words.
Perhaps you are referring to the story of the anger-eating demon.
Jason
Cool story! Thanks.
I think if you sit with it, instead of walking around letting your anger control you and come out of you is the goal. I could be wrong, though. Try sitting and accepting that you are angry, but you don't have to be angry in the sense that you are yelling or rude. You can be angry and still act kind or, if that's too hard, go sit with yourself and be angry until it passes. I think you can do this.
I think that is precisely it, MoC.
As you quote Rumi in your sig., perhaps you'll like this:
Dance, when you’re broken open.
Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you’re perfectly free.
(Rumi)
At bottom, the Buddha seems to me to teach us that we do not have to be victims of samsara unless we give in.
As a dancer/actor/performer, I am all for this strategy. All of my emotions are useful to me.
LOVE this quote.
This one I read at my beloved wife's funeral (and managed it without breaking down!):
"For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. "
Kahlil Gibran The Prophet