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My sister died last night
Simonthepilgrim
Veteran
From the title of this thread, you may imagine that this is a major event in my life but let me tell you the story:
It was only after my father died, in 1965, when I was 22, that I discovered (from his obituary) that I had half-siblings - five of them.
Over the years, I finally met all of them, bar my oldest half-sister Naomi, who died last night aged 89. She had never wanted to meet me. She had never forgiven our father for leaving her mother and her anger extended to my younger brother and myself.
And yet.... Once we were seven, now we are three. The old order passes. There is nothing like losing a sibling in older age to underline that we have joined that diminishing host of the eldest generation.
And my son cannot get his head round the idea that his aunt was born while the First World War was still raging. To him, at 17, it is one with Babylon and Tyre.
It was only after my father died, in 1965, when I was 22, that I discovered (from his obituary) that I had half-siblings - five of them.
Over the years, I finally met all of them, bar my oldest half-sister Naomi, who died last night aged 89. She had never wanted to meet me. She had never forgiven our father for leaving her mother and her anger extended to my younger brother and myself.
And yet.... Once we were seven, now we are three. The old order passes. There is nothing like losing a sibling in older age to underline that we have joined that diminishing host of the eldest generation.
And my son cannot get his head round the idea that his aunt was born while the First World War was still raging. To him, at 17, it is one with Babylon and Tyre.
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Comments
But in a more bountiful way that I can really measure....
Your son is a wise soul, inn'e?
I just cannot imagine anyone not wanting to meet you, but broken hearted souls do have deep waters to wade through.
Deep condolences to you. It may not be a major event in your life, but it must hurt something awful. It's not like it's just another mundane indignity one has to bear.
Oh. To Be A Pilgrim!
My parents divorced when I was young, and I had very little contact with my father over the years. His parents were long gone, and we had no clue where they originally came from. 'Buchan' was such an unusual last name here in the States, and it seemed that no one had ever heard of the name. I was the Last Buchan.
When I was about 30/35, during one of those 'holiday phone calls' that his sister had passed.
*silence from me* "Sister? I didn't know you had a sister...you never mentioned it.'
'Oh...I have 3 sisters and a brother...but I don't talk to them.'
I was in shock...I had...family. Aunts, uncles...and possibly cousins. Sadly, they all passed before I got to meet them. I console myself, and try to bridge the lost generational thing by connecting my kids to a larger idea of 'clan'.
Thank you, Simon, for reminding me with your story, of work I need to finish.
I thought you'd said that he couldn't get his head around the fact that his aunt, who had been born during WW1, was still 'raging'... she was raging about something that had happened so long ago - and via someone else, to boot...!
What a salutary lesson in the importance of 'letting go'...
You will, no doubt, have discovered that Buchan is a good Scots name:
some history of clan Buchan
It is a name from my childhood and adolescence too. In childhood I discovered the novels of John Buchan. I devoured them and still, from time to time, re-read some of them. Then, as a young man at college, I found that John Buchan, later Lord Tweedsmuir and Governor-General of Canada, had been an undergraduate at the same college. To my horror, the college library did not possess copies of his novels and, together with my friend, Mr S. E. A. Green (truly his name), we presented them to the college.
An honourable name indeed. Your family spreads wider than you think, as I have found with mine.
With thanks.
This just left me speechless.
It has my mind wandering and wondering about impermanence and our lives.
I wish we could all meet somewhere.
-bf
I'm pretty much in the same boat - I have parents and siblings who really have no desire to see me because I don't believe in their religion.
Bushinoki - I wouldn't look at your family as validation. I wouldn't look at it any other way than to just let it be. Maybe something will happen in time where you will meet them and be able to enjoy them simply for what they are.
I wish I had known my eldest sibling. I miss my brother who is the middle child.
Simon - your story really touched me. I hope you are doing okay through this period.
-bf
Losing a sibling can be such an intense experience regardless of the relationship or circumstances. I'm still mourning my sister's death (last autumn) and I can understand some of what you're probably feeling. I'm sending you my deepest wishes for acceptance and peace, dear Simon.
With much love,
Boo