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Just for fun

edited April 2008 in Arts & Writings
I have just found this article I wrote about four years ago. I thought it might amuse anyone who is even thinking of moving house in the near future.

Why Moving is Un-stressing - (or should be)

Every article I have ever read says that moving house is one of the most stressful things that can happen to a person second only to bereavement or divorce. Having moved loads of times and doing it again after the longest period of my life (10 years in one place) I really fail to see why. It gives you the opportunity to play so many new games or renew others that you had lost out on for a while.

Sport – you get to do the 50m hurdles – from the bedroom to the bathroom for a pee at 2am over all the boxes that have filled what used to be your office space. Weightlifting – so OK it says it takes 65 kgs but I am sure it is only 50 so go on gal, snatch it! Step-aerobics – up and down the stairs with junk to try and offload on the neighbours twenty times a day. Synchronised grunting – you and partner trying to pretend you ain’t having a hernia moving that fantastic old bit of furniture that you found for a song but took five guys to place when you moved it in. Discus throwing – go to any recycling centre and you will find you can only park within throwing distance of any of the skips!

Self-development – zen – sitting on the stairs behind the wardrobe that is now stuck (did say the stairs had gone in since the wardrobe’s arrival, really I did) while beloved plays Hagar the Horrible and destroys it bit by bit from below – both have fun playing retired Viking and submissive woman – in my case no problem as would always have been submissive to anyone even remotely Viking. Also gives opportunity to discuss calmly what you are going to do with horrible thing given by Auntie Blanche for which we have never found a purpose and demand cups of tea. Strength of purpose – every time the need to sit down and say Sod this I need cuppa/glassa and fag – remember why you are doing this. Logic – look some crazy bastard designed these effing boxes to fit together someway so if I do it long enough I must get into their way of thinking.

Games – Pelmanism – oh go on – you remember – here is one elephant, where is the other on this pack of cards that are face down? Well where the hell are my bloody boots and who packed them when we are going to the blasted dump? OK here they are – no that’s my knitting. Ok – here they are – no that’s my spare wool. Ah here they are – no that’s my prostitute type ones not my DMs. No – that’s Boots the Chemist – don’t even open it! Saw the damn box this morning! When I was looking for padded envelopes! Patience – no, really all these things WILL fit into this little space if only you make yourself concentrate on them. It is all a question of becoming one with the cardboard box. Snakes and Ladders – OK I have brought everything down from the attic – what do you mean we have people coming to stay and need the spare room this weekend????????

And finally it gives you a fairly good yardstick for giving your status as a couple a bit of a health check –
You ain’t killed each other yet?
You fall into bed exhausted and still manage to say “Goodnight” civilly?
You still each worry that the other is doing too much?
Everything is fine

You ain’t speaking most of the time.
You go to bed and don’t speak but may tap each other’s shoulders just before sleeping.
You each worry that the other isn’t doing enough.
You are moving house – don’t worry.

You snarl at each other constantly.
You aren’t sleeping in the same house.
You both worry that the other one is having fun.
You didn’t move house – you divorced! Get out there and enjoy your new life!

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