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Celibacy
I'm trying to understand the use of relationships.
People want (desire) relationships right?
The Buddha taught that our desires are what prevent happiness (?).
I want a relationship, but have never really had one. My attempts always end in failure, and when it's over I see all my actions as neediness (or even before). The more I want a relationship, the more pain I experience. I have tried to not want a relationship and be celibate, but this does not work. I still want, whether I want to want or not.
I don't know what to do. At this point, I constaintly reject thoughts of attachment to another person, and this is just as painful as trying to win the affection of the opposite sex. If I were to succeede in aleveing myself of the desire for a relationship, then I would have spent my life without sharing it with another person in that way.
This doesn't seem right, yet desiring another persons affection (after so many failed attempts and the pain that it brings) doesn't seem right either.
Is there a Buddhist view on my predicament?
Why do Buddhists have relationships? If relationships are part of Sansara, why do people enter into them?
People want (desire) relationships right?
The Buddha taught that our desires are what prevent happiness (?).
I want a relationship, but have never really had one. My attempts always end in failure, and when it's over I see all my actions as neediness (or even before). The more I want a relationship, the more pain I experience. I have tried to not want a relationship and be celibate, but this does not work. I still want, whether I want to want or not.
I don't know what to do. At this point, I constaintly reject thoughts of attachment to another person, and this is just as painful as trying to win the affection of the opposite sex. If I were to succeede in aleveing myself of the desire for a relationship, then I would have spent my life without sharing it with another person in that way.
This doesn't seem right, yet desiring another persons affection (after so many failed attempts and the pain that it brings) doesn't seem right either.
Is there a Buddhist view on my predicament?
Why do Buddhists have relationships? If relationships are part of Sansara, why do people enter into them?
0
Comments
Welcome on board Rahzahm,
Celibacy is only a requirement for Sangha - monks and nuns. When Westerners read Buddhist books they tend to be written by Sangha, or about Sangha. The emphasis is, therefore, on a scenario of complete renunciation and immaculate determination.
Whilst this is stirring stuff, it's worth bearing in mind that millions of Buddhists in Asia marry and have kids.
There is a long tradition of householder practitioners in Buddhism. It doesn't get the press it deserves. Being in a relationship does not disqualify anyone from meditating and getting results.
As to your specific situation, I can't comment as I don't know anything about you; age, gender, faith etc. It sounds like at the root of it, you would like to be in a meaningful relationship. Buddhism is no bar to that.
Namaste
Kris
Yes, you're correct that desire is the root of suffering. But that doesn't mean that you can't have a loving relationship with someone. From what you wrote, I would say it might be useful to examine your motivation carefully. A good relationship is built upon mutual love and support. If the basis of your relationships is your need to have a relationship, then that might be a problem. Also I wouldn't try to force a relationship to happen. Just go with the flow. If you relax about it, then I think it'll be a lot easier.
One of the best things I can recommend is to practice meditation. You don't even have to be a Buddhist to do it! Just sit quietly for even a few minutes a day. Learn to relax your mind and stop worrying. Get to know your mind by observing it. If you don't know how to meditate, there are lots of books and meditation centers where you can learn. Depends on where you live. But meditation will help you center yourself and open the door to a relationship - or not, depending on what you discover!
Palzang
The only danger is in becoming so closely attached to someone that you rely entirely on them for your happiness. People are not perfect and not reliable because, like everything else, people change. They grow old, get sick and die. Your feelings towards each other might change. Enjoy what you have while you have it and let them know how much you love them, but bear in mind that nothing is forever.
Why don't you try to relate first as a friend to the opposite gender. The more experience you have the more confidant you become.You always have your mind so you are never incomplete. Sometimes it may look as though everyone else is enjoying life. But most times we are just trying to muddle through. Hope this helps a little.