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question about buddhism
Hi 
I have a little understanding of Buddhism, I am not a buddhist, but I think the theory of escaping the cycle of suffering is an interesting one.
If we could not be attached to anything, then in theory, I think we would not suffer.:cool:
I can see the logic of this but;
my question is, how can you not be attached to someone you love, be it a child, or a lover.
How do you go about practising this?
I have a little understanding of Buddhism, I am not a buddhist, but I think the theory of escaping the cycle of suffering is an interesting one.
If we could not be attached to anything, then in theory, I think we would not suffer.:cool:
I can see the logic of this but;
my question is, how can you not be attached to someone you love, be it a child, or a lover.
How do you go about practising this?
0
Comments
Welcome, Bluesky,
My answer may not be pleasing and it is a hard path to follow at first.
We must examine, as objectively as possible and with growing objectivity, the nature of our attachments.. We will find what there is in there that is unreal and transitory. We must face the fact that not only will what or who we love will age, fall ill, suffer and die - as well as laugh, love and enjoy life - but that we shall also disappear. Seeing this, we understand that our attachment to a person, place or object will, inevitably, bring us suffering.
At that point, we have a choice and it is my contention that no one has the right to dictate that choice. We can choose the pain and accept the impermanence, sitting lightly to it, for the sake of the love - or we can detach. Most theoreticians of the 'spiritual disciplines' advocate detachment. I believe, however, that, if we look deeply enough into Buddhism, we see that the desired outcome is "detached engagement" or, as Boo puts it elsewhere: "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."
Palzang
We are all attached to something or someone. One of the dhamma lakshana or marks of existance is anicca or impermenance. All is in flux. We say we understand that this is so. Yet so much of our lives is spent resisting change. So we get really sad and unhappy. The joy however fleeting of the present moment escapes us. Detatch when you can, cry when you must.
the grackle
Love as we know it is great, good, happiness, and ect. basically a indescribable thing that is pure good in our minds. So how could something that is pure good create pain or suffering? This got me thinking, he was right but, now the question was if its not love creating my suffering what is? As he kindly pointed out it was my attachments. I contemplated on this for quite sometime, perhaps a few weeks trying to decipher what my attachments are to these people and how they are creating suffering.
My findings were simple. Most of it was a fear I had never noticed before, a fear that had been there the entire time but, I simply over looked it, I was afraid to be alone. At the time I still thought I had to rely on outside sources to be truly happy and my wife and child make me happy, without them I would be sad and alone. That was the source of my attachment with them. From this single attachment came the suffering of fear, jealousy, anger, and so much more. Over time I have dealt with a great deal of this attachment, though some of it is still there as well. However, my jealousy is gone because I realized the truth that my wife does not belong to me. She is not a possession for me to place on a shelf. If she believes she can find happiness with another person I would be happy to step aside because her happiness means a lot to me. And while I do love to be with her, my happiness comes from within only and does not rely on her, I can only wish her the same opportunity to be happy. Thankfully she prefers to be stuck with me
This is only an example of my own experience and as I have found many times before, everyone views things from a different angle and sometimes it’s nice to see something from a different perspective. I hope this helps even a little. I wish you the best of luck.
A flower grows up from the ground
initially as a sprout
It strives and thrives
and becomes a beautiful blossoming flower.
One day lifting it`s gazing face towards the sun
it`s existence is ended by a Council employee with a weedwhacker.
Love, and your love of other people and things, is no different - the nature of everything is to change.
Attachment to the idea that the love will last forever or never change is to suffer.
If you are in the UK, you can visit the Forest Sangha monasteries - they have good teachers there. Good luck.
Yes, hello again Floating_Abu.
I also left the forum that I was in at that time. All things change.;)
. . . . . . . . . .
thanks for all your answers, plenty to think on there.:)
Welcome!
Attachment is what it's all about. Some of us find it more difficult to let go of people and some of us find it difficult to let go of our ideas and beliefs. In the end all these things go. Nothing remains as it is.
When it comes to my attachment to people I often remind myself that I have to be able to let go of someone within the blink of an eye. There's no way to know when we're going to lose somebody we love. Because of this I try really hard to avoid doing or saying anything that I could regret, especially if that person dies or is lost to me on some other way. I also try really hard to work through any negative stuff we may have had in the past that still clings. Ideally I would like clear air between me and all those I love not just for the improvement of our relationship now but also in case I lose them unexpectedly.
But sometimes avoiding regrets is impossible and we lose people under more complicated circumstances. This is what happened with my older sister, Mary, and me. We were estranged at the time of her death and to make matters more difficult her death was a suicide. When it first happened I was tormented by regrets. Luckily I had Buddhism to guide me through that particular mind field and I quickly realized that my regrets were ego centered, they were all about me. When I got over myself I was able to look at my sister and her pain. I was able to get over my anger at her and the things she'd done to me in life and see her more as she really was, rather than how she appeared through the filter of my anger. As soon as I took myself out of the equation and saw her and her own pain, the generation of compassion and empathy for her just started to bubble up in my heart.
We so often mistake need and desire for love. Love isn't about what the other person can give you or what they bring to the relationship. Love is about sincerely caring for the well being of another regardless of how they affect you and your life. Real love is being able to let someone go to continue on their journey without you and to let them go freely and without any hard feelings or accusations of abandonment. Real love is selfless and when the self is taken out of the equation non-attachment and greatly reduced suffering follows naturally.