Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Near Death Experience?
Howdy, again! And sorry, Palzang for not being around since last we met. Life got pretty hectic and they decided I needed to go play in the sand for a little bit. But I am back! YAYYY ME!
Okay, so here is my dilemma yet again. Last week I had a severe medical emergency. I have a condition called atrial fibrillation which tends to act up from time to time. This time was the worst yet. At one point in the ambulance, I became very unstable and everything went to black. I just felt this tremendous sense of fear and an overwhelming sadness. I'm not sure how long I was down, but it seemed like quite a while. They were able to resuscitate me, fortunately. Since then I have been having a rough time coming to grips with everything that's happened. I am extremely anxious and very aware of every part of my body. I have also noticed that I have become extremely empathetic. I have been affected by people's emotions even more so than normal. I was finally released from the ICU on Sunday and then transferred to a private room. I'm starting to wish I could have had my girlfriend contact someone so that they could come by and talk with me. But, hindsight is 20/20 or 20/40 depending on whether you have glasses.
Anyways, my question is this: What do we, as Buddhists, experience as far as an afterlife? I know that I must not have been ready to go, but this fear and sadness that I felt has really affected me. I am usually a very happy person. I know that a lot of folks on here have amazing advice, so that's why I cam here.
Palzang, expect me and my new lady friend on Sunday. I'll probably come out to the peace garden just to do some meditation, too. If you're available, I'd love to sit and talk with you again!
Thanks in advance for all the advice. Even those of you that may say that I'm just being silly and making a big deal out of nothing. The psychiatrist told me I imagined it, but I know better.
Okay, so here is my dilemma yet again. Last week I had a severe medical emergency. I have a condition called atrial fibrillation which tends to act up from time to time. This time was the worst yet. At one point in the ambulance, I became very unstable and everything went to black. I just felt this tremendous sense of fear and an overwhelming sadness. I'm not sure how long I was down, but it seemed like quite a while. They were able to resuscitate me, fortunately. Since then I have been having a rough time coming to grips with everything that's happened. I am extremely anxious and very aware of every part of my body. I have also noticed that I have become extremely empathetic. I have been affected by people's emotions even more so than normal. I was finally released from the ICU on Sunday and then transferred to a private room. I'm starting to wish I could have had my girlfriend contact someone so that they could come by and talk with me. But, hindsight is 20/20 or 20/40 depending on whether you have glasses.
Anyways, my question is this: What do we, as Buddhists, experience as far as an afterlife? I know that I must not have been ready to go, but this fear and sadness that I felt has really affected me. I am usually a very happy person. I know that a lot of folks on here have amazing advice, so that's why I cam here.
Palzang, expect me and my new lady friend on Sunday. I'll probably come out to the peace garden just to do some meditation, too. If you're available, I'd love to sit and talk with you again!
Thanks in advance for all the advice. Even those of you that may say that I'm just being silly and making a big deal out of nothing. The psychiatrist told me I imagined it, but I know better.
0
Comments
Good luck with your recovery.
Namaste
May I venture to suggest that you take the opportunity to meditate upon your perceived state of mind in the ambulance, as a lesson in what attitude to NOT have, when one peers into the abyss....?
Permit me to clarify.
No matter how sincere, how earnest and devoted our practice, no matter what calm and serene state of mind we cultivate in life, if we, at the point of our own deaths, enter into a realm of fear, regret, panic and sadness, it will affect our rebirth.
I have stated on other relevant threads that I make it a point of being actively conscious of Yama walking beside me most of the time. I metaphorically speaking, 'share Tea' with him, and focus on him daily. Becaise the day will inevitably come when he will lay his hand upon my shoulder and bid me go with him.
And I will not be able to decline the invitation.
The Buddha said, I believe, that "Yama is my Guru".
The trick is to be free in our awareness of our own mortality.
You had, believe it or not, a staggeringly lucid opportunity to witness an event most of us only get to go through once.
Rejoyce in your "good fortune". I know it may not appear to be that, right now, but maybe you've been given a glimpse of the way you should
lead your mind.
You should have seen the hospital room full of prayer flags. One of the doctors even went so far as to bring me a fan to create a wind to help! I thought it was very kind of him. Made all the other doctors laugh, so I guess some good kharma was generated.
Wow, what an experience. I wish I had something to say, but to be honest, that's way out of my league. All I can say is that your reaction seems rather understandable considering what you've just been through. I can't imagine that I'd be feeling any differently.
Best wishes,
Jason
My own conclusion is that I have had a 'dress rehearsal' which did not go well. When I was, briefly, on the stage, I learned that a bad D.R. almost guaranteed a good First Night.
Sorry I didn't get to this earlier. My life has changed also. I finally got a job after over a year without one, at least a regular 9-5 one. It's only temporary, but it pays really well. It's also a case of karma in action as I'm doing work for the Department of Defense again. Just like when I first came to the DC area 30 years ago. Strange.
Anyway, sorry to hear about your experience, though I don't necessarily see such experiences as a bad thing as you can learn a lot from them. I had a near-death experience once also. I was working at a psych hospital and a patient kicked me as hard as he could right in the groin. Ouch! But aside from hurting for a while, I didn't pay it much mind. Then a couple of months later I got really, really deathly ill. I thought it was just a bad case of the flu, but then the head nurse from my unit came to check on me, took one look and immediately took me to the hospital. I was running a very high fever, couldn't eat, was really out of it. After many tests, they finally figured out that when the patient had kicked me, it burst a blood vessel under the capsule of the liver (the abdomen is basically a bag of water, so when you kick one side, the force is transmitted to the other side). It had been leaking blood that whole time without my knowing and had formed an abcess the size of a grapefruit (it was under the ribcage, so difficult to palpitate). Then it got infected. So they started giving me antibiotics. However, while the antibiotics were killing the infection, it also weakened the wall of the abcess, and one day it burst. Felt like someone pouring molten iron into my guts. I had to be rushed to surgery to get my insides cleaned out. They told my parents I had a 50-50 chance of living (they were probably being overly hopeful actually). However, I'm a pretty tough bird, so I did survive, actually had almost no after effects. Well, they did have to drain my lungs as the stuff was so toxic it ate through my diaphragm into my lungs, and I also had a scary but not dangerous episode of biliary tree spasms, but other than that, the docs were amazed at my recovery. Of course, this had all happened right after I saw the Karmapa (XVI, the last one) give the Black Hat ceremony in Chicago. When I was recovering in the hospital, it was like he was somehow with me, and I felt like a golden rod of energy running through me that healed me. I figure it was just cleaning up eons of negative karma, so I think it was worth going through!
Anyway, to answer your question, generally it is taught that when people die they experience the after death period through the teachings of whatever faith they may have had in life. Christians would experience something like heaven (or maybe hell), Buddhists (at least Tibetan ones) would see deities, etc. The sadness you felt may indicate some underlying sense of loss that you normally don't allow yourself to see. For instance, one of my teachers said that at the time of death what you will really regret is all the lost opportunities for practice and broken samaya during your life. Maybe (I'm just speculating) you do have a strong urge to practice but are regretting not doing it? I don't know, only you can really answer that question. The fear is a little easier to understand. Death is the great unknown, and what is scarier than entering the unknown? I think it is only natural to feel fear at that moment. In fact, most people faint dead away (if you'll excuse the pun) when they die, thus missing the one time in their entire life when the dharmadhatu, or primordial wisdom mind, is readily available to them.
It will be great to see you if you come to the temple tomorrow. I should be there. Supposed to be a nice sunny day too. Great day to enjoy the grounds. It's OK that you didn't make it back after your visit, you know. No big deal. It took me a long while to actually get into Buddhism, so I don't have unrealistic expectations of others. Just come whenever you like!
Palzang
I'm very glad you survived that cardiac episode and came here to tell us about it. Like Jason, this sort of thing is way out of my league but I did want to say that i think anything that gets us practicing more is a good thing.
So that's two good things right there; you survived and you feel the need to renew your efforts in practice.
I'm really glad you posted this because the responses were great. I hope you stay well and I'm sending you my deepest wishes for peace and joy today and every day.
I too am happy to hear that you survived your experience and that you wish to practice.
It is my personal opinion that if we become too concerned with our future lives we miss out on the freshness of just relaxing in the present moment. We really shouldn't fear death, it is a natural occurence for all living beings.
Palzang - I took refuge with HH 16th Karmapa so I'm very pleased to hear of your own interactions !
Kind wishes to all,
Dazzle
Palzang
I'm hoping very much that HH 17th Karmapa will come to the UK for a visit eventually. I think he's going to be quite special in the Tibetan Buddhist world.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
Maybe you are mixing him up with someone else?
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
From the pictures of him even as a young boy he has the same presence as his predecessor. Very dynamic and powerful, while at the same time very gentle and kind. I wish I could have seen him when he came to the US.
Palzang
Obviously you aren't familiar with the siddhis of Brother Simon, Dazzle!
Palzang
As you are doubtless aware, there is a contention over the recognition of HH Karmapa's current incarnation. I will not intrude an opinion of which or whether both of the candidates are authentic or not. However, Trinley Thaye Dorje was born in 1983 though not formerly recognized by the Shamarpa until 1994 after he fled Tibet so either way I don't think Simon is speaking of HH Karmapa as you have noted.
When one views all of the trouble with politics in the tulku system in Tibet, and then looks at the overweening pride of most Western dharma practitioners, it really looks to me like this is a cultural practice which should come under some scrutiny as Dharma takes root in the West. A real tulku will emerge through the strength of their practice anyway, regardless of the title.
Namgyal
Hi Namgyal,
Whilst I take note of what you are saying I don't think there is much contention these days over who is the authentic Karmapa. It's even been said that HH Orgyen Trinley Dorje may eventually take the place of HH Dalai Lama one day - they are close friends. HH Karmapa also appears to already be giving some powerful teachings and making some long overdue reforms (such as making monasteries and centres vegetarian and investigating the ordination arrangements for nuns etc)
However, like you, I'm not really interested in discussing it further.
I agree that in general there may be difficulties with the system as it stands and also in the outlook of some westerners - but I don't think any really significant changes will happen any time soon, to be quite honest.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
Palzang
Many apologies. The date should read 2001, on the same visit to McLeodGanj during which we met HHDL.
My concern is equally with all of the political battles that have been fought over the years, including actual physical battles between monasteries-- most notably in the recent past at the behest of Pabongka. These issues are not all laid at the feet of the tulku system of course, but the fact is that as soon as large amounts of money and status are involved there will be conflict.
The tulku system on the one hand is a wonderful way to make sure that high lamas are immediately trained and can return to benefiting beings through promoting the lineage. On the other hand it has been used as a way to consolidate wealth and power in the hands of the greedy and ambitious.
Those tulkus who spend many years in strict retreat accomplishing the teachings of the lineage are deserving of our respect regardless of the glory of their past lives. Those tulkus who trade merely on title, lacking even a modicum of restraint in worldly matters and instead amassing wealth and power are a real danger to our credibility as a new Western religion.
We already have quite credible feudal organizations in the body of the Catholic Church. I don't think that we can do much to innovate upon their wild success in accumulating wealth at the expense of their subjects.
Best regards,
Namgyal
The changes will not be made by the Tibetans, to be sure. The changes will come as those Western lineage holders that have grown up in a democratic society relatively free of feudal rivalries and patriarchal views of women adapt the cultural formulation of Buddhism to a new time and place.
To this end, it is really wonderful the work that Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche has been spearheading to make a full translation of the Kangyur and other important texts:
http://www.khyentsefoundation.com/2009_03_read_dzongsar_khyentse_rinpoches_keynote_address.html
Those of us who have grown up in the traditions of the West, learned its philosophical and religious systems and enjoyed its prosperity and freedom *must* make an imprint on the Dharma as it takes root here and not merely kowtow to the parochial concerns of the Tibetan people.
Best regards,
Namgyal
I agree that there are a lot of unnecessary cultural matters to address but of course many Tibetans wishing to halt their diaspora will (and do) still cling fiecely to their traditional ideas....some of which are of course quite difficult for westerners to fully adapt to.
Regarding Dzongsar khyentse Rinpoche, he has written an excellent book"What Makes You Not A Buddist" which strips everything down to the basics of the four seals:
'All compounded things are impermanent
All emotions are pain.
All things have no inherent existence
Nirvana is beyond concepts.'
http://www.wisdom-books.com/ProductDetail.asp?PID=16206
Well worth a read for beginners and also for experienced practitioners to refresh themselves with.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
I have found it excellent for my practice. Buddhism teaches impermanence ... so does atrial fibrillation! Buddhism teaches that suffering exists ... so does atrial fibrillation! During episodes, and in between episodes, mindfulness becomes a more frequent place to reside. You find yourself observing events, asking, "Hmm, what will happen next?" ... very much like when you take a trip and you just observe the world go by.
Have you considered the possibility of sleep apnea? One doesn't always have their sleep disrupted by apnea events, so it often goes undiagnosed. It can cause atrial fibrillation, even hours and hours after you have woken up.
I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (34 events per hour), and since I have started sleeping with a CPAP machine (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure), my A-fib has diminished, both in frequency and in intensity. It's still there, though -- maybe it will go away with time, maybe it will remain. As Buddhism teaches, change IS inevitable.
I was definitely meant to remember that life is a continuum, no beginning, no end. We go to sleep at night, we rise again next day in the same body. When that is no longer possible. We 'go to sleep' for the last time in that body and we 'rise again' in a new one. After the experiences I've had, it makes perfect sense to me.