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A 'straw that broke the camel's back' kinda thing
I thought I'd throw this open. I am sure my practice can help with 'it' but I'm too close to 'it' to see how to help myself... A 'cannot see the wood for the trees scenario' and therefore thought I'd wave the white flag for some assistance if that's ok...
Quite often I feel 'overwhelmed' and the distinct image I have in my head is a vase that's full to the brim and the water keeps pouring onto it and so it goes everywhere.
I am starting my new job on Monday, as I have previously posted and I am apprehensive about my days being filled-up again (after five months of unemployment) and a sort of 'oh I won't cope' feeling. Not with the workload, but with something making demands on my 'mental space'.
It's not really anxiety and I'm very excited (not to mention how fortunate I feel!!) I can't put my finger on it, it's just I feel like my head's full sometimes as if there's no space for anything else.
Make sense or shall I get my coat now?
If you have any anecdotes, meditation ideas or suggestions I would be so happy to read them! It might sound silly but it's causing me a bit of anguish.
Thanks guys.
Quite often I feel 'overwhelmed' and the distinct image I have in my head is a vase that's full to the brim and the water keeps pouring onto it and so it goes everywhere.
I am starting my new job on Monday, as I have previously posted and I am apprehensive about my days being filled-up again (after five months of unemployment) and a sort of 'oh I won't cope' feeling. Not with the workload, but with something making demands on my 'mental space'.
It's not really anxiety and I'm very excited (not to mention how fortunate I feel!!) I can't put my finger on it, it's just I feel like my head's full sometimes as if there's no space for anything else.
Make sense or shall I get my coat now?
If you have any anecdotes, meditation ideas or suggestions I would be so happy to read them! It might sound silly but it's causing me a bit of anguish.
Thanks guys.
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Comments
Trust. You were employed due to trust therefore return the trust. Often we have an expectation of our employers that is not warranted. Often they are more forgiving than we think. Picture yourself working with composure & mindfulness. That is the right pace. Looking after yourself and your own mind. Looking after your employer.
Right livelihood. This is a factor of the path. All of us must earn a living.
Gratitude. It is a blessing to have a job.
Best wishes
DDhatu
here's a thing....
This vase of yours....
Why not visualise it as watching the water level stop and go down again....?
As it recedes back into the vase, repeat something comforting and positive to yourself, such as - I am controlled" or " I am focussed".....or better still "There is no harm, all is well."
Then see it filled with fresh, blooming flowers with a wonderful fragrance......
Be kind to yourself. And know this:
You are not isolated.
We all get to have these feelings at times, so you are amongst friends!
(but hey, you knew that already, right...?
Well, All, I was just about to type how happy I am on this forum and to thank you all for taking me under your wing, before I saw these messages
I'm hardly an accomplished scholar on the subject of buddhism, although of course it has a huge importance for me and my life, but I do enjoy chatting to people who have similar values about different things. Thank you so much.
Yes, I am very grateful and it's not a worry that I won't be good enough. I can only do my best, right?
But the vase fills up at times regardless.
So, Fede, your visualisation (I find them very helpful) is exactly the sort of thing I needed !!
I will look at Lexapro, thank you, although I'd like to get this nailed naturally if I can.
Hi, Sara.
You received some great advice already so I'll just add that it's possible you could be feeling at least some anxiety because we all do when we start a new job and maybe it's the anxiety, even if it's very low level, that feels like it's filling your head. If this is the case, or even just partially the case, it will go away within a few days of working at your new job.
Perhaps I'm oversimplifying and I definitely don't want you to feel like I'm invalidating your experience in any way. I guess I should explain where I'm coming from a bit.
I got injured at work a few years back and as a result I have a disability that prevents me from working or even driving now. I used to be a workaholic in the worst sense. I used work to define myself, to hide from my mind etc. etc. When it was suddenly taken away from me and everything came to a grinding halt I went into quite a tailspin. I found myself alone, with far too much time on my hands, and living almost entirely in my own head. The same head I'd been avoiding for 20 years. And it felt just as you described it; like an overfilled vase.
The only solution that worked for me was to get out of my head (no, I don't mean getting intoxicated!:p) and I found ways to do that. But meditation, just the simple watching the breath kind, was what worked the best.
So basically I thought more about others, their lives, their suffering and I meditated. I went out and in, if you get my meaning. Whenever I get that "overfilled vase" feeling I go online and check out charity sites, especially Avaaz (one of my favourites), and I do more meditation. That's the strategy I use and I works really well for me.
But you'll be starting a new job so that's going to go a long way to getting you out of your own head. I really believe the "over filled vase" feeling will go away within a few days of working. I really do.
So in the meantime ask yourself what Ajahn Chah would ask people when they came to him with their troubles: Can you endure it?
By the way, I'm so happy you came to this site. I really enjoy reading your posts and I think you've added something great to our community.
Lots of love and hugs,
Boo
I think you're right about anxiety actually. Naturally I must have some and that full feeling is a symptom of anxiety, although I can't remember where I read that. Wish I could.
Your experience sounds pretty awful and very trying. A girl on my course (someone I admire) had an accident and she spent three years learning to walk again. I mention her because something in your posts reminded me of her and I felt like I knew you a bit from the beginning. Weird when that happens. Anyway, that isn't to invalidate your very personal experience but explains why I feel a connection with you.
Out of the blue life-changing events like that must be pretty horrendous and I am very fortunate not to have experienced something like that. Well done you for seeing the positive in it. Must have been very hard confronting what must have been a void after being something of a workaholic.
Your way of getting out of your head (lol) suits me fine. I too have a charity I find fascinating (SOS Childrens Villages) and have not persued my interest since I've been unemployed and unable to sponsor a child. You've put me back on track. Thanks.
We so often have 'white noise' in our heads. I've learnt to identify actual harmful, distressing and unhelpful thoughts but sometimes we have 'white noise' playing in the background whereby we can't pull out actual defined thoughts, but it shhhh sound get's us down all the same and produces emotions in the body that sort of tunes into it.
Yesterday I had a whole day on my psychotherapy studies and it does tend to happen more when I study or attend class.
After a night out or when I've been otherwise engrossed it doesn't happen so you must have a point with the introspection thing.
Thanks so much,
I had an immediate connection to you too when you first joined because of your name. My first best friend from the time I was 3 years old, was a Sara (spelled just like yours). She even lived right next door and we were inseparable until we were about 12.
I know what you mean about the white noise in our heads. I guess everybody does, or maybe not. Meditation has been immensely helpful for that specific thing. The white noise I used to experience is hardly there at all anymore. Or at least the high level of it. It's probably there at a lower level but at least I'm getting somewhere. Slow and steady wins the race.
Hugs to you, Sara.
Love,
Boo
While not a Buddhist response, however this may have some positive effects. Many, many years ago, Dale Carnegie wrote several books on how to manage your life. In one, he put forth the idea of living in "day tight" compartments.
Too often we are overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of things that lie before us. Carnegie's point was to just focus on TODAY... just deal with things that will happen TODAY, organize TODAY, and don't even think about the implications of tomorrow, next week , next month.
Break it down into a managable chunk and you CAN deal with that. Then before you realize it, you're coping!!! Try it... it worked wonders for me.
Les
Namasté
Not a bad idea at all Les.
Will do a bit of research tomorrow on the topic and report back!
I woke up this morning and realised something. It happens when I've been concentrating on something... Afterwards, I replay things over and over in my head and hold onto it. I don't know what purpose this serves (I must do it for a reason). I think it might be that when I look up, having been concentrating for ages (me being a bit intense could be a whole day), well then suddenly there's nothing. A sort of void. I guess I hold onto the experience to steady myself until I'm concentrated on something else and forget myself again.
This would indicate to me that I need to cultivate more inner calm so I can hang onto that instead.
My thoughts this morning...
Good luck!
Starting any new job can be disquieting. I have been out of work for 11 months and starting a new job next week. I've done this work for 12 years now, but everyone has there differences and what they want. There is a great practice for the moments when you feel overwhelmed. Thich Nhat Hahn suggests that you do whatever you are doing mindfully. I work as an RN in ICU and it can be busy and stressful. When things get nutty, I would "Stay in the moment". I adminstered medications to a patient, not me being administered by the meds/stress of the unit to the patient. Another thing I do is since I walk alot at work, I use it as an opportunity to check in with my breath. Just remember, you don't know how to do the job you were hired for yet. You will learn it and do fine. As long as you know basics, most employers just expect that you try your best and ask questions on what you don't know. Good luck and keep your chin up. YOU CAN DO IT!
Jerbear
Not much to add but you asked for personal view so here's mine.
First of all, the advice to "be kind to yourself" needs to be taken seriously. The world around us brings us many stressors and it is important not to add to them by turning our mind into a magnifying glass: we shall burn up in the concentrated beam. Just as you need to eat and sleep, you also need to 'remove' yourself into a quiet place, internal if not external.
Years ago, at one of the first training workshops I attended, we were invited to construct an internal "quiet place". You can find aspects of it in Virginia Satir's Meditations. Although, these days, I will only 'go there' on very rare occasions, it is still there when I feel overwhelmed and even silent sitting will not settle me.
It has taken me decades to reach a point where I can bring attention to a single point at times other than when sitting. But it has been worth it: the view is so much better.
So, don't give up on yourself.
I'm not sure what your psychosynthesis training may include but I recall that my own work with a local practitioner, Christoph Greatorex, laid great emphasis on the meditative aspect of the work. You say: "Yesterday I had a whole day on my psychotherapy studies and it does tend to happen more when I study or attend class. " The work, surely, invites us to disidentification and that is best achieved by Assagioli's basic meditation. So what you would be doing is starting and finishing your study time with a calming exercise. Helps me - could be useful?
All will be well, dear friend.
Hey good luck to you too then !!
Thank you for your lovely post, do you know in which book he specifically talks about this feeling of being overwhelmed? I love Thich Nhat Hanh and have never come across this.
I did love his analogy in one of his books (as he explained it to a child) of a person being like a glass of apple juice. He related all the 'bits' floating around in the juice and then finally settling at the bottom of the glass, to being like the human mind, having discovered mindfulness
I know medication isn't the answer long-term but I did take the tiniest dose of Bromazapam yeaterday and I personally find it very helpful for keeping all the 'rest out' and concentrating on one thing.
(The benefit of medication is, for me, that it can show you yourself if you were calmer, less panicky, feeling more solid, etc., then you can learn to recreate that state through meditation and mindfulness, etc.)
Excellent. How well put! Thank you Simon I shall remember this.
Googling this second!
Oh goodness. You are so right. This is what Assagioli would have said, for sure. 'Disidentification' is something we started to cover a few months back and it is excellent. Achieving it will take practice but you are sooo right. Thanks for bringing this back to my attention !!
Simon, your posts are a real pleasure to read. A true pleasure.
Some good advice here to your questions.
I think you're on track with what you've said here. Part of it is that we take in soooo much input with all the things we are trying to do and don't bother to really absorb it and process it properly. It's not much different than not organizing a large workload in an office. Your papers pile up, you only have a vague organizational system. So, you're constantly having to check through everything to make sure you don't forget that one important document or miss that important deadline. What you'd do in this instance is take some time to organize your desk, get some file folders, fill out a day planner for all your deadlines. That way, you only have to face one task at a time. I think this is kind of what Les was saying earlier.
Similarly, we just take in all kinds of data and sensory input and really don't know how to process it. Our headspace is like that cluttered desk space. So, that's where you really need to start taking time to really take stock all these mental tasks and such. We are just keeping everything in our mental queue and we have to constantly switch back and forth. Of course, some multitasking is unavoidable, but it's best really start resolving these issues and deal with them in a way that does not accumulate anxiety.
That's another thing that I thought about when reading this thread: the word "dukkha." More often than not it's simply translated as "suffering." But it is a broader word than that and there are other translations of it that are more appropriate in different contexts. One of the ways I've seen Dukkha translated is with the "stress." I've also seen "anxiety" used as something of a synonym. Basically, all these experiences are stressful on some level. What Buddhism prescribes here is to look deeply at our experience. We sit and we watch. We see what our mind is doing, how it's processing things. We start to see all the clinging and then we gently recognize and drop these clingings-on-to.
Personally, I use my breath as my object of focus (more often than not). Whenever I catch myself getting mentally jumbled or anxious, I'll stop and do three full mindful breaths. This is usually enough to calm myself down and mentally regroup to approach the task at hand. From there, I just kind of bear down and do what I need to do. I imagine this would work with mantra repetition, etc or any other sort of basic object of concentration that doesn't require a physical prop (though you could carry a mala around with you).
Also, a very powerful practice is called "The Four Foundations of Mindfulness." Imo, it's a fundamental practice in developing Right View. It helps us really assess our situation properly and not get carried away by our sensations, thoughts, etc. Here is a link of Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh speaking on the subject:
http://www.plumvillage.org/HTML/dharmatalks/html/fourfoundationofmindfulness.html
Anyway, good luck and I hope your practice continues to bring about good things for you.
_/\_
P.S.-Hi, everybody. Long time
Namaste, All
_/\_
"There is a tide in the affairs of men"
W. Shakespeare - Julius Caesar
How true that is, even today LOL
_/\_
I am someone who has to take antidepressants like a diabetic takes insulin. If I do not take my medication, I become unwell quickly. Within 2 weeks, I am usually in a gutter crawling, fear filled, depression because I decided I could try to get off of them. For as long as I have taken what I do, I've tried a few times to get off of them but had disastrous results.
My point in saying this is medication for me helps steer me to reality. I get tired of taking them and say I can hardly tell I'm taking them and they're expensive so let's try to get off of them. My partner and close friends know when I'm trying to get off of them, as the change is pretty demonstrable.
So take it from Nurse Jerry "Take your meds as it is good for you" not Nurse Ratchet (or anyone else involved in the process) to say "Here take it or will tell the doctor you're not doing what he prescribes." or something like that. I hope you get the point.
The book is "The Miracle of Mindfulness"
Jerry
But today, as an example of my ineptitude, I waitressed at a wedding. I was petrified and the whole OCD, feelings of unreality and feeling actually quite depressed, kicked off for 48 hours prior.
I made a real effort to be mindful but it was like steering a boat in a storm.
Ho hum... This is where I realise after 5 months of unemployment and a lot of good intentions that practice and right livelihood and getting out amongst other people etc., (and not reading in my little corner, free from worldly worries), is what will strengthen me as a person and as a buddhist!
Reality bites, huh?!
My first day went well in practice but in my head I was a mess. Some latent depression there I think - it needed pressure for it to come out. Not pleasant but as always, instructive!
Thought of my new NB friends and looked forward to posting tonight, all day!