Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Buddhism for real people
BaileyD
Explorer
I have no Sangha. My practice is all on my own. I read books to help my practice and visit web forums. i don't know how a lay Buddhist is supposed to practice. All I ever read about is, in my opinion, monks or people trying to emulate the monastic life.
I consider myself Buddhist, flaws and all. I drink too much, eat meat (whole other subject) and have many attachments. I rarely meditate. I am a Buddhist, it makes sense to me, it fits me, it is me. However, sometimes, when I read I think I am less than what I should be. The books and web sites I read make me feel less than Buddhist most of the time.
Right now I am struggling with my home and the mortgage. I know it's an attachment and it's causing suffering, but there's something more to it for me. If I lost the house tomorrow, I wouldn't feel bad, but until then I can't let it go. Things like this make me feel less than Buddhist.
I consider myself Buddhist, flaws and all. I drink too much, eat meat (whole other subject) and have many attachments. I rarely meditate. I am a Buddhist, it makes sense to me, it fits me, it is me. However, sometimes, when I read I think I am less than what I should be. The books and web sites I read make me feel less than Buddhist most of the time.
Right now I am struggling with my home and the mortgage. I know it's an attachment and it's causing suffering, but there's something more to it for me. If I lost the house tomorrow, I wouldn't feel bad, but until then I can't let it go. Things like this make me feel less than Buddhist.
0
Comments
Hi BaileyD
I'm sorry to hear about the troubles. It's easy to lose sight of reality on forums but Buddhism is for real people. It's for everyday people like you and I, and the monastic up the street, and the prison guard behind those walls, the Mother cradling her baby, and the babe herself.
It's OK to feel what you do - and to be a real human being. Buddhism has some good suggestions yes but it's not necessary to lord it over yourself like some banner - when times are tough, take good care of yourself, meditate if you can, and take it easy. Buddhism asks no more and no less.
It's OK to feel as you do. Take good care and all best wishes,
Abu
Palzang
I still consider myself a Buddhist, because like you, it just makes more sense to me than anything else. For now, at this stage in my life, I take what I need and leave the rest.
Feel free to join in here, they're all a great bunch, and you'll find kindred spirits, and little gems of wisdom dropped along the path. I'm particularly fond of those dropped by Palzang and Simon whom I consider mentors of sorts (even tho' they didn't ask for the job).
Stay for a while... relax... and just be!
Namasté
For me, this should make you feel more like a Buddhist. For me, your understanding of Buddhism is unclear.
The Buddha did not teach for laypeople to emulate the monastic life. This impression you have gained is not from Buddhism but from the views of Westerners who have not learned the distinction made by the Buddha in regards to monks and laypeople.
For example, whilst the Buddha did instruct it is best for a layperson to not be attached to wealth & property, the Buddha did instruct laypeople that to have wealth & property is happiness or the mitigation of suffering in the material realm.
Laypeople have families and to own a home & be able to provide for one's family to the Buddha was something very advantageous. Buddha said: In short, that you perceive Westerners trying to emulate the monastic life or that you are concerned about losing your home, which you have worked hard for, is a mark of wisdom rather than a mark of ignorance.
To me, you are not "less than Buddhist" but the contrary. Buddhism is first & foremost 'common sense'.
If you are interested in learning about how the Buddha instructed laypeople, there is a collection of his teachings in the publication Constitution For Living by Ven. P. A. Payutto.
An internet version is at this link.
Other discourses of the Buddha include the Dighajanu Sutta and the (foremost) Sigalovada Sutta.
Best wishes
DDhatu
Same here. There are advantages in this approach.
Yep, that's right. A lot of web-Buddhists get quite anal about it. Like, if you don't have a perfect teacher, awesome empowerments and aren't the world's greatest authority on Pali or the Abhidhamma, you have no chance... well, in fact if you are not them (read God's gift) you have no chance.
It's all bull. You have everything you need now. Just need a few pointers that all. It's all very simple stuff in fact.
Namste
I would recommend "The Joy of Living" by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (a Tibetan Buddhist teacher)
and 'The Sound of Silence' by Ajahn Sumedho (a Theravada teacher)
Both authors are monks but the books are suitable for lay practitioners.
Alternatively I would suggest 'What makes you not a Buddhist' by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse -who's a lay lama. This book is a witty look at modern Buddhism and addresses the core teachings of the Buddha.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
Best of luck .
_/\_
THis one as far as I am concerend, fits the bill:
"City Dharma" by Arthur Jeon.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/0749925337
I love it. It's no-nonsense, factual, day-to-day stuff, by an author who is also a laypersdon.
In the time of Buddha, I dont think they had to worry too much about loosing their home because the economy got so bad they couldnt make their mortgage payments....but we do and that makes us human. Modern Day humans. I have been around to hundreds of Buddhist sites looking for one I could learn from.....I know what you are talking about!
I think your point is a very valid one, Suzanne, and, indeed, a great deal of my contact with fellow pilgrims is now across the Net. Many, if not most, of us here are without a local group. Some of us could, if we were car owners, drive miles to a meeting but, in my own case, the poverty imposed on the pensioner prevents car use.
My solution has been to use the Net and even to join meditation and/or study sessions using Instant Messaging. It has been a real joy to know that I am sitting at the same time and in solidarity with people across the world, all at the same time.
Even my 'work' as an advisor and spiritual friend has been able to continue because of the contact available electronically.
I can see you've received tonnes of great advice already. I'll also check out City Dharma. I remember feeling the same way for quite a while.
The points I would have also put down... Firstly the 'if the cap fits...' then why not call yourself a buddhist... You know in countries like Thailand that is 97% buddhist I think, the vast majority of the population go to the temple and give alms in the same way as most people in the west go to church - for major events and when they are confronting extreme circumastances - positive or negative - for guidance.
I would agree that the Western interpretation of 'being a buddhist' is extremely intense. We cannot all go off and live on a mountain contemplating our naval. And aside from that, spending long periods in isolation from the real world and being, well anal, is not MY idea of buddhism.
I don't drink or smoke, am pretty strict on myself sexually (in the sense I have high morals I struggle with) and I'm a very self-controlled person.. And I rarely refer to myself as buddhist although that's how I think of myself. I have a feeling I'm not worthy of such a label (and aside from that I hate labels).
I have seen some extreme nastiness on buddhist forums and an attitude labelled by Knitwitch (also on this forum) as 'Boddhisattva-ra-than-thou' (lol) which I hope I've just spelt right
I think buddhism in daily life is a lot to do with energies - performing simple kindnesses, empathy, being authentic and doing things 'right'. In the limits fo being human.
Also, having home and mortgage issues is really terrifying so please don't beat yourself up. That would scare anyone in any culture!
Go easy on yourself,
It is difficult at times and I sometimes feel I am reinventing the wheel but I learn a great deal through patient observation and just making a point of sitting there for 40 minutes each day.
Mary
Beautiful
Welcome to the site. It's lovely to meet you!
Right now it is winter here and I have a bad chest infection and head cold, so I am not doing a 'bare breath' meditation (breathing meditations work well for me). Instead I am just sitting with a candle flame in a darkened room, watching, noting, sitting. The flame gives me a single point of focus.
Mary
Actually you started your last two sentences with "also" and "go". This proves that you have spiritual development!
Palzang
Palzang
Where are you exactly? I'd like to have a look on the internet. I don't know that neck of the woods at all.
Get better soon x
Back to topic...
~nomad
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
For some years I worked with a highly skilled therapist who was herself Theravada Buddhist and who introduced me to a profound understanding of impermanence. Her listening skills helped me to begin finding a voice that was not just mimicry and to deal with my own resistance to change and loss and the vicissitudes of the society I live in. I went on to do a vipassana retreat and then a rather zany Zen retreat in the semi-desert of the Karoo. But mostly I practise alone.
Good to be here.
Mary