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Question about sex

SquillSquill
edited August 2010 in Buddhism Basics
Alright, I have been thinking about practicing the religion of Buddhism, I just have one question. Is there any rule's on sex? Like pre-marital and stuff like that. My girlfriend said that if your a Buddhist that you can't have sex, but then I thought to myself. "If you can't have sex in this religion then it would haev been dead ages ago." So from what I'm guessing is that you can have sex, I was just wondering if there are any general rules about it. Thanks!

Comments

  • LincLinc Site owner Detroit Moderator
    edited September 2004
    It's only monks that can't have sex to my knowledge. There's a precept that you should not cheat on your significant other / commit adultery... that's about it I think.
  • BrianBrian Detroit, MI Moderator
    edited September 2004
    Yes, while you are a monk (if ever) you are to abstain from sex of any kind. However, buddhism is actually very open regarding sexual conduct. The Buddha stated that we should refrain from sex outside of marriage unless both partners agree, forced sex, and that's about it. It's one of the most sexually liberal spiritual movements out there.

    But on the flip side of the coin, sex is just another attachment (an especially strong one, for most people) and so it can be very distracting from the ultimate goal.
  • Hopkins215Hopkins215
    edited May 2005
    Just a question kinda pertaining to The sex question. If monks cant have sex can they still adopt so they have children. Or is being a monk like being a priest in the catholic church where you have to devote yourself entirely to god. Sorry if this is a stupid question.
    -Don
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited May 2005
    Buddhism is not a religion with life-restraining, emotion-confining rigid rules, like Catholicism can be in its' strictest terms. It is by no means unusual for a monk to be able to leave his sangha, reverert to being a lay practitioner and to start a family, should he feel the desire to do so. One of America's most revered and famous Lamas is by origin, a jewish man, and he is married....
    The only confines are those within the mind. There are precepts - there for very good reason, and this is not all to say that they can be taken with a shrug of the shoulders. "Look, I'll do this for a while, then I'll leave, hang around some strip joints, pick up a hooker, have unprotected sex and a few orgies, then I'll go back!! Simple!!" Anyone in their right mind would know that's not the way to play it..... ;) They didn't call the best advice in the world ever 'The Middle Way' for nothing you know... providing you are mindful of the first five precepts and the noble Eightfold Path, and use them as a linchpin for what you Think/Say/Do..... your thoughts, words and actions should be wholesome.
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    Hi I am new to this forum. I have been reading on the 5 precepts and from what I have read on sex is that lustful thoughts and pornography is not recomended. But at the same time Buddha told us to question everything, even his teachings.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2005
    Precisely so; and this is why buddhism is so complete: it teaches you that the answers you seek, lie within.... The 8 fold path and the 5 precepts are there as guiding principles, as sound, well-tried advice. But it is up to the individual to put them into practice, and to follow them as best as he or she can. This is why the Buddha also included 'Right Effort' and 'Right Intention'. Clever smart-ass, wasn't he?!?
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    Yes he was. LOL
  • wolfscalissiwolfscalissi
    edited June 2005
    the Third grave precept

    key: Not to commit or participate in unchaste conduct. or do not misuse sexuality or do not imbibee in unlawfull sex depending on the translation

    Prohibition: Love Not lusting.

    Aspiration: To give and accept affection and friendship without clinging

    Inspiration: There is no scarcity of love

    It is a generaly mistaken view that celibacy is necesary fo the way. priests and monks were expected to homeleave, take vows of poverty, chastity etc. this was not a precursor for the laity. as smart as Gautama was he wouldnt have thought removing all the people from mainstream life was a good idea. there are countless cases of entire enlightened families living in the real world as functioning Buddhists. I will try to find a link to some of the Buddhas teachings on this.

    ^gassho^
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    I don't think lust is a problem as long as your are honest about it with your significant other.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2005
    It is if they're not the one you're lusting after..... :(
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    My wife doesn't care either way. I guess lusting is one thing but lusting after is another. I beleive there is a difference. I can look at a pretty girl and be attracted to her or even turned on. That is lust. If I lust after that would mean I make an attemp to go after this girl which is wrong in my book. Like I have said my wife is the only one I want. I don't care if she fantasizes about other people and she doesn't care if I do either.
  • wolfscalissiwolfscalissi
    edited June 2005
    comicallyinsane wrote:
    I don't think lust is a problem as long as your are honest about it with your significant other.
    be very very carefull or you might step in it. :bs: there is a misguided perception about Buddhist teachings allowing you a "do what feels good/anything goes" attitude. this is not even close to what it is. aknowledging your thoughts, lust,greed etc is what we do but to not perpetuate them is to end our suffering. and the new age I'm ok just as I am is the same thing. why would you give yourself permission to poison yourself? I appologize if I sound a little preachy or serious about this but what could be more important then the end of your/my suffering?

    ^gassho^
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    Well the BS statement was kind of attacking. Like you are calling me a liar but I know you are trying to help. I don't feel like I am suffering when it comes to this subject. I feel perfectly fine with it. My wife feels fine with it. If one of us ever didn't feel fine then it would be a problem. My suffering comes from my job and my personal physical conditions. I have some back injuries which have caused me to gain weight and I am not able to do the things I used to be able to do. I feel unhealthy and tired all the time. It is something I am working on. I also have an anger problem that is getting better all the time. I handle situations differently now. I tend to let them go after getting a little mad instead of fighting with the person. I am working towards not getting mad at all. I also have a big problem with the world and it's blindness but I have been working on that also. I am just trying to understand things. If the lust issue is something I am wrong on then I am wrong.
  • wolfscalissiwolfscalissi
    edited June 2005
    sorry It was not ment as an attack . just a representation of what you might not want to step in ;)

    ^gassho^
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    Well in life I tread carefully even though I make mistakes. Thank you for your help.
  • DaltheJigsawDaltheJigsaw Mountain View Veteran
    edited August 2010
    This is a very good thread!
    Thank you for clearing this question up:)
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2010
    Ok..... care to let me in on your methodology? You are reviving antique threads, because......?:confused:
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