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Romantic Relationships
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I have been contemplating the role of romantic relationships in the lives of practitioners. Do you have any thoughts, advice, commentary etc that you would like to share about the challenges, benefits etc. <o:p></o:p>
I know during my contemplation the issues of attachment (this one is always rearing it's ugly head isn't it lol), compassion, understanding etc have definitely provoked many new thoughts in my mind in regards to the way I view all relationships, but most especially romantic ones. <o:p></o:p>
A wonderful teaching that I listened to recently highlighted the wonderful aspect of relationships in the way that when they are not necessarily 'ordinary' relationships, as in you and your partner using your union to work together for the ultimate goal of enlightenment, is when they are the most beautiful. It's been my experience that when you loose sight of your mutual aspiration, and become focused on the worldly matters, that it really gets you into trouble. <o:p></o:p>
An article that I read a while back in Shambala Magazine (forgive my horrible referencing abilities right now…I can hear the college profs shrieking) compared intimate relationships to the Charnal ground. In these intimate relationships is where we can really find all the nasty habits about ourselves, and use it as some of the best practice. <o:p></o:p>
Just wondering what others thoughts are
I have been contemplating the role of romantic relationships in the lives of practitioners. Do you have any thoughts, advice, commentary etc that you would like to share about the challenges, benefits etc. <o:p></o:p>
I know during my contemplation the issues of attachment (this one is always rearing it's ugly head isn't it lol), compassion, understanding etc have definitely provoked many new thoughts in my mind in regards to the way I view all relationships, but most especially romantic ones. <o:p></o:p>
A wonderful teaching that I listened to recently highlighted the wonderful aspect of relationships in the way that when they are not necessarily 'ordinary' relationships, as in you and your partner using your union to work together for the ultimate goal of enlightenment, is when they are the most beautiful. It's been my experience that when you loose sight of your mutual aspiration, and become focused on the worldly matters, that it really gets you into trouble. <o:p></o:p>
An article that I read a while back in Shambala Magazine (forgive my horrible referencing abilities right now…I can hear the college profs shrieking) compared intimate relationships to the Charnal ground. In these intimate relationships is where we can really find all the nasty habits about ourselves, and use it as some of the best practice. <o:p></o:p>
Just wondering what others thoughts are
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Comments
This topic is an extensive one.
Initially, I think to differentiate the features of romantic relationships vs more spiritually centred relationships is a good starting point.
For me, romantic relationships focus on 'wants' where as a spiritual relationship starts with a mutual acknowledgement of 'needs'.
I suppose it's something I have not given much thought to before, so I have not realized how extensive of a topic this is....
By sheer coincidence I blogged on the subject last night. My blog address is in my signature.
I am fascinated by this topic at the moment. I just met a young man who brought back memories of how I used to react when I met someone I liked. This time I'm doing things differently and in accordance with the buddhist beliefs I have upheld for the past 2 years.
I would love to interact on this subject anytime. I think our narrow conception of love and romantic love is very damaging and yet very easy to change.
Just my changing perspective (partly down to Eric Fromm, HH the DL and Thich Nhat Hanh in equal measure) has changed my life and when I qualify as a psychotherapist I would love to teach others about this.
Agreed! This is exactly how my perspective has changed! Instead of going on about feelings and love and emotions, blah, I thought about said young man and what my needs and his are...
He needs a job at the moment and just arrived here - so I am helping him. I need a friendship with someone aesthetically pleasing with no projected future or anything analytical. Just appreciating being in a new friends company.
Focusing on needs makes more sense to me.