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I dont GET IT!!!! compassion?
What is compassion?
does it really exist, or do we help others because we realize they are one, interconnected, etc karma, = ulterior motives,
I don't think I do anything nice for anyone,
unless there is some logic behind it.
I don't think I love anyone.
unless there is logic behind it,
like my cat...I love him but i think I only love him because he loves me back and he's cute and he doesn't cause problems for me..not to mention we have a long like 13 years of getting attached to eachother
you know, or my mom,same thing I LOVE HER the most, she raised me , sacrificed most of her life for me. I feel grateful but,
Love and compassion is so CONDITIONED. I have no clue what its like to actually have like unconditional love....or compassion...it must not exist.
It pisses me off to always hear, "practice compassion" etc etc, cause I cant, you know...I have like empathy
that makes me do nice things for people,
sacrifice for people....
I'd lay down my life for strangers only cause it'd be logical, im kinda useless in society...
there is always a selfish reason for the things i do...
not to mention i'm pretty sure compassion is hard work, and i'm really lazy...
So can you guys help me to understand what this compassion is?
I probably can't become the next Buddha, with such a gap in my understanding.....
UNLESS I THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS, that we are all one super organism (the universe) and so its like the hand helping the foot, me helping someone else, there is good reason for the hand to help the foot, cause it's connected,
but u know if the hand is super lazy and weak, he cant really get motivated to help the foot... maybe the foot is dying of aids in africa, but the hand is just a young broke bloke in north america, just living it up wasting his handiness with booze and drugs,(pun intended)....oblivious to the fact that the aids will eventually spread to the hand also.....
:(:(:(:(
does it really exist, or do we help others because we realize they are one, interconnected, etc karma, = ulterior motives,
I don't think I do anything nice for anyone,
unless there is some logic behind it.
I don't think I love anyone.
unless there is logic behind it,
like my cat...I love him but i think I only love him because he loves me back and he's cute and he doesn't cause problems for me..not to mention we have a long like 13 years of getting attached to eachother
you know, or my mom,same thing I LOVE HER the most, she raised me , sacrificed most of her life for me. I feel grateful but,
Love and compassion is so CONDITIONED. I have no clue what its like to actually have like unconditional love....or compassion...it must not exist.
It pisses me off to always hear, "practice compassion" etc etc, cause I cant, you know...I have like empathy
that makes me do nice things for people,
sacrifice for people....
I'd lay down my life for strangers only cause it'd be logical, im kinda useless in society...
there is always a selfish reason for the things i do...
not to mention i'm pretty sure compassion is hard work, and i'm really lazy...
So can you guys help me to understand what this compassion is?
I probably can't become the next Buddha, with such a gap in my understanding.....
UNLESS I THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS, that we are all one super organism (the universe) and so its like the hand helping the foot, me helping someone else, there is good reason for the hand to help the foot, cause it's connected,
but u know if the hand is super lazy and weak, he cant really get motivated to help the foot... maybe the foot is dying of aids in africa, but the hand is just a young broke bloke in north america, just living it up wasting his handiness with booze and drugs,(pun intended)....oblivious to the fact that the aids will eventually spread to the hand also.....
:(:(:(:( 0
Comments
Where do love and compassion come from? They are the expression of the deepest, truest part of our nature, what is revealed if the process of meditation is carried to its conclusion.
That's Ego.
(I'm so good, I hope the person appreciates this, I'm going out of my way here, aren't I a nice guy?)
Don't think about the other person when you practice Compassion.
(They could do with this, they're in such a mess, I mean, why on earth did theyy let themselves get into this hole? I think they need my help, because otherwide they're gonna really mess up big time....)
Just think of the Act of Compassion, when you practice Compassion.
I am doing this, as an act of Loving kindness and compassion.
I wash dishes, because I was dishes.
I mow the lawn, because I mow the lawn.
I give 'x' a lift, because I give 'x' a lift.
This is all done with mindfulness, loving Kindness and Compassion.
It's simple.
(Note: 'Simple' doesn't mean 'easy'.)
heheh don't tell my friends
That is just sentimentality.
Compassion arises naturally from acute awareness of personal experience. When you see someone in pain, you feel pain. That's all there is to it.
Buddhist practice isn't concerned with ontological questions like this. Compassion is not helping others, although it often leads to that.
Love and compassion are different things. Compassion is the acute awareness of personal experience. Loving-kindness is an opening to and an appreciation of personal experience. It's different from cultivating a personally productive relationship through reciprocal altruism.
Your Mom's love is probably unconditioned. You might start looking there.
You don't cultivate compassion or loving-kindness by just sitting down, saying "I'm going to be compassionate," or whatever. These qualities arise naturally from Buddhist practice. Certain practices will make you aware of the reactions and beliefs which obstruct the natural flow of these qualities, but the practice is always to attend carefully to your experience of these obstructions, until they release of their own accord.
I know how painful it is to go through life with such a low opinion of one's self. I'm sorry you're going through that.
The usual prescription is to start the cultivation of these qualities with one's self. That might be a good place to start. You could do the loving-kindness meditation discussed in this series of podcasts.
Actually, compassion is easier than the way you're living now. Now, you chase after this, run away from that. What if you could just rest in whatever arises in your experience, acting as the circumstances demand, without thought for gain or loss, or the impact your actions might have on how others see you?
No, it's not like that. That is a good analogy for how it works on the level of personal experience, though.
Greetings, Inji-gyo, welcome to the discussion!
How nice!
Welcome to the site. It's lovely to meet you.
I think that's an excellent description of compassion and reminding your elderly patients that you will need the same care as they if you're fortunate to live as long as they have is a beautifully compassionate way to allay their embarrassment.
You must be a wonderful caregiver. In my humble opinion it's an attitude and effort like yours that makes a true healer.
Palzang
That is enough.
Believing one must be like Jesus or one must save all sentient beings by placing light rays of love upon each being they meet is taking the matter a little too far.
Part of enlightenment includes accepting life's unsatisfactoriness & imperfections.
If the world still troubles us, our mind is not yet free.
You appear to be taking on the burdens of the whole world. The Buddha did not recommend Jesus martyr mode. The Buddha said the wise drop their burdens and do not pick up any new ones.
Kind regards
DDhatu
http://www.what-buddha-taught.net/Books5/Ajahn_Jayasaro_Wings_of_the_Eagle.htm
_/\_
The Buddha said the wise drop their burdens and do not pick up any new ones'.
How can we be compassionate without picking up new burdens? If my friend is tired so I help her by looking after her kids, surely I am being compassionate by helping her with her burden. (I am new to this and would like to understand more).
I shall look at Dazzles link now.
Where there is true wisdom there is compassion, where there is true compassion there is wisdom. But if compassion lacks wisdom it can do more harm than good. There is an old English saying: `The road to hell is paved with good intentions.' Sometimes people try to do good or to help, without understanding their own mind and motivation, and without understanding the people they want to help. They have no sensitivity to time and place or to their own capacity, and so they don't achieve the results that they hope for. Then they can become angry, disillusioned or offended and if there is any criticism, such a person will feel even more hurt. They might think that the action must have been correct because it was based on a good intention, that their hearts were pure in their intention. But purity of intention is not enough, it has to be based on wisdom: understanding the nature of suffering, how it comes into existence and how it is alleviated. It has to be based on the true understanding of suffering.
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[/FONT] Hmm
By dropping burdens, I am referring to dropping suffering.
By not acquiring new burdens, I am referring to not acquiring the heaviness of the suffering of others.
By all means we can and should help our friends overcome 'their' burdens. In fact, to try to help others free themselves from problems and/or suffering is compassionate action.
But in light of the original question, where one has found some freedom from suffering, one should not acquire the suffering of others so it weighs one down and makes one feel heavily obligated.
It is best to generate gratitude towards one's good fortune rather than guilt.
Your query is more about helping a friend with their responsibilities. Whether or not their responsibilities are a 'burden' is another matter.
In Buddhism, the word 'burden' comes from the Indian word 'bhara', which means 'a heavy load'.
Buddhist practise is performing responsibilities without making them a burden.
For example, if your friend's children misbehave and this causes you stress, you have picked up a burden.
Kind regards
DDhatu
The Four Brahma Vihara are (1) friendliness or loving-kindness (metta); (2) compassion, the wish for others be free from suffering (karuna); (3) sympathetic joy, gladness for the good fortune of others (mudita); and (4) equinimity (upeka), maintaining balance, clarity, buoyancy & watchfulness of mind when one cannot help others.
Helping others with their burdens comes from compassion.
Not being burdened by the burdens of others comes from equinimity.
When helping others, ideally, compassion & equinimity balance & support eachother.
Kind regards
DDhatu
A positive way at looking at equinimity is imparting responsibility on others so they themselves can learn.
Kind regards
DDhatu
I'm sorry that you didn't find the article by Ajahn Jayasaro very helpful. I think in general if we we can develop loving kindness and compassion, it can help to reduce negative emotions and approaching life too selfishly. However we do need to exercise a little wisdom in the process too. For example it wouldn't be a very compassionate thing to do to give a knife to someone who was self-harming if they asked for one.
I'm a geordie myself originally by the way, Hinny, although I live in the south now.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
We can begin to develop calm awareness and wisdom through the practice of daily meditation.
There are a series of meditation instruction videos on U-Tube which you might find helpful . They're given by Ajahn Jayasaro who wrote the article I mentioned to you.
Here's the first one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd7a9Ur2x0o
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
am I close?
Palzang
This is why it is so very important to harness compassion with wisdom. You cannot sacrifice the one for the other. There is nothing wrong with helping others to carry burdens, but we must exercise wisdom so as to know our limits & boundaries. To ease the sufferings of others if it is within our power is simply the most basic manifestation of Buddha-nature, of bodhisattva action.
Each drop of mercy we pour into the world makes it better for the whole.
One can work on other areas of understanding and then experience compassion arising naturally as a result. But equally we can generate it on purpose.
For example, I have deep seated anger, betrayal and abandonment issues with my mother. She's an addict with everything that goes along with it. When she's intoxicated I find it very difficult to manage the rage that attacks me like a malevolent wave. It overcomes me so quickly I barely have to time to think. I've been working on this issue, probably the biggest one of my life, for 4 years and it seems like I've hardly made a dent in it yet. I'm always telling myself I have to work harder on it.
As well as adjusting my expectations of her, the little progress I've made with this anger so far is in generating empathy, compassion, love, and respect for my mother and doing everything I can to hold onto those feelings during times I know are triggers for the anger. I look for any excuse to feel warmly toward her. Sometimes I imagine her as a 3-4 year old girl, completely innocent and vulnerable, loving and needing love. Sometimes I imagine the pain she went through delivering me, her 5th child. Whatever works.
It's really hard because I've been indulging the anger for my whole life and only started purposely giving energy to the positive emotions a few years ago. The effort sometimes makes me feel a bit nauseated, as if I've been trying to write with my left hand (I'm right hanged). And I'm not very good at it yet. I'm lazy about it and I avoid it. It's easy to get discouraged. But I have to do it no matter what. It's the most important thing I'll probably ever get to do.
So it's possible and a good practice to purposely generate compassion, imho.
Palzang
Palzang
I too have been working on wise compassion. My son (6) has been upset going into school in the mornings, he doesn't like to leave me and cries. This is not a new thing and in the past I have acted compassionately but unwisely (by doing what I thought I should do, or following advice), this has made the situation worse. This week I have been wiser, we agreed that if he felt sad it was ok to cry. When he cries I pretend not to notice (ie don't make a fuss) and lo and behold the tears soon dry up and he is finding goodbyes much easier.
Without the discussions on this thread, I would never have been able to do that. Thank you.
I only learned this recently. What a relief it is too.
We can only be one person at a time. We are not equipped with the emotions, responsibility and energy to be multiple people at once