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The Trials Begin...
I've decided I need to totally transform myself and quickly. In order to become the man I want to be. So it will call for desperate measures..
I've decided to do ridiculous challenges of endurance of the body and the mind.
Yesterday I did some, Physical training, (since I just recently quit smoking and drinking (lethal amounts) )
So I ran until I couldn't run anymore, until i was almost sick , and then I re-ran the entire length of what just made me sick. the 2nd time was easier for some reason...
Then the Mental training: from 5am to 6am today I sat still on my hard wood chair, and just looked at my digital clock. for one complete hour. it was pretty ridiculous, try it, you will see what i call "the animal in the cage" effect . It made me think I had spiders on my face, itches all over my body just to get me to move, , It's interesting to battle against your own will like that. If you try it, note how you feel at the 30 minutes point.
I figure after conquering that, Training my RESOLVE... I will easily be able to conquer drugs or alcohol. which only takes a split second of will to decline an offer.
Anyway I'm going to devise more challenges, and post them here, because they all have sort of an underlying meditation theme. My will is like a small muscle that I've just discovered but I need it to have amazing strength to achieve my goals...gotta work out
I've decided to do ridiculous challenges of endurance of the body and the mind.
Yesterday I did some, Physical training, (since I just recently quit smoking and drinking (lethal amounts) )
So I ran until I couldn't run anymore, until i was almost sick , and then I re-ran the entire length of what just made me sick. the 2nd time was easier for some reason...
Then the Mental training: from 5am to 6am today I sat still on my hard wood chair, and just looked at my digital clock. for one complete hour. it was pretty ridiculous, try it, you will see what i call "the animal in the cage" effect . It made me think I had spiders on my face, itches all over my body just to get me to move, , It's interesting to battle against your own will like that. If you try it, note how you feel at the 30 minutes point.
I figure after conquering that, Training my RESOLVE... I will easily be able to conquer drugs or alcohol. which only takes a split second of will to decline an offer.
Anyway I'm going to devise more challenges, and post them here, because they all have sort of an underlying meditation theme. My will is like a small muscle that I've just discovered but I need it to have amazing strength to achieve my goals...gotta work out
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Comments
I like to compare starting meditation to dipping chips in dip. If you get too much dip you lessen the overall experience, same if you don't get enough. In meditation I feel it is better to keep it at a comfortable lesser amount first because unlike chips, you're welcome to double dip.
If you habitually sit and meditate for 15 minutes to the point that your day wouldn't be complete with out it, you can aim for 30.
There are many ways, and I am not saying yours is any less of a way than the others out there. So please keep us informed on how you're progressing.
For what it's worth, Buddhist practice is concerned with the end of becoming. Good luck, though.
Here's my website which gives basics in dhamma and meditation. You may or may not have a peek, but it might help.
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~sunil_vijaya/
Palzang
I don't like it...
The tortoise if you remember, only won because the hare was silly, cocky and arrogant. Imagine if the hare was smart, sharp and humble. He would accomplish much more than the tortoise. And possibly reach enlightenment faster
(don't say "it's not a race" ahahahha)
But in fact the hare was not smart, sharp, and humble. That's the point.
Palzang
While the hare is running lap after lap, the tortoise has simply stepped off the track.
Anyway I do need to change however because I'm inadvertently causing other people to suffer.
My goal when I say "becoming the man I want to be", is becoming at the very least a man who doesn't make ripples that hurt the other ducks in the pond...:cool:
and to accomplish this I need more strength of mind body and character..
right now as I am.... I will just die in a huge debt to the world...
I can't be a "-person" i want to be a "+person", my parents didn't waste their lives on me so I could waste my life...you get it!:)
If you do continue this method please keep us all informed!
Your sense of urgency is fantastic. You are most likely reacting to time lost. So now, slow down just a bit and know that this practice is that of a lifetime of new beginnings (as opposed to becomings, to concur with the earlier reply!)
Try the meditation described in this series of podcasts. The classic remedy for addiction is joy, and that is a joy meditation. You can do it as much as you want, too. I was doing it eight hours a day, at one point. But, make sure you know why you'redoing it. The practices you're describing sound like a form of self-punishment. At any rate, they are clearly punishing, in the sense of causing you distress, and as such constitute an inherently unstable way of life. If you want to "totally transform" yourself, it's helpful to realize that in fact a total transformation occurs in every moment. Meditation practice will teach you how this works.
Also, get some support. A twelve-step program is going to help a whole lot more than a meditation practice. (But, there is no dichotomy, there. Both together will be much more helpful than one or the other by itself.)
Go for it!
(Be neither the hare nor the tortoise.)
Our spiritual life starts with our body, moves to our livelihood, then to our general actions, then to our relationships, then to our mind and then to the end of becoming. Alot of becoming is required before the end of becoming.
There was once a famous teacher named Bhikkhu Buddhadasa, who was in palliative care for the last 18 months of his life. On the few occassions he spoke before his death, he gave the same speech about Dhamma practise.
Bhikkhu Buddhadasa's parting words were Dhamma is four kinds of correctness (samma):
1. Bodily correctness.
2. Social correctness.
3. Mental correctness.
4. Correctness according to Emptiness.
So to conquer drugs or alcohol is part of getting our body right, healthy and something that satisfies us.
I remember Buddha trained in these things to the point of near death..
I will learn from his example but follow in his footsteps
Including 'Moderation'' ".
Running til you become ill means you are running until you are dehydrated. Are your muscles sore also? Make sure to replace what your losing. I tried walking in the middle of July 8 miles with no water or hydration. Luckily, a friend picked me up 2 miles before the end as he could see I was dragging. Using common sense is also allowed in whatever you do. Again, check what your reasoning is. I wanted to be the best man possible at 20. At 44, I still haven't acheived it, but I allow myself to try every day. Works best in the long run.
By the way, staring at a clock for one hour!?!? Think about trying some other form of mindfulness next time.
I need to go overboard so regular stuff won't scare me anymore,
the 1 hour thing, is training so I can work long hours at a job or concentrate on things unwaveringly..and endure whatever i'm going to have to in the shit-storm that's coming my way...
the physical training is so I can get healthier, and more confident.
I'm going to do some more mental training too.
The bottom line is I'm too soft and useless right now. This is the medicine I need to take
Hey, why don't you try out for that show "Mantracker"? I would love to see you on there. That guy will put you through your paces in 36 hours! Let me know what you think about going through the bushes for a day and a half with a buddy. I can't do it because I'm old, fat, and a broken back to boot. But I'm sure you can find someone to go with you. It's only done in pairs. I will even root for you. Just PM me to let me know when you will do it.
These kinds of feelings come up a lot for me, too. The irony is, it's the sense that I'm too soft and useless which holds me back from doing anything useful. Self-hostility is paralyzing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you talked to a therapist about your feelings towards yourself?
xangira
:rolleyes:
1 hour meditation?
Is that the longest you have ever done?
You meditate once a day for 15 min?
Or 15 min twice a day?
2 years ago.
I would imagine TheFound has probably forgotten all about it and moved on to diff'rent strokes.
I can assure you, I'm almost completely certain this methodology got nowhere.