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'Helping' the Homeless
Hi,
I'm in NYC where there are, of course, many homeless people, which saddens me for many reasons. Though I would love to help them, I feel conflicted about doing so.
They always ask for money, and I have in the past given food, but it is common knowledge to mostly ignore those asking because it's likely the money will be used for drugs.
I obviously don't want to indirectly support their drug habit, as that would essentially hurt them instead of help. I don't always have food to offer, and feel like they'd reject it anyway...
Instinctively ignoring their pleas, though, makes me feel like I'm choosing not to help, which maybe I can't...even if I were to carry around spare food to offer I don't feel it would be...enough? (can't think of the word). I always offer a smile, but even that feels...hypocritical? (also probably the wrong word)...since I can't/don't much more.
What do you make of this inevitable situation? Thanks
-Mel
I'm in NYC where there are, of course, many homeless people, which saddens me for many reasons. Though I would love to help them, I feel conflicted about doing so.
They always ask for money, and I have in the past given food, but it is common knowledge to mostly ignore those asking because it's likely the money will be used for drugs.
I obviously don't want to indirectly support their drug habit, as that would essentially hurt them instead of help. I don't always have food to offer, and feel like they'd reject it anyway...
Instinctively ignoring their pleas, though, makes me feel like I'm choosing not to help, which maybe I can't...even if I were to carry around spare food to offer I don't feel it would be...enough? (can't think of the word). I always offer a smile, but even that feels...hypocritical? (also probably the wrong word)...since I can't/don't much more.
What do you make of this inevitable situation? Thanks
-Mel
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Comments
Reminds me of an amusing story if you'll indulge me, though. At dusk on the last day of a 2-week trip to England, my friends and I (about a dozen of us) were walking down the street of the small town we were staying in when we saw a homeless person. Since we were going home first thing in the morning, most of them emptied all the coins they had into his hat (which is quite significant because they have 1 and 2-pound coins over there, not just fractions of a dollar like us Yanks have). I'd guess they left the astonished fellow with well over 50 pounds all told, possibly as much as 100!
And yes, I do help people through multiple organizations, but I still don't feel right 'ignoring' the ones I see here on a daily basis... :-\ I guess there's nothing really I can do and this was kind of a dead-end question, just something that bothers me...
Well thanks!
Above all, I would want to be noticed. Living as I do on a reduced state pension, I have very little spoare money but I do always stop and talk to anyone I see, such as Big Issue sellers (for non-Brits: a magazine sold by homeless people).
Mother Teresa used to say that being ignored was among the most painful aspects of the lives of the women she worked with. What is more, I have learned all sorts of things by having random conversations with people from all over the world who have come to the UK to experience homelessness (it may not have been their intention but it is the outcome).
Mel,
My comments were not intended as any sort of criticism. I imagine that, living in New York, you are surrounded by far more hoimeless people than am I. Each one whom you greet will have received a blessing.
Thinking about this stuff enough sometimes makes me cry. What can be said about that, in terms of Buddhism...is it me suffering because I 'want' to help them but can't? or...?
Hm, I want to do something that really helps. Start something where I collect food and clothes and books and walk around giving them to people. But the food will be healthy, the clothes practical (maybe I can even alter them to make sure they're fashionable for girls, and appropriate for work, since fashion is one of my interests!) and the books would be helpful. I could also give blank journals, and information about free things in the city so people can get back on their feet by doing what they like. Hmm...considering I'm 19 and trying to help myself feel better, I have a long ways to go...ooh, I'll call it 'Bringing it All Back Home' after the Dylan album! ...well that was quite a tangent...
Great ambition! Hold on to it. Don't let anyone discourage you (the reality of the unending problem will be discouraging enough).
I'm sure that, in NY, there are 'hands on' organisations. In London, I went on soup runs with St Mungo's Trust. Go to your poorest neighbourhoods (keeping yourself ssafe) and ask around, then volunteer. It's a start and has the advantage of humility rather than doing your own thing.
May angels watch you.
I've participated in different helpful organizations around the world, and will continue to do so, but after seeing so much in my own neighborhood I find that there are so many more people that can't/don't even ask join the organizations, etc, and I know that many organizations don't even have resources to help all the people that do ask for it, so that's why I think walking around to do it first hand would be addressing those who are less likely to get help through an organization, if I explained that right...
Also, you mean that joining something shows more humility than starting something? I guess I understand..
I went from wanting to help everyone to reminding myself how I always thought there is no such thing as a selfless act. I believe everyone does things for their own benefit, and if it's for someone else's benefit and hurts the do-er on the outside, it is essentially satisfying them on the inside. This hurts to think about because my family always did a lot for people anonymously, and it makes me think that inside it's just selfish...
I read about intention of something, how it affects others, and how it affects you. So if I want to help all these people and am sad to see them how they are, is it really because I care about them, or care about making myself feel better? Even if it helps both of us, the intention part is...I don't know.
There are so many people I 'WANT' to help - even though 'wanting' is a bad thing to do. There are also many things I 'want' to do with my life - is that all selfish? Yes, I'm working on detaching from these desires and realize I can't achieve everything. But some people certainly make think I can.
Sometimes I just 'want' to move to the beach and live a life detached of everything...but then isn't that just selfish desire, feeding an attachment to the beach and freedom? I have been seriously close to doing that, but my life (I know you all don't know much about me, not sure how to put it in few words so I'll just avoid going there...) ...my life and plans and things don't allow it. And aren't all who practice Buddhism essentially just 'wanting' to achieve enlightenment and gain wisdom - is that okay to 'want'? I mean, I practice it because it makes sense...but if that is the essential goal...
I don't really know where I'm going with this anymore, I have a whole lot of conflicting thoughts that have always been there but never resolved, so I thought maybe some of you had some ideas. But to come back to the topic of this thread...I can't help everyone...and now I feel like if I did try to make a big effort to help this situation it would essentially be selfish, even if I did it all anonymously, it would be selfish to make myself feel better...ahhhhhhh
Palzang
Palzang
http://www.katinkahesselink.net/tibet/bodhisatva.htm
That doesn't really answer my question, though.
The Buddha taught that suffering is inevitable, but there is one way out of suffering, and that is enlightenment.
In the Mahayana tradition, you vow to keep on rebirthing after you have obtained enlightenment so that you can help others attain enlightenement, which is the only thing that will really ease their suffering. And you vow to do this until all sentient beings have attained enlightenment ... wow, that sure is a long time!
1. I believe that the greatest obstacle was being looked at as if any help I was asking for was just me wanting some thing for nothing. I worked hard to get myself out of the circumstances I was in, but, it was made more difficult because everyone that you interacted with for help looked at you with a side glance, making you feel like you were either an inconvenience or trying to take advantage of them.
2. Don't get me wrong, I understand why this was happening. There are those on the street that will con you, lie to you, to get what they want. They will play on your heart strings for their money to get drugs or Alcohol.
Then there are those who ask for money because it is their profession.
For instance, a recent news story tells of Jason Pancoast and Elizabeth Johnson, self-described "affluent beggars" from Ashland, Oregon. The couple estimates they can make $30-40,000 per year from panhandling. They boast earnings as high as $300 per day, and assert they once made $800 in one day. Similarly, a former Denver City Council president claimed to know panhandlers who made hundreds of dollars per week, or even per day. City Councilwoman Elbra Wedgeworth said, "I know some people are making $150 to $300 or $400 a day. There are some people who are in desperate situations but many who are panhandling for a living.
All this being said. I give when I can. Why? Because I can and if they are trying to con me, lie to me or what ever I consider this to be their karmic actions they have to work with. It is not my place to judge them.
The Dali-Lama said that it is our Job to teach people how to be more loving and compassionate. How can we ever hope to teach them if we ourselves are not.
They operated from their own home and others volunteered to help with donations or making the sandwiches and soup,or taking them out with the van. As there were no money exchanges taking place, those who really needed food and a hot drink were getting it.
They continued doing this for several years until eventually they had to move out of the city for economic reasons and age-related health issues.
.
In one of your posts you ask,
There is a pretty simple answer to the question of desire and if it's bad. The answer is; not all desire is bad. You don't have to detach from all desires. Some desires are good and helpful, like the desire to attain enlightenment. Some desires are not helpful and lead to suffering like the desire to eat an entire chocolate cake or the desire to run away from our negative feelings.
The way we learn to discern helpful desire from harmful desire is to see the results of each for ourselves. The desire to achieve enlightenment, for example, results in motivation to study and practice the Buddhadhamma. That is a good thing. The desire to eat an entire chocolate cake results in a possible stomach ache or worse, the gaining of weight from consuming so many empty calories, a spike followed by a crash in ones blood sugar, etc. etc. Those are bad things.
Whenever I start to ponder questions like the ones you're asking in this thread I remind myself that Buddhism is called The Middle Way for a reason. It's about skillful thoughts and actions and these usually reside somewhere in the middle of things rather than at either extremes. I tend to want to see things as black or white so I'm always reminding myself that there is no black or white, only shades of gray and this reminds me to look at things from as many perspectives as I can. I still have a lot of work to do in this regard but I'm getting there, slowly and steadily.
Regarding your concern that all acts of charity are fundamentally selfish, I get what you're saying. I think you had something there when you mentioned providing help for those in need anonymously. I don't believe the desire to make someone else's life a little easier and more pleasurable is a selfish desire. I think it's a compassionate desire. Finding a way to anonymously help someone in need is a good way to further develop one's compassionate thoughts and actions while removing the part of one's ego that craves attention and applause.
Just stay in the middle as much as possible and you can't go far wrong.
P.S. I've chosen a couple of your photos and I'll PM you this week.
I help where I can. Sometimes I am deceived. But that can't be helped. As satisfaction is derived its not a very pure act.
grackle
Many years ago, I myself, like WRBERGMAN (above) ended up homeless for a while due to unfortunate circumstances. I had done nothing wrong, i basically had nowhere to live and no family to help me.
I ended up on the streets for a couple of weeks. The longest couple of weeks of my life.
I didn't beg, i knew it wouldn't get me anywhere. I ended up shoplifting food.
Of course, not every homeless person wants the money for drugs or drink. Some are genuine. How do you tell? I don't know.
Personally, you just had to look at the fear in my eyes. But i expect that is not always the case.
All you can do is spare a bit of change if you have it, and hope its not been mis-used.
I tell you this though, if they are genuine, they really do need it. I never want to be there again.
There is no way that your wanting to help those people is in any way bad or selfish. Its human.
Stay well,
Kate
Before I became a Buddhist I would inconsistently give small change but walk by many times.
In Scotland there isn't really many homeless people in comparison to the US and ther countries. I would now feel good about helping although I would rather give food to sustain life than give money that could be used for drugs that potentially end life.
with metta, Steve
Theres no ego or anything like that attached to helping anybody.
And its sad that people would not help someone homeless just in case it was used for drugs or drink. If it was used for that and thier life ended, thats not your doing, its thier own doing.
But believe me, not all homeless people are drunks or on drugs. Sometimes, you've just got no home.
Having a home is so taken for granted by people who have one.
If you havent got one, suddenly the world becomes terrifying.
Think about it, your not safe, your not warm, AND your on the street, being looked down on by people who have homes. They assume your a drunk or a druggie. Great huh? You gotta think how the innocent ones in this feel.
I dare any of you with a home to go sleep in a doorway for a few nights.
That would make you spare a few coins. . . . just in case.
My mom would always go to the store and bring them some food instead. Or even take them to the store and let them pick out what they wanted.
Problem solved. :]
If you've not time, I would hope you'd give them a few bucks to buy themself a lunch whether or not you KNOW that's what they're spending it on, because, to be honest, $5 isn't going to get you far when it comes to drugs. ;]
Question: what would be "enough"?
No, you can't solve world hunger and poverty, but it's all of the smallest, seemingly insignificant gestures that ultimately do create a larger change. For that person who would have gone without a meal that day, that small gesture on your part has an enormous impact. Even a smile, or saying "hello," is beyond what most people would do... being treated like a human and being shown kindness and compassion is more significant than you realize. Whatever you're able to offer is significant.
So I had to leave it. I can't give him money everyday. I can't help him. I am not (yet) qualified to counsel.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
I guess that's what this is.
Palzang
Doesn't having no fixed address kinda go along with being homeless?:scratch: