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hi im new here
there might be an "introduce yourself" bit somewhere but i am just getting used to the site at the minute and couldnt see one?
anyway. i am 26. i have 2 children who are 6 and 4. i dont really know where to start but here goes - my husband died in terrible circumstances when i was pregnant with our 2nd child. ive not been "right" since. i am now going through another rubbish patch with my current relationship and dont even know if it is on or off right now :-( i am plagued with anxiety on a constant basis. worrying about the children, my health etc. i have a knot of fear in my tummy and just feel sick with concern most of the time. i dont know where to turn. i want to be here for my children to make them happy but ive got so much inner turmoil eating me up. i had 2.5 years of therapy which helped to a certain extent but tbh i dont think it even scratched the surface. i also have major issues with feeling "detatched" which really freaks me out and i dont like it
i feel drawn to buddhism but i dont know where to start. eveywhere you look are different books people are telling you to read or websites to look at and i feel really overwhelmed by it all. but i have to do something because i cant carry on with the way i am feeling right now
sorry for the depressing intro. hope you are all well x
anyway. i am 26. i have 2 children who are 6 and 4. i dont really know where to start but here goes - my husband died in terrible circumstances when i was pregnant with our 2nd child. ive not been "right" since. i am now going through another rubbish patch with my current relationship and dont even know if it is on or off right now :-( i am plagued with anxiety on a constant basis. worrying about the children, my health etc. i have a knot of fear in my tummy and just feel sick with concern most of the time. i dont know where to turn. i want to be here for my children to make them happy but ive got so much inner turmoil eating me up. i had 2.5 years of therapy which helped to a certain extent but tbh i dont think it even scratched the surface. i also have major issues with feeling "detatched" which really freaks me out and i dont like it
i feel drawn to buddhism but i dont know where to start. eveywhere you look are different books people are telling you to read or websites to look at and i feel really overwhelmed by it all. but i have to do something because i cant carry on with the way i am feeling right now
sorry for the depressing intro. hope you are all well x
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Comments
Welcome Clairebear82, this is a great site, i havent been here very long but already it has helped me with some of my problems. Im sure Buddhism may be able to help you to, the best thing is just to ask because everyone is very willing to help
Oh and just look around and you will find some great intro threads to Buddhism.
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It sounds like you'd like some help with using Buddhist techniques to cope with the stress you're experiencing. Have you experimented with meditation at all?
i am bit scared to go to the buddhist centre here but im trying to work myself upto it!
ive done a bit of meditating but i dont feel i really know what im doing x
~nomad
What's going on with the meditation, that you feel like you don't know what you're doing?
It is the hardest thing you will do in a day, and the most rewarding - if you stick with it.
Sit, eyes closed. Concentrate on a point between your eyebrows. Let go of your thoughts/worries. Watch (but don't control) the breath. When you think of something, don't scold yourself. Just let the thought go and re-concentrate. (And when you think of something else 2 seconds later, let that go too!) Start with 5 minutes twice a day. Set an alarm so you don't look at the clock.
It's not about distracting yourself. It's about developing your concentration - flexing it like a muscle.
Clairebear, life sounds really sh*tty at the moment. My heart goes out to you and to your children. Of course, it would be easy to make suggestions and to give advice: have you been to your doctor? Have you been to CRUSE? The truth is that mourning is a long and painful process, particularly when we have lost a life partner. Bringing up children at the same time makes it even harder (my own last son was 9 when my wife died 10 years ago). My sanity was saved by friends, a couple of very supportive groups and a bookl by C. S. Lewis about his own bereavement, A Grief Observed.
I should like, with your permission, to add you and your kids to my morning 'remembrance' list.
NEWS FLASH: You are eligible for liberation... :eek:
Welcome to the site. Seriously.
Please know, okay, that we would like to help you out as much as it takes.
You, with your problems are welcome here.
Post any of your worries, concerns or questions on this site..
Where we will work on them , like solving a riddle, together..
Don't be shy. Buddhism and liberation from suffering is meant to be shared with everyone..
There are a lot of wise people here, lots of years of experience between all of us, and in my opinion this can be just as good - if not better, than regular therapy. (Free too!)
Get posting or msg me anytime, I hope to hear from you
Peace
I am a learner here too, and i hope throwing in a suggestion that helped me isn't gonna just add to the confusion of many suggestions given to you Clairbear.
I expect caring people will share what helped them and why and you can maybe pick and choose what you feel 'drawn to'- each person has different needs and needs to make their own way:buck:. My suggested book has been useful to me because it comes from a scientific standpoint -which is reassuring for a western starter, and acts as an introduction to meditation that i have found very usable. It's strengths seem to be its inclusiveness, emphasis on practice first over theory, and emphasis on illness and stress which fits me. If that sounds like you great, otherwise you'll find something else that suits I'm sure. I'm hoping to get lots of suggestions from more experienced contributers to the forum myself! Peace out.
thank you for the really warm welcome! i am still getting used to the site so any tips are welcome!
i will summon up the courage to take myself to a centre, one of them here has a coffee shop so i might break myself in that way!
blueface, welcome to you too. i am open to any suggestions so thanks for the book one i will take a look
TheFound, what a lovely welcome! thank you very much x
fivebells and simon - the thing with my husband was about 5 years ago now (i was only 22) i went to the dr at the time had therapy etc. Simon sorry about your wife. we would love to be added to your list
x
I live in the UK too !
There's a series of Buddhist meditation instructions on YouTube which are very good. Here's the first one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd7a9Ur2x0o
Kind regards,
Dazzle
Does that make any sense?
How well you ... and all of us, for that matter ... know that life can be very hard. So sorry to read of your loss and struggles.
Buddhism, applied as directed, is a marvelous antidote for our sorrows. A teacher is worth a thousand rebirths. The dharma, taken internally, will totally change how you respond to everything.
I recommend anything by Pema Chodron. She's a Westerner and much of what she says bridges the gap between Buddhism-for-Easterners and sound cognitive-behavioral psychology. My sister used her teachings to turn her previously-intolerable life into one of laughter, compassion, and courage ... even though she has her own primary guru/teacher in a different Buddhist lineage.
So good luck to you, my dear. Your searchings will bring you the perfect teachings. Keep on looking until you find them!
Such bleak periods in our lives are actually blessings, a chance to really examine our lives and change for the better. When things are going along with no problems we have no incentive to change, but when things fall apart we have lots of incentive (as you already know). Meditation can help you get the space in your mind to let you see this simple truth, but 5Bells is right, you'd benefit by going to a center (or centre, or however you guys spell it!).
But also know that there are lots of people here who care about you and are pulling for you, and, I might add, praying for you. I'll add you to our prayer book at our temple as well. You may not think so, but prayer does help. A lot. And instead of feeling like sitting around doing nothing (i.e. meditating) is the LAST thing you need to be doing, I would like to gently suggest that it is the FIRST thing you need to be doing! After taking care of the kids, of course
Please stay in touch and let us know how things are going.
Palzang
x
Palzang