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Ambition
Here's something that's happening in my thought process lately 
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I've spent the last five years traveling, "living my youth", and have recently come back to my home country. I'm at a point in life where-- there it is again, that "what next." I have a lot of ideas of what I could do, yet my motivation levels for earning money, a degree, or even job searching seems somewhat pointless. Although I feel like this is what I should be doing as I skipped out on college and I'm anticipating earning money to possibly live off my own land or set up some career to come back to when I travel or pursue volunteer work. I don't have the drive for competition in school or in taking jobs. I feel like when I go to interviews I'm taking away from someone who actually wants the job I'm applying for and I'm just doing it because I feel that's what I should be doing. I spent the last few months of my travels abroad at a Mahayana Buddhist center where I worked a lot on the effects of the ego. It was a great experience but I think I've pacified myself to the point I am at now. I'm stuck in this strange state of humility and not wanting too much for myself because of selfish intentions (seemingly)-- my mind is telling me to prepare and pursue, but my heart is lacking the motivation to do it. Has anyone else had a similar experience and found a way out of it--possibly by going further in. Anything would be appreciated! Speak freely.
.I've spent the last five years traveling, "living my youth", and have recently come back to my home country. I'm at a point in life where-- there it is again, that "what next." I have a lot of ideas of what I could do, yet my motivation levels for earning money, a degree, or even job searching seems somewhat pointless. Although I feel like this is what I should be doing as I skipped out on college and I'm anticipating earning money to possibly live off my own land or set up some career to come back to when I travel or pursue volunteer work. I don't have the drive for competition in school or in taking jobs. I feel like when I go to interviews I'm taking away from someone who actually wants the job I'm applying for and I'm just doing it because I feel that's what I should be doing. I spent the last few months of my travels abroad at a Mahayana Buddhist center where I worked a lot on the effects of the ego. It was a great experience but I think I've pacified myself to the point I am at now. I'm stuck in this strange state of humility and not wanting too much for myself because of selfish intentions (seemingly)-- my mind is telling me to prepare and pursue, but my heart is lacking the motivation to do it. Has anyone else had a similar experience and found a way out of it--possibly by going further in. Anything would be appreciated! Speak freely.
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Comments
That is so common. Many people have a hard time choosing what to do with their lives. Even the very very few that just know "they want to be doctors when they grow up" sometimes have doubts when they actually put the whole ideal in practice (they discover its much harder and less of a big deal then they expected, for example).
Most people don't work because they have a 'calling' to be this or that (life wouldn't be so easy), they just have to to survive. The only solution to that dilemma is discipline. In the truth we all will have doubts, fears, and what not, but we can't be governed by them. We have to find a commitment between doing what we must, and doing what we want.
I know just saying this means nothing. Putting it to practice is very hard, but learning the balance between work and play is part of growing up.