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Venting on a suckish night.
Okay. This isn't exactly a topic. More of a vent session. But, when you have no where else to vent, gotta go somewhere. So, here's the vent. I love my brother to death, he's my bro and everything, but good god, I hate it when he visits. He's here 5 minutes, and all he does is start in on me. Accusing me of being a deadbeat dad to a non existent baby (psycho ex-girlfriend.... long story), no job (even though I'm leaving in 3 weeks. Yeah, that makes sense). Telling me I need to get off my ass and do something, because I'm not a big macho Marine like him, telling me I won't make it in boot camp this time either (medical issues the first time), and just every little thing he could rag me for. Every way I'm not as good as him. The people that I normally talk with and have fun with, he hijacks that too, saying I'm dull and boring, calls me gay because I enjoy baking, and because I don't sleep with random women 5 nights a week like him. I love him to death, but holy christ I want to kill him when he visits.
Okay. Vent done. And no better. Aint that some crap?
Okay. Vent done. And no better. Aint that some crap?
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Something I used to do when someone was bothering me, or "irritated" me I did something very similar to what you've done here. I used to write them a letter, expressing everything I felt about what they were doing and how it made me feel. I never actually gave them the letter, more often than not I burnt it. But I felt better afterward and it was as if a weight was taken off and somehow I was able to face them without feeling the irritation.
Sorry, you're gonna have to break that one down barney style for me. I'm real real new to the buddhist school of though.
Most people love their families and are indebted to their families in many ways.
However, the ways of relating and behaving in many families are unhealthy and even harmful.
When we are young and start to think for ourselves and question, if we are wise, we begin to takes steps towards self-determination.
Unfortunately for many of us, this is a necessary path in life we must take because our family is not equipped to provide for us all of our human needs.
As an example, you have come here to this chatsite and talked openly about your life. This is a positive step.
You air the behaviours & values you disapprove of regarding your brother which means the contrary are the values you idealise inside. This is your natural wisdom.
As such, one's path of development is to actualise one's values and live by them.
For example, when my mother comes to visit me, she is advised frankly, clearly and often certain behaviours of hers are not tolerated in my home.
This is both honest communication & self-respect. This each of us must learn to develop. Note: It is a path of learning.
The Buddha said family life requires four skills: (1) honesty; frankness; (2) training; self-improvement; (3) patience; endurance; and (4) generosity; sacrifice.
So, in your case, your natural intelligence and spiritually aspires to a quality of life & relationships better than your parents & family have provided. This is normal, natural & praiseworthy. This is evolution.
The Buddha said regarding children & parents, there are three kinds: (1) children who are less wise & ethical than their parents; (2) children who have the same wisdom & ethics as their parents; and (3) children who are more wise & ethical than their parents.
The impression gained is you are the later kind. Life is evolution, learning from our parents mistakes and shortcomings (as well as from their good qualities).
Kind regards
DDhatu