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2 Issues
I'd like to address 2 issues:
[1] I just sat for 15 minutes...and basically mind chattered for 13 of them! Not literally of course, I didn't time this, but it was like, what's the point!? I know we just 'take it back to the breath no matter what or how many times we wander', but I was wondering if any others experience this? It isn't every time, but really, 95% of my sitting meditation was just bonkers.
Second and more serious issue.
[2] I'm starting to lose my faith and belief in almost everything. But this is coming from just sitting mediation. I mean, I know about the Noble 8 Fold Path, and in trying to be a kind loving person in general, I tend to live the path (badly!) by default. I mean I don't drink, smoke, eat meat very very sparingly, I don't swear, I try to be thoughtful and loving to all, live a clean life, I hate nobody, you know, usual stuff.
But whilst sitting this morning (ironically during my 13 minute mind chattering session!) I realised the almost laughable siutation of what I think I believe to be true. God? Astrology? Paganism? Illuminati? Aliens? I was like...hang on, do I really believe all this?
I came to the realisation (not saying this is what I hold to now, not saying this is what I do believe) that there is nothing out there. Nothing at all. No God, Aliens, Astrology, Illuminati, paganism, witchcraft, magic, no religion. There's just us and death. Life and death. And maybe...just maybe...some kind of continuation/afterlife etc which I would attribute to Buddah's teachings.
Any thoughts? Any would be appreciated.
(Also posted on www.dhammawheel.com)
[1] I just sat for 15 minutes...and basically mind chattered for 13 of them! Not literally of course, I didn't time this, but it was like, what's the point!? I know we just 'take it back to the breath no matter what or how many times we wander', but I was wondering if any others experience this? It isn't every time, but really, 95% of my sitting meditation was just bonkers.
Second and more serious issue.
[2] I'm starting to lose my faith and belief in almost everything. But this is coming from just sitting mediation. I mean, I know about the Noble 8 Fold Path, and in trying to be a kind loving person in general, I tend to live the path (badly!) by default. I mean I don't drink, smoke, eat meat very very sparingly, I don't swear, I try to be thoughtful and loving to all, live a clean life, I hate nobody, you know, usual stuff.
But whilst sitting this morning (ironically during my 13 minute mind chattering session!) I realised the almost laughable siutation of what I think I believe to be true. God? Astrology? Paganism? Illuminati? Aliens? I was like...hang on, do I really believe all this?
I came to the realisation (not saying this is what I hold to now, not saying this is what I do believe) that there is nothing out there. Nothing at all. No God, Aliens, Astrology, Illuminati, paganism, witchcraft, magic, no religion. There's just us and death. Life and death. And maybe...just maybe...some kind of continuation/afterlife etc which I would attribute to Buddah's teachings.
Any thoughts? Any would be appreciated.
(Also posted on www.dhammawheel.com)
0
Comments
2. You seem to have destroyed specific ideas you have about what's going on in 'the universe' which is also a construct. But then surely you're left wondering what's really out there.
I mean come on, you'd have to be extremely bright to unravel the mysteries that lie beyond this planet. I don't know about you, but I don't even know enough about this one.
Perhaps you're projecting things too far forward, when you should be paying more attention here and now. These issues mean more than you realize.
(2) Sometimes it is helpful to step back from what you believe and just live for a while. Don't try to sort everything out at one time. Just live life be who you are and everything else will eventually fall into place.
Hope that helped.
Palzang
My sessions are just like yours. Sometimes there's more clutter and chatter, sometimes there's more stillness and and silence. It's all part of the journey though, no session is better or worse than the other. Without those cluttered and busy thoughts the brief moments of silence would be pointless.
I find that when I begin FIGHTING back into the silence, though, that's it's time to stop and come back another time.
If you find yourself only fighting, maybe another form of meditation would be better for your right now.
I know it sounds silly and indeed it only came from a Buddhist book for teens... it was the first book I read when I was about 13... but there was still this one meditation that was so completely different from anything else. The meditation... of making a sandwich. Heh. :]
Ok, so it's just Mindfullness Meditation in the form of making your lunch, but really? Who can't do that. It's not a chore. When meditation becomes a chore then it's missing the point. Find something that works well for you right now and perhaps come back to this form at a later date. :]
Both 1) and 2) sound NFH (normal for humans) to me. Where's the problem? Only, I guess, that you feel uncomfortable and unsatisfied: welcome to the First Noble Truth.
as others have said, this is normal. Mind training is like any other training, like learning to play the piano. It takes a lot of practice to get good at it and even then you will have good days and bad days.
sounds like you are on the right track. You've made a pretty comprehensive list of the shadow puppets people use to give themselves the illusion of certainty and safety. Eventually you do want to get to the point of understanding there is no us and no death, but for now shedding the usual sky-hooks is a step in the right direction.
Gosh, you didn't read a book until you were 13?! :eek: (I assume you mean a book on Buddhism - just being a wiseass)
Meditation requires discipline in that you can't just do it for a while and then give up, thinking you haven't accomplished anything. Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. Just doing it at all is an accomplishment. Be patient and stick to it is my advice. Don't expect to accomplish anything fast. Don't bring any expectations to it at all, in fact. Just do it, as Nike says.
Palzang
Encouraging and insightful
Peace and thanks