Compassion

NamelessRiver

Does anybody else here feels stuck while developing compassion? I'll tell you guys, when I try to do loving-kindness meditation it's like I am a TV turned off trying to broadcast a channel.

I can relate to the idea that I am no better than other people and that on a certain level we are all 'branches of the same tree', that we are connected to each other and so on. But quite frankly I usually have a rather carefree approach to my own suffering, or maybe I just don't suffer very much so I can't relate to the real extent of what suffering really conveys.

It's like all I have experimented is a trip on a stone, that you simply pick yourself up and go, no biggie. So my idea of suffering might not be very complete, and forcing myself to imagine horrible situations just seem artificial.

Any thoughts on this?

DhammaDhatu

Hi

One perspective I may offer is compassion is somewhat over-rated.

This is because it is really up to others (who are suffering or have a problem) to engage our compassion.

I am sure if you were in a position to help someone, you would.

Apart from that, there is not much we can do with our compassion.

Kind regards

DDhatu

shenpennangwa

NamelessRiver wrote: »

Does anybody else here feels stuck while developing compassion? I'll tell you guys, when I try to do loving-kindness meditation it's like I am a TV turned off trying to broadcast a channel.

I can relate to the idea that I am no better than other people and that on a certain level we are all 'branches of the same tree', that we are connected to each other and so on. But quite frankly I usually have a rather carefree approach to my own suffering, or maybe I just don't suffer very much so I can't relate to the real extent of what suffering really conveys.

It's like all I have experimented is a trip on a stone, that you simply pick yourself up and go, no biggie. So my idea of suffering might not be very complete, and forcing myself to imagine horrible situations just seem artificial.

Any thoughts on this?

volunteer at a hospice.
i bet you wont have any doubts about the suffering of others in samsara after your first day.

jinzang

Yes, you are going to feel stuck, because your egotism gets in the way. When that happens, continue to contemplate the four limitless qualities, but look at your mind to see what's blocking your compassion. Not in a judgmental way, but in an inquisitive way.

Palzang

Also try to keep it in perspective. How long have you not been practicing compassion? It takes time. Be patient with yourself.

Palzang

fivebells

Have you tried tonglen? Tried cultivating compassion for a lack of sensitivity to compassion?

QueSeraSera

It sounds like you're suggesting that because you do not suffer much you struggle to understand suffering. If you don't do this already, perhaps it would be helpful for you to volunteer some of your time with people who are suffering a great deal, such as the homeless or children in foster care? That can help put things in perspective for some people, and it cultivates good karma, too. Double win!

NamelessRiver

Thank you for the responses guys.

Have you tried tonglen? Tried cultivating compassion for a lack of sensitivity to compassion?

I have read about it somewhere, I think it was on that Tibetan Book of Living and Dying but I am not sure, it has been a few years :buck: but I'll take a second look.

NamelessRiver

OK I made some progress but not in a very nice way :-/

I wasn't making much progress because I was confusing cultivation of metta and cultivation of karuna. After I came across some information on how to cultivate karuna (compassion) the thing start flowing but maybe not in the right way, as I cry when I try it, so it kind of bothers me :-/

I start with people that are actually suffering, so I think of my mother (she died of cancer) and that's enough to get me teary, then I think of another person in my family who is going through cancer right now, and her daughers are 1 and 2 years old and her tumor is in the brain and she has metastasis :-/

Then you are supposed to think of people who are happy but through immoral means, so I think of another person that I know of who is a lawyer and does all kind of things to get money (bribery, trickery, deceit and so on) but he is generating bad karma that is going to bite him in the future, and in a more concrete way his drive to get money by any means and his need for ostentation are also linked to a bad history with his father, so its like he is trying to heal his wounds as a young kid, orphan of a live father, by covering it with money but it obviously doesnt work :-/ And if you think about there is still this small kid inside of him crying for his father but actually can't do anything :-/

And then I think about some problems people of this forum tell sometimes and I go like "oh man, them too".

And there is this dude that pisses me off with his drums and then I think about him at this point when I am like melting inside and I go like "that is his way of coping too" and I stop being angry but it sucks to focus on suffering :-/

I find it harder to do loving-kindness meditation. What is supposed to be loving-kindness or metta anyways? I get you are supposed to wish other people are happy, but comparing it to karuna is like comparing a half empity glass (karuna, with suffering as a focal point) to a half full glass (metta, with happiness as focal point). I guess I am not much of a ray of sunshine then :rolleyes:

NamelessRiver

Oh I understood what bugs me about loving-kindness. It's the phrases normally used:

May I be free from physical suffering;
May I be free from mental suffering.
(These two might as well already include being free from enmity and danger).

In the back of my mind I think about dependent arising: suffering is the supporting condition for faith, faith is the supporting condition for joy, joy is the supporting condition for rapture, rapture is the supporting condition for tranquillity, tranquillity is the supporting condition for happiness, happiness is the supporting condition for concentration, concentration is the supporting condition for the knowledge and vision of things as they really are, the knowledge and vision of things as they really are is the supporting condition for disenchantment, disenchantment is the supporting condition for dispassion, dispassion is the supporting condition for emancipation, and emancipation is the supporting condition for the knowledge of the destruction (of the cankers).

Without suffering there can't be emancipation. If I had to wish something thoughtfully to other beings it would be:

I. May all beings never loose the light of the three gems;
II. May their conditions always allow them to move forward in their path to enlightenment;
III. May all beings reach Nirvana;
IV. May they do so as soon as possible.

That rings more true to me :-\

fivebells

NamelessRiver wrote: »

After I came across some information on how to cultivate karuna (compassion) the thing start flowing but maybe not in the right way, as I cry when I try it, so it kind of bothers me :-/

That's perfect, Nameless! Keep it up!

A Tibetan master had three principal students who were important teachers themselves. One day, he asked an attendant what each of them was doing. The attendant replied that one of them was supervising the building of a temple.

"Good," said the master, "and what about the second?"

"He's teaching a group of students," was the reply.

"Good," said the master, "and what about the third?"

"I'm not sure what he's doing. He's sitting in the corner of his room, facing the wall with a cloth wrapped around his head, crying his eyes out," said the attendant.

The master turned in the direction the attendant indicated and put his hands together in a gesture of respect. "I pay homage to those who cultivate compassion," he said as he bowed deeply.

If you lack experience with any of the other immeasurables, however, I recommend that you start with one of the others. According to my teacher, it's for good reason that none of the classic series for cultivating the immeasurables start with compassion. (He taught a class on the four immeasurables a few years ago, and put recordings of it online, which I got a lot out of.)

Also, it's pretty hard to get far with this work, unless you can talk to a teacher at least occasionally, and listen to him when he points out what you're ignoring. (Your aversion to the crying from the compassion meditation, and suspicion that you might be doing it wrong, is an example of what might go wrong. And no, internet advice doesn't count. )

blueartist7

I'm just a beginner here and my compassion level is not yet very deep either, but I've read that several teachers recommend beginning a lovingkindness (maitri) practice with yourself first and then extending out to people you love, like, feel neutral about and actively dislike. I've heard that it's a gradual process and that many people have trouble befriending themselves, and so that is where you start--with yourself. If you can't feel warmth and humor towards yourself, it will be difficult to extend it out to others. I have trouble with this, but I am trying to practice tonglen. The main thing, I think, is to do some of the practice daily. That's where I'm at and it's a challenge for me to stay consistent.

Good Luck!

Kate