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Subtlety
Sometime moods hit me with a kind of negative feeling in them, as I detach from them... like stormy weather keeping one in, or the sound of a blue jay cawing when I am trying to sleep ( I work nights and sleep days, otherwise I love birds, and feed them routinely ). But, there are feelings sometimes that have a "no want" quality, and part of me doesn't feel right about it, wanting to change the feelings so that they are only good, all the time. Of course this doesn't work, in Buddhism, the way is to be open to all experience and feeling, so as to realize enlightenments where it seems they are not.
And the subtle feelings and thoughts, along with realizations of connectedness to a "higher" dimension come in once the questions of value subside, once the hard feelings diminish, and change, become past tense and only partially responsible for presenting awakening in the now, in subtlety.
And the subtle feelings and thoughts, along with realizations of connectedness to a "higher" dimension come in once the questions of value subside, once the hard feelings diminish, and change, become past tense and only partially responsible for presenting awakening in the now, in subtlety.
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Perhaps I should treat them openly, as a welcome guest, would that make the stuggles I face any less?
Perhaps I can create my own future, reduce unwholesome behaviour and really get to grips with my mind so that many of my actions do not lead to unnecessary hardship?
So sometimes I DO want to change my feelings. I feel like this sometimes because my life hasn't changed. It's possible to change it; when and if that happens so will my feelings change, and what I'm experiencing will pass.
I don't mind challenges but overcoming mental problems is difficult and tiring. If I could overcome this, life would be better. I strive to put an end to my self inflicted problems.
I tend to see value in what others reject through separating "self and other", and that is so continually done - it is the primary purpose of our existence to undo. Our hearts are made for opening, as love is flowing like a river to the sea of unity. Otherwise, none of this would exist.
But at work, I care for people who are broken and shattered by pain and loss. And within this milieu, I flow, and stop trying to fit a role prescribed through the rigid linearity of Science. Silence is the science of spirit where there is nothing to prove, nothing to take.
The sun just came out, lighting up the woods out back, and for some reason I find myself holding back a tear, so I watch the next thought, and a memory of my family arises, and a vibration in my forehead. Now, I look outside, for an answer to no question of want or need, only freedom.
Wonderful
Anyway, was cutting out a corner piece, like at a 45 degree angle, cut and sanded the piece, and fell in love with it, ( I love everything about wood, it's my only addiction that I admit ), anyway...
Was walking toward the house with this corner piece, fully into the form in my hands, and had a thought that seemed vague, but just felt some kind of reference to a pyramid, then looked up above the house and the image was reflected in a section of metal framing in an old tv antenna that is no longer in action. I had never seen the relationship before, ever, never happened before.
So this new moment, stood out, but just to me. It's not that unusual, but the feeling again had a quality of subtleness which can embrace the usual as, sacred.