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Buddhism and my Mum
emmak
Veteran
I finally had a confrontation with mumsie today about "This buddhism rubbish" as she says. Mum has basically told me it is a cult, that I am being sucked in, and that if I start activley attending a gompa I will be "lost" forever. (I didn't tell her I already attend one. I figured it was not a good time...)
My mother is stuck with the western stereotype of buddhism. She thinks I will have to give away all my belongings because 'buddhists don't own things, they think money does not make them happy' or some other rubbish. I wanted to ask her where she thinks they all live. (Again, not a good time.)
I guess I just wanted to vent my frustration. I have been waiting for this to come up for a while now. She is the only person I cannot talk to about this sort of thing. I have been accused of turning to religion because my relationship is failing. How do you get through to a person so caught up in their own judgement? I love my mum and I want her to understand, but she thinks I am caught up in a silly phase. She never takes me seriously and then gets upset when I don't talk to her about important things. Help me...
Carlia
My mother is stuck with the western stereotype of buddhism. She thinks I will have to give away all my belongings because 'buddhists don't own things, they think money does not make them happy' or some other rubbish. I wanted to ask her where she thinks they all live. (Again, not a good time.)
I guess I just wanted to vent my frustration. I have been waiting for this to come up for a while now. She is the only person I cannot talk to about this sort of thing. I have been accused of turning to religion because my relationship is failing. How do you get through to a person so caught up in their own judgement? I love my mum and I want her to understand, but she thinks I am caught up in a silly phase. She never takes me seriously and then gets upset when I don't talk to her about important things. Help me...
Carlia
0
Comments
Let it flow freely, do not rush into things. We cannot change the views and actions of others, the only person we can change is ourselves. Let the clarity and sincerity in you grow. Time will tell.
Interestingly, the west dominated the economic world since industrialization. Many Christian missionaries came along and forcing their values down the throats to many young people causing much disharmony/discomfort and fustrations between them and parents. I hoped not this will happen to you.
cheers,
It is certainly true that the practice of a deep spiritual discipline - irrespective, IMHO, of 'doctrine' - will bring us to the decision that possessions are more of a hindrance than a help on the journey.
The same reaction could be evoked by a decision to become a nun, or to join a community.
It is really sad that your mother's reaction is so violent. See how such an abreaction brings about suffering! Unfortunately, you have no way back from this because it is her decision to feel and think like that. All you can do is continue to practise. In the end, we are all products of the multiple influences (DNA, environment, experience, karma, etc.): your continued practice may have more effect on your mother than any words.
In the meantime, take Refuge in the Triple Jewel and find what peace there may be in silence. We are all with you.
Carlia, Dharma sister,
I have been spending a little time reading the teachings of Jetsunma Ahkön Lhamo who is the head of Palzang-la's monastery. They are wonderful.
There is one, called Why I Chose Buddhism which might help you in this.
You can find the link in the right-hand sidebar here:
http://www.kpc-sedona.org/
Thank you, Palzang-la.
i too know what it's like to have family members and extended family who christian belief are so close-minded. i honestly believe that many people like this are just parroting what they've been told by someone else. someone that they HAVE to listen to.
i remember when i first started taking martial arts - i was taking it because of the martial art - not because of it's Eastern association. i can remember my mother thinking it was evil and that i'd be bowing and worshipping all kinds of things and my christian soul would be lost.
she couldn't have been farther from the truth. in fact, many martial arts are prime examples of western capitalism with no hint of tradition to them at all - it's just business with clothe belts.
i think you should keep your peace. if asked, tell her why you're doing something very nicely. if she says you don't talk to her about important things - tell her it's because she refuses to listen to you. i think you can do all of this in loving respectiful manner - and maybe she'll come to some understanding that works for her in the future.
michael
If my advice is worth anything I would just suggest that if it makes her really upset then dont discuss it with her, you don't have to lie, you just dont have to tell her everything either. Her religious faith, is probably important and she believes it is the right course for her, only time will convince her that it is not for you too.
She probably does take you seriously, that is why she is worried. Its a little bit of lack of understand of |Buddhism on her part, a little bit of wanting to not let loose the apron strings and possibly a strong faith of her own. Ye do not have to understand everything about each other to have a great relationship. Sometimes its better to let go of things that are a difficultly, even some thing as important as Buddhism is for you, if she cant cope with it. Its not the end of the world that she doesn't get it, you do and that's the important thing.
Patience is the key. Understand your mother is just concerned for you and love her all the more for it. Don't change your opinion to suit her but dont feel you have to make her understand your choices. It will all work out, you love your mother and she loves you and having a good relationship with her is important so try and be calm and patient.
Big hugs and smiles
YogaMama - In australia our accent says 'mum' instead of 'mom' like you guys
Simon - I will check those links later on when I am at work, thankyou.
Grainne - Thanks for your comments. The thing with my mum is that she is not at all religious or spiritual, and I think if I had said I was going to convert to catholicism she would be reacting in the same way (!) And yes, you are right, she does know that I am serious. You are right, I will not be able to discuss the topic with her, which makes me really sad. I don't think my mum knows any buddhists. Or maybe she does, and does not know that they are buddhists. BTW I am 23. Old enough that this is not a phase.
Michael - Christian soul getting lost. Bwahahaha...
And thanks for the referral, Simon! I'm so happy you're using the teachings on the website! Sometimes we put things out and never know if anyone is using them or even looking at them, so it's really nice to hear that you are. :thumbsup:
Palzang
I love Australian accents!
Hey 23 is old enough to start trying to figure it out ... Im 33 now and wish I had started this when I was 20, maybe I'd understand a bit more about it all if I had. Probably the fact that your mum isn't religious is just as difficult as if she where very religious ... She may have a level of mistrust built up about any/all religions. But you go ... stick with it. I am a great believer in trusting yourself and you obviously feel that this is right for you.
Oh by the by - We say Mum in Ireland too - probabably a post colonial english thing. But the Irish accent's are funny enough for everything. I used to go out with a guy from LA and he couldn't cope with fag ... for cigarette and that we called movies ... films or the other 6million irish phrases that are a bit off the wall ...
We say film, too. The difference there is Cinema vs. Theatre. There ar elot so things people say differently across the pond. On my DVD froum it is mostly people from the UK so I have learned so much about the difference in our English. :cheer: