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What makes someone a nice person?
Basically, what do people think makes someone a nice person?
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In reality, there are no "good" or "bad" people. They are just people, who sometimes behave in alignment with our expectations, and who sometimes don't.
Imagine looking down on a city full of people from a very high vantage point. Compare what you see to a forest full of monkeys. You'll notice much the same behavior. People may be intelligent and innovative, but our core motivations are no different from monkeys. We work to acquire food, water, and sex. We gather together into groups, and squabble over power and territory. We all basically want to live and be happy.
To define what is "good" we must agree upon a system of measurement. If we draw a line on a chalkboard, then place a dot on the line and label it "good"...what have we proven? Nothing. Let's say we add another dot somewhere to the left of the first and label it "bad." Now what do we know? We know we regard "bad" as less favorable than "good," but that's about it. It's all subjective.
Good and bad are illusions. When we join a society, we agree to certain rules delineating what is good and what is bad. It's just a game we play to organize our world and make things easier. Most of the time, it is useful and acceptable to conform to the rules of the game. Sometimes, it is not. Sometimes the rules run contrary to what we understand to be right, in a more universal sense. At those times, it is our prerogative to try to change the rules, or disregard them entirely. We do so, however, at risk of drawing scorn from those who continue to obey them.
There is no hard and fast definition for "nice." If you want to be a truly good person, then just be true to yourself. What others say and think is rarely worth taking to heart.
Jinzang said a nice person takes care not to hurt others, not that they never manage to. So, I'd say it is always possible to take care.
That is not a privilege of celebrities though. We are all subject to the judgment of others, and it seems to be the "it" thing debunking other people these days. You must be aware that whatever it is that a person thinks of you is just a partial view of reality, and you can't really expect it to correspond to what you want to hear, because you cannot control it. The more you try to "argue" with things you can't control, the more power they get over you, it is just another form of clinging. You just have to learn to let it go and relax. You are not what people think of you, neither for good or for worse.
I read some time back that one of the strongest drives in human beings is to belong. This has more to do with survival, I am afraid, than our genuine good hearts. So, we are taught right from the get go, at mother’s knee, to be considerate of other people’s feelings. Mom says, “Be nice.”
Unfortunately, the whole process of belonging, most of the time, is set up in such a way that there are the ins and the outs. We all knew in school who was a popular kid, and if we were one of them.
So, belonging almost begs that there be some outsiders, in order to confirm that you actually belong. Are you beginning to see how much of this is just pretend?
Integrity, on the other hand starts by listening to your own heart's wisdom, and living from there. Be true to yourself.
S9
In regard to celebrities, I feel with fame (or notoriety) comes a certain responsibility. We all affect those we come into contact with, for better or worse. This is fact is multiplied many fold when you are in the public eye. I am mindful that if I allow myself to indulge in negative behavior, this will be picked up on by those whose lives I touch. When I fail to live up to my potential, I fail not only myself, but all those I influence, as well. Of course, we are all human and have our own challenges to overcome, but to the extent that is possible, I always try to maintain a positive, dignified public image. Obviously, many celebrities do not share this viewpoint, but I can think of many who do, also.
No matter who you are, if you are in the public eye you will have detractors. You need a rather thick skin to survive. From the Buddhist perspective, this means staying centered, open and awake. Show business is a land of make-believe and egos, and it can get confusing trying to "keep it real." It's all a game, after all. In the end, it doesn't matter what people are saying about you, as long as they are talking.
No, sometimes you have no choice but to hurt others. Firing an employee comes to mind. Maybe sometimes you can do it painlessly, but that's rare.
Not to drag this argument out, but your assertion doesn't really negate what I was trying to say. You can't always avoid inflicting pain, but you take care (ie-try or intend) not to. This means that you can always be mindful of how you are affecting others and do your best not to cause additional, avoidable pain.
hope this better explains my position.
KILL YOU,
TEACH you,
never ask you to repay them
respond
die for you.
temper you in hot fire...
follow 8 fold path correctly..
Just a thought.... no need for any response.