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tolerance
I'm a Buddhist and my wife is a Catholic. We've been married for almost 4 years and have never had any arguments about our religious differences.
Last weekend my wife invited her church choir to our house for dinner. Towards the end of the night, the choir leader asked me for permission to pray. I allowed it because I wanted to honor my wife. So the short prayer session went underway during which my friend, who is a Buddhist, came to me and was very angry at me for allowing the prayer to happen. "How could you allow this?" he asked.
My question to you is was I wrong in allowing the Christian prayer to occur under my own roof? or was I simply living in harmony with others or being too soft and had no stance? what are your thoughts. What would you do if you were me?
Last weekend my wife invited her church choir to our house for dinner. Towards the end of the night, the choir leader asked me for permission to pray. I allowed it because I wanted to honor my wife. So the short prayer session went underway during which my friend, who is a Buddhist, came to me and was very angry at me for allowing the prayer to happen. "How could you allow this?" he asked.
My question to you is was I wrong in allowing the Christian prayer to occur under my own roof? or was I simply living in harmony with others or being too soft and had no stance? what are your thoughts. What would you do if you were me?
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Comments
Why was your friend offended?
If they feel such animosity and resentment towards the celebration of another religion, then they are acting in a prejudiced and hostile manner....
Things which as Buddhists we strive to control and eliminate, rather than harbour and cultivate.
I remember reading in Jim Pym's book, titled "You don't have to sit on the floor"..
'If you hate, resent and despise something, you cling to it as hard and fast as if you loved it with all your heart'.
The obvious resentment your friend harbours is something I would take issue with, were I you.
But in a nice way.
You said it yourself you were trying to honor your wife. That is a nice gesture. You did it because you wanted to honor her, that was your motivation, and not because you were too soft. Your friend might just have ruined a nice gesture by (unknowingly) playing on your insecurities, which leaves you feeling uneasy.
The question that might be popping in your head probably lies not in whether or not allowing a Christian prayer in your house is too much, but whether or not you were being too soft.
Part of living together with someone is to accept they will have different opinions and needs than yours. It is not only absolutely commendable what you did, but it is necessary not to block the other person's needs if you want to have a good life together.
How would you feel if you were a christian and someone (your wife, friend, or just about anybody) wouldn't allow you to pray? That would be a bit awful wouldn't it? What would you gain by not letting them pray? Nothing, maybe a little ego-trip that would turn into guilt pretty fast.
You certainly did not betray the buddhist path - you practiced it. By allowing your cristian friends to pray was an act of tolerance and generosity, whitch is very much in line with the buddha's teachings.
Cristian prayers are often made up of divotion, which is looking beyond yourself, appreciations and compassion - these are some very fine virtues which I think we as buddhists always have an obligation to support, no matter what religion they are practiced in.
Even if the view is, that the man is the head of the houshold, it was still the right thing to do. Buddha tought to accept, not to reject
Big Love
Allan
And you did. And you did something that most people, like your friend, can't do, because they're so attached to their own beliefs.
You did the right thing, the-unknown! The first rule to follow under your own roof is the duty of hospitality. Simply tolerating and respecting the heartfelt sentiments of guests is the bare minimum of your duty. Not even to mention the fantastic things that Fede, allanstevns, and o0Mundus-Vult-Decipi0o have pointed out.
My teacher used to say that tolerance is not enough, but that we need to revere the grounds of the beliefs of others, too.
That's my 2-cents worth.
welcome to the site. It's lovely to meet you.
I agree with everyone else. You did the right thing. Guests in your home should be made to feel as safe and welcomed as possible, even if neither your wife nor you share their religious beliefs. That's why manners and common courtesy are important and you exercised both when you welcomed their praying.
I wonder where your friend got such sexist views? The idea that the man, and not the woman, is the head of the household is very old fashioned and out of step with reality. Your wife has just as much right to be the head of her own household as you do, don't you think? Relegating one's wife to second class status in her own home is...well...I don't wish to be rude, but it's wrong. Unless for some reason your wife wishes to be ruled over by you, sharing the privileges and responsibilities of the household equally with her is the fair and reasonable way to do things in this day and age. A large part of a successful partnership is mutual respect, especially for each other's religious beliefs. You obviously know that already which is why you did what you did. So don't listen to that friend of yours because he clearly doesn't know how to treat guests or wives. You did just fine without his 'help'.
I can understand you wanted to honor your wife.
If it was me, i would have let them do it, but i'd have left the room, but thats because i am incredibly stubborn, LOL
You've done nothing wrong
Susie
I don't understand all these smiley faces. I hope you jest, because leaving the room would have been rude.
We have to let ideologies and dogmas go and be kind to our fellow human beings. I think that is best done by not showing disregard for what is important to others.
BTW, why did you choose "Tokyo Rose" as your user name? For us Americans old enough to care about WWII, that's kinda a little hard to get past. First impressions and all...
Just a hang-up I have, but I wouldn't hold that against you... But then, my stubborness isn't mean, it's just anal!!
What i said i would do, is basically not join in, because i dont see why i have to.
I did say he was right to honor his wife.
I don't know what you are implying, but i haven't been nasty to anyone.
I'm sure if you look at all my posts you will see i'm harmless.
I don't intend to hurt or offend anyone.
*smiles sweetly*
Stay off my back
It was a truly Buddhist thing to do. When I first began to explore Buddhism ,one of the things that appealed to me most was the acceptance and respect of other religions.
Surely nothing illustrates the Buddhist ethos more clearly than such acts of quiet compassion ?
Anyway i wondered of topic kudos for you respecting your wife's beleifs.