Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Inner Peace
Simplify
Veteran
I find that when I meditate and my thoughts calm down it becomes very peaceful. The funny thing is when not meditating I didn't even realize I wasn't at peace. Is this normal?
This morning I woke up in a very grumpy mood. During meditation it was difficult to calm my mind (I could focus on the breath for a few breaths, but it was like a forced will power thing, not a consequence of having a calm mind which is more like letting go if that makes sense). Part of me wanted to keep meditating till I 'got' the calm mind that wasn't grumpy. Another part of my mind remembered that meditation should be about meditation, not about getting anything. What do you think about this? (ultimately the lazy part of my mind one out, as it usually does)
This morning I woke up in a very grumpy mood. During meditation it was difficult to calm my mind (I could focus on the breath for a few breaths, but it was like a forced will power thing, not a consequence of having a calm mind which is more like letting go if that makes sense). Part of me wanted to keep meditating till I 'got' the calm mind that wasn't grumpy. Another part of my mind remembered that meditation should be about meditation, not about getting anything. What do you think about this? (ultimately the lazy part of my mind one out, as it usually does)
0
Comments
I think I can identify with that. A lot of the times I go through life and my mental and emotional state feels perfectly natural so I take it for granted. But then I sit down to meditate and in 15-20 minutes I start realizing how much junk is clouding my mind, how much stress there is on my brain and I say to myself: what a torture!
Just don't give up, friend.
Yes, it's normal not to realize how much stress we're under. We 'normalize' it, we live with it day in and day out and it becomes our normal state. Seeing the difference between a calm mind and a stressful mind is one of the reasons we practice meditation.
I think it was difficult to calm your mind when you were grumpy and meditating because you were trying not to feel grumpy. The grumpiness was not the problem. The problem, as I was saying in another thread, is the desire to not feel the grumpiness, to not be grumpy.
When we are trying not to feel a negative emotion we run into problems because we start adding all sorts of layers onto the negative emotion like aversion, guilt, avoidance and so on. If we're feeling angry we'll think, "I shouldn't feel this way. It's wrong. It's a bad thing to feel anger. I'm an angry person. My anger is bad therefore I'm bad. I'm not a good Buddhist or I'm not advanced enough in my practice if I still feel anger like this. I have to stop being angry. How do I stop being angry? How can I get away from it?" and so on and so on. So instead of just dealing with the anger itself we now have to deal with all this other stuff and we become more and more stressed.
If you wake up and you feel grumpy, feel grumpy. If you want to work with it remind yourself that this grumpiness is subject to anicca, dukkha, and anatta. It will pass, it has the potential to cause suffering, and this grumpiness in not 'me' or 'mine'. It's simply a state of mind that has arisen due to conditions and if allowed to run its natural course it will pass.
You can also sit with it and really get to know it. Getting to know it makes it easier to be with. Do as you do when you start any meditation and as you sit allow yourself to feel this grumpiness. Notice how it makes different parts of the body feel, the stomach, the jaw, the hands, and so on. Take note of how it makes the mind feel. Slow, sluggish, small, tight, whatever is in the mind.
Grumpiness and other unpleasant emotions are good for the practice when we use them wisely and skillfully. When I'm feeling something negative I like to ask myself the question Ajahn Chah used to ask people who came to him for help: Can I endure it?