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Girl Non-Troubles
Just to prove to you all that I'm not a soulless automaton whose sole programming is hatred and cynicism...;)
I've been dating quite a bit these past 6 months or so. All ventures have ended in failure, some more profound than others. One girl texted the whole time, another girl dumped me in favor of a bizarre-looking fellow who is about to leave to be a Marine (much to the amusement of my Army buddies). The most disastrous of all the recent dates was the one where the girl actually brought a friend along as moral support or something ridiculous and then ignored me for almost the entire night. I'm sure I'll value these experiences later in life.
But the other day, I was completely taken by surprise with a chance encounter with a girl from class. I had never talked to her before, but I think I had smiled and waved to her from a distance once. She's an extremely attractive girl; the "the kind of girl that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room" as Leslie Nielsen would put it.
She stopped and talked to me, and we chatted for about 20 minutes. She actually gave me her business card since she works at the University. She seemed surprisingly interested in even the most mundane things I said, and she mentioned how "interesting...confident....and determined" I was. I'm not saying this to gloat, but just to say that this kind of thing never happens. After our short chat, she was adamant that we get together and talk soon. In fact, she asked me out to lunch for this upcoming week!
And here I thought she was younger than me and had just graduated high school! She's actually 24 years old! I tend to favor being inconspicuous, so it's very rare for me to be noticed or have girls my own age falling over themselves for me, let alone a girl who graduated high school while I was still in the elementary grades!
Anyway, considering the obvious intelligence and stunning attractiveness of this girl, I don't want to be careless and bungle this somehow. I want to take it slow, but how slow is slow? That was the chief complaint from a previous girl I dated. "This is all happening too fast!" I guess the restaurant we went to was a little too fancy and I scared her away.
If I take it too slow though, I risk being banished to the dreaded "friend zone" and never having a chance. I guess I need to find some happy medium. It's a confusing business at any rate, but I'm looking very forward to seeing her this next week and trying to find out more. I guess I'll just see what happens.
I've been dating quite a bit these past 6 months or so. All ventures have ended in failure, some more profound than others. One girl texted the whole time, another girl dumped me in favor of a bizarre-looking fellow who is about to leave to be a Marine (much to the amusement of my Army buddies). The most disastrous of all the recent dates was the one where the girl actually brought a friend along as moral support or something ridiculous and then ignored me for almost the entire night. I'm sure I'll value these experiences later in life.
But the other day, I was completely taken by surprise with a chance encounter with a girl from class. I had never talked to her before, but I think I had smiled and waved to her from a distance once. She's an extremely attractive girl; the "the kind of girl that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room" as Leslie Nielsen would put it.
She stopped and talked to me, and we chatted for about 20 minutes. She actually gave me her business card since she works at the University. She seemed surprisingly interested in even the most mundane things I said, and she mentioned how "interesting...confident....and determined" I was. I'm not saying this to gloat, but just to say that this kind of thing never happens. After our short chat, she was adamant that we get together and talk soon. In fact, she asked me out to lunch for this upcoming week!
And here I thought she was younger than me and had just graduated high school! She's actually 24 years old! I tend to favor being inconspicuous, so it's very rare for me to be noticed or have girls my own age falling over themselves for me, let alone a girl who graduated high school while I was still in the elementary grades!
Anyway, considering the obvious intelligence and stunning attractiveness of this girl, I don't want to be careless and bungle this somehow. I want to take it slow, but how slow is slow? That was the chief complaint from a previous girl I dated. "This is all happening too fast!" I guess the restaurant we went to was a little too fancy and I scared her away.
If I take it too slow though, I risk being banished to the dreaded "friend zone" and never having a chance. I guess I need to find some happy medium. It's a confusing business at any rate, but I'm looking very forward to seeing her this next week and trying to find out more. I guess I'll just see what happens.
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Comments
Frankly, her behavior seems a little suspicious to me. Be alert for manipulation. But I hope you guys have fun.
I didn't think you were a total cynic siince I used to be. Give yourself a little credit here. If you had nothing to offer, then she might have not taken notice. Are you the kind of person who can start a conversation with a complete stranger and keep it going? Are you the type the rather stay like a fly on the wall and hope someone will notice you before middle age? Hopefully, your somewhere in between. I was the kind who spoke my opinion and if you didn't like it, buzz off and if you do that it will drive people away.
You said you've already chatted for 20 minutes. Remember the things she thought interesting and go from there. One thing is let go of your expectations (desires) and let things happen. You can't change that. When I met my partner we were both so burned out by "love" we were practically yelling at each other by the end of the first date. After saying mean things like "you're not anymore than someone to fool around with", something developed. We both realized we were interested in each other and let it happen. Being open minded was a great thing in this case. Eight years later and we're still interested in each other.
Another thing, meditate before you go out! Start with a calm place. Jitters are normal for the first couple of dates. You're just getting to know each other. Just make sure to show her respect. If she looks good, tell her. Did she dress up for the encounter? Point it out. Compliment her. She also said she wanted to go out and talk. Do just that! You'll be in my thoughts this week, buddy. I hope you have a great time.
Thank you both for the advice. You'd be surprised how apolitical I am in everyday life. The only people I ever talk politics or religion with is my father or sister, who tend to agree with me. With friends, professors, or other students, I am silent on politics, even if I agree with them. I never get involved in political discussions in class. If you met me, you wouldn't have the slightest clue which way I lean.
I had considered the possibility of manipulation, but to be honest, I am having a hard time figuring out what she'd get out of me. We're in a science class together, and I made my incompetence in the subject fairly well known. So it's not like I'm going to be giving out answers to homework or anything. If anything, she could help me a lot more than I could help her in it.
I can't say I'm really nervous for it. A little anxious maybe, but I really never get nervous about things. Dating is nothing new to me, but even though I went out with a few pretty girls, I never dated a girl that looks like this!
It's funny how in high school, if you dated someone even a grade's difference from you, it was a pretty big deal. And now, 5 years between people hardly seems like anything to me anymore.
:woowoo:
I think what we all agreed on and loved in a guy was just his honesty and ability to be himself, you know?
My girlfriends and I would often use the word 'real' when describing a guy we liked. For example, "I met this guy yesterday and we just started talking and talking. He was very real, down to earth, cool. No posing AT all." We admired guys like that. We couldn't stand the guys who were faking it and we could always tell when a guy was faking something.
So to answer your question, yes, we liked confident guys when the confidence was quiet and really a part of him and not some made up thing he put on to look good in front of girls. Girls, at least the ones you want to hang out with, can spot a fake a mile away. We're absolute experts in male body language. Most guys have no idea just how much information their giving away just by standing the way they stand, walking the way they walk, moving the way they move, talking and interacting with others they way they do. If a guy has to remind himself to be confident before he goes up to a girl, it's already too late. You've got to do the inner work first and have an appreciation for integrity, honesty, loyalty, and honour and so forth because we can tell when it's not there.
Smart, cool girls, i.e. the ones you want to go out with, don't need a guy to be hot, athletic, popular, or loudly confident. They just need him to be real. A guy who's bad at sports and isn't good looking can be wildly attractive to the cool girls if he's real and has the inner confidence of knowing he's an honest, honourable, loyal, intelligent, caring person. You know, guys like you.
No seriously, all you can do is relax and enjoy the night out. Have fun and see where you go; there's no rule of thumb for how quick or slow. Que sera sera.
Well thank you. :cool:
This girl has to be one of the most eccentric people I've met at school. She has a kind of obsession with typography and language and design, so she was ecstatic when I wrote her some stuff in Arabic and some random notes I had taken in English. Even tried psychoanalyzing my handwriting!
Well I was easily won over anyway. We had to move our date back a few days because of finals and everything. So probably next week sometime instead. Providing it goes well, as I believe it will, I'll ask her to a more formal date sometime in the near future.
I have full confidence, especially after she said that the way I write my "E's" and "G's" show a very grounded and deliberate confidence! :wtf:
Sounds like you are doing fine, it's interesting hearing your story.