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All time high or rock bottom?
So now I'm sitting here with all the food I can eat, all the beer I can drink, all the herbs I can smoke, a day off from work tomorrow, some money in my pocket, sex when I want, all the internet to entertain me etc..etc.....anything I want...
but it's really depressing
I just want more and it doesn't even make sense..I don't even know what I want yet and the feeling will come..like a premonition or a dark cloud that comes and says FEED ME.... for example right now, I just WANTED something, no name, or idea..didn't know what it was I wanted..
...
and decided ok I'll smoke a bit...
now same feeling, I'll get some tea,
some food,
some water,
maybe a sprite for later..
LOL I was fine and it just hits me all day long, WANT FOR SOMETHING, "dunno what yet, lemme figure out what I want...."
now I decided I have to watch some sort of show all these things to satisfy this HUNGA!!
this hunger or fire that just consumes...burns strong in me. If desire is some karmic tie to cyclic existence maybe it is a deluded survival instinct?
maybe that's why it's so strong...it's self destructive but also keeps us re-birthing?
but it's really depressing
I just want more and it doesn't even make sense..I don't even know what I want yet and the feeling will come..like a premonition or a dark cloud that comes and says FEED ME.... for example right now, I just WANTED something, no name, or idea..didn't know what it was I wanted..
...
and decided ok I'll smoke a bit...
now same feeling, I'll get some tea,
some food,
some water,
maybe a sprite for later..
LOL I was fine and it just hits me all day long, WANT FOR SOMETHING, "dunno what yet, lemme figure out what I want...."
now I decided I have to watch some sort of show all these things to satisfy this HUNGA!!
this hunger or fire that just consumes...burns strong in me. If desire is some karmic tie to cyclic existence maybe it is a deluded survival instinct?
maybe that's why it's so strong...it's self destructive but also keeps us re-birthing?
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Comments
But I'm sure the living will just, "You know".
So perhaps you should volunteer at the big brother big sisters, or if they don't have that in Canada, the soup kitchen or a local school.
Of course that would just be lie, maybe exciting at first but it always comes back to your steady state.
So I guess what must be done is find the soil of your steady state, but just don't plant flowers, you got to put in potatoes corn and peas. Grow that sheet and when the drought comes, what is it they say, die to it?
Hell if I know. I guess you got to do something.
oooh this sounds so familiar because there was a time in my life that I also always “wanted” something. Even when I had everything a human being needs for existence I always wanted more and when I fulfil that the need is still there thus it was like I didn't know what I wanted.
Understand that this feeling is a craving, a desire and the more you entertain this the worse you will feel. I changed this perception by reading Buddhist texts; reading dependent origination changed a lot but I don’t know if it will work for you; it’s worth a try. Just know how this whole thing is just an empty sequence of causes and effects. That reality struck me greatly.
That’s the best way to get rid of this desire for satisfaction, to be someone important, to be loved etc. I no longer crave for stuff as I used to do; although I still have desires. And I feel a lot better like a great burden has been lifted off.
Sautrantika onwards have a cool presentation. They say things like the 'satisfaction of this beer', 'my house', 'my girlfriend', 'my money' etc are unchanging (static) categories we impute onto a valid basis. For example 'my girlfriend' or 'my wonderful girlfriend' is imputed on the girlfriend in my house.
So when we look at the beer and impute 'satisfaction' and then decide to drink it, we are chasing something we mistake to be external, and a part of the beer. And so we by definition can never be satisfied, because we can never reach what we think we see.
The real kicks in the shin are the various categories we impute about "me". 'I' will become satisfied by drinking this 'satisfying' beer. Persons exist, beers exist, the good taste of beer exists, but there is a very fundamental misake we are making and it takes great detail to see precisely what it is.
The best realization we can have is about "me" and it is that there is nothing to try and reach for and chase. The mind that is responsible for fabricating and leading us to chase these things tat we think we see is already perfectly capable of being completely satisfied.
It was always trying to get to that satisfaction. But because it was afflicted, unaware and marred by ignorance it could only do it in a primitive ass-backwards way.
I though you considered yourself to be "an advanced Buddhist practitioner"? That's how you described yourself in another thread you started. So why are you still smoking pot? Surely you understand by now that if you're still getting high you're not devoted to Buddhist practice.
Just saying...
"Strung out in heaven's high
Hitting an all-time low"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyMm4rJemtI
If it doesnt make any difference, it doesn't make any difference.
Your stuck in the search. There is nothing else to find bro, this is it.
I still smoke and drink/break precepts... because I am a weak advanced Buddhist master.
Lao Tzu =
"always rid yourself of desires, in order to observe "it's" secrets,
but always allow yourself to have desires in order to observe "it's" manifestations"
2: it burns it burns !!!
1:Let go of it then...
2:It still burns !!!
1:Thats because your still holding it !
2:Its burning arrgghh !
1:Sigh when your ready to let go, you can find me on the cushion.