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Relationship or Enlightenment?
Quiet_witness
Veteran
I have been thinking alot about the path to enlightenment and its relationship to romantic relationships. I am currently in a relationship and everything is great; she is someone I could easily spend the rest of my life with.
My dilemma is that I am becoming more and more interested in focusing on my meditation, yoga, and readings. I am becoming more and more intersted in just focusing on those aspects of my life and I am spending more time in solitude. I know that Buddhism does not ask one to be celibate (unless you are ordained), but can one be fully awakened while in a relationship or is that too big of an obstacle?
(I will also consult with my teacher but I haven't had the chance to visit with him during this uber busy holiday season.)
My dilemma is that I am becoming more and more interested in focusing on my meditation, yoga, and readings. I am becoming more and more intersted in just focusing on those aspects of my life and I am spending more time in solitude. I know that Buddhism does not ask one to be celibate (unless you are ordained), but can one be fully awakened while in a relationship or is that too big of an obstacle?
(I will also consult with my teacher but I haven't had the chance to visit with him during this uber busy holiday season.)
0
Comments
Palzang
I'm only 19, so I don't really know a whole lot about relationships or buddhism. In my opinion I would suggest that you be careful not to separate spiritual and daily life. The spiritual path and daily life are one. Sometimes you are perceiving the aspect of work, family matters, and daily life more. Other times, you are perceiving more of the meditative, spiritual aspect. This, however, is only another projection.
Sometimes, the thing that stops people from understanding the nature of reality is their search for the nature of reality. Try not to put it on a pedestal; It's all right here. You don't have to refrain from, do, or become anything.
My advice is this, simply watch yourself. Watch the way you think, the words you say, and the actions you do. Watch yourself constantly, everything else will take care of itself. If she still loves and accepts you completely, buddhist and all, than I'd say she is a keeper
Everything is fine, just the way it is, right now.
I am so glad you made this thread, because I feel the subject of relationships & Buddhism deserves to be explored for many reasons.
Let me say first of all Quiet_Witness, you are a lucky man (for many reasons)
That what would seem here is a source of (growing) conflict, might just well be also your biggest blessing. Finding a partner you can see yourself spending your life with is something many people wish for/look for. NOW that could easily be perceived as something that leads to clinging or similar perhaps, but that's absolutely not necessary.
As long as you can continue to explore your interest in Buddhism and your girlfriend is OK with that, there's no issue.
If she at some point would feel that it's starting to hurt your relationship (no such indication was evident from your post...) then you should just discuss it with her. Open dialogue is the key! She could also have interests she'd like to spend extra time on for example.
I am sure she's happy to let you grow as a person. My advice is, do not loose out of sight that what sounds to me as a wonderful relationship, like you say Buddhism does not ask it (unless ordained), so why should you?
Hope this helps!
:eek:
What's that supposed to mean?
I'd say it's definitely possible, just try not to neglect one over the other.
Palzang
Obviously that one does not often meet 19 year olds with such insight and maturity. Right, Mundus?
Palzang
Indeed.
You're both too kind
Hi Quiet,
You can be in a relationship and be a serious practitioner.
Many have done it, are doing it, and will do it. For me personally, I used to give serious thought to ordination but after about a decade of practice, study and investigation decided that the best way for me to benefit myself and others was to stay in the world, get married, and have a family so I can share the dharma with them and hopefully help lay the foundation for a more compassionate, diligent, and wise society.
Its up to you, take your time and always try to think of the best way to make your life a service to others.
Sorry, a typical Buddhist failing...
Palzang
Palzang
Palzang, that is exactly how I am looking at it (thanks for the encouragement) and with carefull consideration I will better know what to do. Much practice and meditation required.