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Interpersonal relationships: the Buddhist perspective
Ever since I started exploring Buddhism I have found the "non-clinging" aspect of Buddhism to be very useful. For starters I "apply" it often in the form that "expecting too much" of people in general will at times indeed lead to disappointment (suffering), and not expecting too much out of these interpersonal relationships (the non-attachment) is usually a better way to find balance & less suffering.
Still I think most people will strive to be open to new friendships / relationships (I always try to anyway, even more nowadays), but it's hard to strike the right note at times; for opening up too much can lead to being somewhat disappointed if the person in question does not reciprocate in the same fashion.
I usually go with: "be kind & open to others, but never expect too much".
I also strive to be consistent in my ways, and sometimes will invest in these type of friendships, in spite of the chance they may not last in the long-run. I tend to expect certain high moral from people at some point, but sometimes receive moral that comes out lower then those expectations. Making matters more difficult for me to asses afterwords.
EXAMPLE: I expect the behavior you'd expect of a "good friend", but get that of an "acquaintance". (hope this makes sense still... :rolleyes:). Right now... I just put that friendship on a lower scale, cognitively correct it if u will. With close friends you can just easily address this (although it's far rarer to occur anyhow), but with the type of relationships I refer to above that's usually too heavy. As a result I tend to find myself at odds with myself when I still maintain/continue these particular friendships.
So what would the Buddhist perspective or approach be on this issue to succeed in peaceful & non-suffering interpersonal relationships.
Thanks always !!
Still I think most people will strive to be open to new friendships / relationships (I always try to anyway, even more nowadays), but it's hard to strike the right note at times; for opening up too much can lead to being somewhat disappointed if the person in question does not reciprocate in the same fashion.
I usually go with: "be kind & open to others, but never expect too much".
I also strive to be consistent in my ways, and sometimes will invest in these type of friendships, in spite of the chance they may not last in the long-run. I tend to expect certain high moral from people at some point, but sometimes receive moral that comes out lower then those expectations. Making matters more difficult for me to asses afterwords.
EXAMPLE: I expect the behavior you'd expect of a "good friend", but get that of an "acquaintance". (hope this makes sense still... :rolleyes:). Right now... I just put that friendship on a lower scale, cognitively correct it if u will. With close friends you can just easily address this (although it's far rarer to occur anyhow), but with the type of relationships I refer to above that's usually too heavy. As a result I tend to find myself at odds with myself when I still maintain/continue these particular friendships.
So what would the Buddhist perspective or approach be on this issue to succeed in peaceful & non-suffering interpersonal relationships.
Thanks always !!
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Comments
When someone whom I have benefited
Or in whom I have placed great trust and hope,
Harms me or treats me in hurtful ways without reason,
May I see that person as my precious teacher.
(Eight Verses for Training of the Mind)
be kind in a way that is pure gift, that is, expect nothing in return. what's funny is you often get more in return than if you expected even a little. so if with an acquaintance, you act as if you were good friends but don't even make eye contact to see how they react, often times, that person will, in an attempt to get more friendliness out of you, act like a good friend! (if you make eye contact as if you expected something of them, their egos will come into play because they will feel judged, and in this society people's egos are often afraid of love.) and if they don't, Fobile Full's verse can be of use, but is not even necessary if you don't even place trust and hope in them. Of course that is very difficult, to not have any expectations whatsoever of an interaction. I guess it takes/is practice, like Fobile Full said.
About marriage, the Buddha taught here.
Could you expand a little on "mindful awareness and for generating compassion" though please?
And pretty insightful questionful, I do agree, especially not expecting allot is key I feel. Though I do like to look people in the eye (not overdoing) as a sense of respect.
Dhamma Dhatu, thanks, I will definitely look those links up!
Genreally speaking though ... at times the word relationship/friendship can still be a "work in progress", meaning I may think it's already at a level the other person may consider the friendship to be at an even more "early days" stage.
It's true that every relationship (in the full meaning of the word) will inevitably cause hurt at one stage or another. I think finding a good sense of balance with your self will help being able to overcome those situations time & time again without (too much) suffering
Mindful awareness is another way of saying "mindfulness", and it occurs on two levels: internal - observing yourself, and external - observing the other. It is tricky to do that when emotions are flaring or even just hurt, but it does come with practice.
The generation of compassion occurs on the same two levels. Instead of indulging a knee-jerk emotional reaction, you generate compassion for both parties based on the pain or hurt you have observed.
This is why the one who disappoints you is such a good teacher ... they are giving you the opportunity to practice.