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My Ego won't let go.
chrispche
Southend on Sea, Essex, UK Explorer
I keep getting to these states of mind in meditation, where I am just raw awareness. A jhana state if you like. The trouble is I can feel my ego slip away to just simply knowing. When this happens I panic get scared and grasp at the sense of I, the I feel feel's slipping away. Of course then I come back to the moment and the mind state is lost. I think this is important progress and now I have come up against a brick wall.
Does anyone have any tips in avoiding this fear/panic that arises?
Does anyone have any tips in avoiding this fear/panic that arises?
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Comments
Like I've said before (and will no doubt say again), try not to place value judgments on your meditation experience. It is what it is, not good, not bad. Just keep on truckin', as we heepies used to say!
Palzang
Now that's one meditation I have great difficulty with, metta bhavana. To much emotion involved. Not good form my mental health, brings out to much suppressed emotion.
Breath is your best friend, when it comes to anxiety (or panic), because it calms both the mind and the body directly. When you breath deeply and slow, keeping an eye on your breath, it really helps to calm you. It affects your nervous system directly.
If you have trouble concentrating, count your breaths 1-10 and begin again. It is even stronger if you count out loud to yourself.
If you have been hyperventilating, just grab a paper bag and breath into it for a while until you feel a little bit better. Sounds crazy I know, but it works to rebalance your oxygen and carbon dioxide ratio, and so is extremely calming.
I often pop a couple aspirins, for the adrenaline that we seem to throw into our bodies, when overly anxious. It seems to clear this adrenaline up faster in some way that I cannot explain. Aspirins a magical little pills with lots of tricks up their sleeves, which modern medicine is just now beginning to learn about.
My best wishs come your way. : ^ )
S9
As the book says it is like getting to the deepend as a child. First you put your toe in and pull it out immediately. Similarly when a meditator reaches this level for the first time he naturally pulls out. But gradually he tests the waters by putting the leg deeper in. Reaching these meditative states constantly and realizing through experience that they are quite safe you will naturally let go of your will.
Also faith in the teachings of the Buddha will help. This is a path many have followed for years and have reached some beautiful stages. It is safe.
One more thing is that the Buddha has taught Dhana (giving) and Sila (good conduct and simple livelihood) as preparatory stages for meditation and they are taught in day to day life in fact as a way to train your mind into "letting go". If you read my book it sometimes addresses how day to day lifestyle affects deeper stages in meditation. Thus train your mind into letting go and being humble and not consider your self so importantly in day to day life as well. It will help you in meditation
Btw. I am impressed you managed to reach such a level. As I know the level where one begins to lose control (the doer fades away) is way beyond when you have even lost the breath. It's a very high meditative level. Good for you and wish you well in your meditation
Dear Chris
You might want to get advice from an experienced and long standing teacher in a respected Buddhist tradition.
Here on these forums, we all just exchange ideas, but sometimes this is very surface level.
Fear is one issue here from where I stand but from a pure practice perspective, there are other matters for example, I don't think 'you' can be raw awareness.
And if Buddhism were just about achieving or attaining this state or other, it would just be an Olympian feat, not the liberation it is.
Still, these are a matter of where you are and what you are seeking. They still may be matters best addressed with a face to face, experienced and honest teacher.
Please take good care of yourself, and importantly, your health - physically and of the spirit.
Best wishes,
Abu
Your awareness is always here what it should be. Just notice your thoughts "this is jhana" "this is my ego" "my ego is dissappearing" and notice that they are only thoughts and that they cannot create or destroy your awareness. Your awareness is always here and now. It doesn't come or go.
They are not.
Let me just say that, if you also begin to study Awareness, Itself, it will reward you for doing so with a great deal of peace.
Awareness is like a special island, where you can take your seat and merely watch the thoughts (and actions) bubble up and dance around you, like guests at a wedding.
You need not even take part in this dance of the monkey mind. You can rest apart, and renew outside of their commotions.
This is a promise from me, to you.
Try it/you'll like it.
After a while you will take up residence in this new home, (this total satisfaction), all of the time, and never leave home again.
Rain will fall, and winds will continue to blow. But, they will not touch you.
Sincerely,
S9
In fact, invite the fear.
When confronted with a problem, most people do one of two things, they fight it, or they run away from it. Few realize that there's a 3rd option which often works better.
When fear comes knocking on your door, invite it in, let it come sit with you. Tell the fear that it can stay as long as it wants, as long as it behaves itself and doesn't disturb your meditation. You were, after all, nice enough to invite it into your home.
Thanks 4 that, you have made a very good point.
Just let me add this, if you will, to what you have said.
When you invite fear into your life, as a teacher, don’t deal with it in the same way that psychology might do this. Mindfulness is different from psychology in this way, IMO.
Mindfulness doesn’t waste a lot of time figuring out where that fear comes from (somewhere in the past).
Mindfulness doesn’t waste a lot of time thinking about that fear and how it may manifest in your life in the future.
Mindfulness actually takes place right in the HERE and NOW.
In other words, you meet fear right now, just as though it were a new friend/teacher, new to you in every way, and you try to get to know it like you might any new friend. (A clean slate with no preconceptions.)
Now you are able to see how the fear/teacher affects you and who he seems to be, even if what fear seems telling you doesn't makes any sense at/all, and this without previous baggage. A good deal of clarity is gleaned in this way.
And:
If fear doesn’t add to your life in some fashion ,or give you any joy, than you can at least marginalize it, or even better yet, send it packing, if it proves to be simply an intimate enemy, of sorts.
Just my 2 cents,
S9