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about life and what to do..?
So I'm sitting here.
Feeling...weird, kind of...negative
I'm just wondering, what do I HAVE TO do in my life?
See, I was hanging out with my friend before..
and he was telling me things like "oh thefound, you need to be social more and come over more to hang out.."...
"thefound, you need to find a girlfriend and settle down"
......"you need to make more friends..." and stuff like this.
basically he was telling me things that he has done, but he doesn't understand that these things don't interest me.. I have only a few friends who I don't care too see much of the time...they like to drink, play cards, smoke weed, watch movies.. maybe go to a club or bar stuff like that...
useless meaningless social interaction in my opinion..
also I'm not aggressively searching for love, or sex...I'm pretty shy and I guess growing up like that I never developed that kind of aggression..
As far as friends go..I don't like most people, because they are mostly gross..I guess that's why I like buddhists and buddhism, I'm really picky about my friends I guess that's why I only have one to three MAX..
I don't care about money, I have what I need to live, I have a few basic luxuries which satisfy me just fine..
so here I am...kind of content in life...
which apparently is no good, I should go out and get things...get respect , a woman, money, a house of your own...... my friend says this is what makes us human.
So i don't know what to do in life. I figured: well....practice buddha dharma.. follow the precepts,
So far ..I have a few of the 8 fold path covered..keep the more important precepts...lol
but what blows my mind is thinking that the precept of non-killing... might mean that I should have kids in the future, or a family? if not I would be killing 'potential' human beings...
it might be right action/livelihood to have a family, bring sentient beings into the world..make more money, have a career...stuff like that..I may be in a better position to help the world.. then again that's a whole shit load of attachments, pains, sufferings, responsibilities...
maybe I shouldn't even think about my future, until I secure myself in the present..which could take kalpas ....
I think maybe the thing I would like to do is
study the dharma and teach it..
What else is there?!....
what else is there....
when I think about it, that's what I should do. try my best at that.
hell that's what the Buddha did! neh?
anyway needless to say thefound has wandered off the path in the forest and is now thelost...lol I've got to figure out my way back on to the right path...I really feel like my aim is off...you know ...have you ever tossed a ball or something and you know your aim is off... the ball veers towards the side and you just want it to veer back on the right trajectory........eeek gross feeling im having..:tonguec:
Feeling...weird, kind of...negative
I'm just wondering, what do I HAVE TO do in my life?
See, I was hanging out with my friend before..
and he was telling me things like "oh thefound, you need to be social more and come over more to hang out.."...
"thefound, you need to find a girlfriend and settle down"
......"you need to make more friends..." and stuff like this.
basically he was telling me things that he has done, but he doesn't understand that these things don't interest me.. I have only a few friends who I don't care too see much of the time...they like to drink, play cards, smoke weed, watch movies.. maybe go to a club or bar stuff like that...
useless meaningless social interaction in my opinion..
also I'm not aggressively searching for love, or sex...I'm pretty shy and I guess growing up like that I never developed that kind of aggression..
As far as friends go..I don't like most people, because they are mostly gross..I guess that's why I like buddhists and buddhism, I'm really picky about my friends I guess that's why I only have one to three MAX..
I don't care about money, I have what I need to live, I have a few basic luxuries which satisfy me just fine..
so here I am...kind of content in life...
which apparently is no good, I should go out and get things...get respect , a woman, money, a house of your own...... my friend says this is what makes us human.
So i don't know what to do in life. I figured: well....practice buddha dharma.. follow the precepts,
So far ..I have a few of the 8 fold path covered..keep the more important precepts...lol
but what blows my mind is thinking that the precept of non-killing... might mean that I should have kids in the future, or a family? if not I would be killing 'potential' human beings...
it might be right action/livelihood to have a family, bring sentient beings into the world..make more money, have a career...stuff like that..I may be in a better position to help the world.. then again that's a whole shit load of attachments, pains, sufferings, responsibilities...
maybe I shouldn't even think about my future, until I secure myself in the present..which could take kalpas ....
I think maybe the thing I would like to do is
study the dharma and teach it..
What else is there?!....
what else is there....
when I think about it, that's what I should do. try my best at that.
hell that's what the Buddha did! neh?
anyway needless to say thefound has wandered off the path in the forest and is now thelost...lol I've got to figure out my way back on to the right path...I really feel like my aim is off...you know ...have you ever tossed a ball or something and you know your aim is off... the ball veers towards the side and you just want it to veer back on the right trajectory........eeek gross feeling im having..:tonguec:
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Comments
basically I don't know which 'world' to live in...
I've been in so many, I played so many characters,
u know I've been in the world of intellectuals, the world of sportsmen, the world of drug addicts, students....poets.. soldiers...workers....etc etc
I've been a psychopath , a saint, a liar, a bum, a support and a supported.. I've been a businessman, in rich worlds...poor ones...I've been in fantasy worlds of others and my own .....I've even been in no-'worlds', you cant function tho without concepts and self made illusions..
same characteristics though ..everywhere..
so I'd just want to... I guess...find the best world..we say we can achieve liberation or freedom ...a promised land-world exists, apparently..
...lol nirvana?
i think i know the feeling you're talking about. it's one where you know you shouldn't be creating delusions or attachments, but you feel bad if you just sit around doing nothing?
Being friendly and social is not the same as being aggressive.
Wonderful. There's nothing wrong with this.
Not killing and not making new life is not the same thing. There is nothing wrong with being a celibate lay person. There have been many lay people and hermits who have remained celibate, and have attained much. There is no requirement for a lay person to have a family.
Honestly, I don't see how you can interpret the 1st precept to mean that you must have a family, that just doesn't make sense to me.
Having a family creates it's own karma. There is good and bad, joy and pain. I think if your intentions are good, and you wish to raise your children well, that is a noble thing. If you choose that path, I wish you well at it.
This is a good idea. Focusing on your practice is always a good thing.
This is also a good idea. Although, you can have a family and continue to study/teach the Dharma, as many lay teachers and practitioners do.
I too have strayed from the path. More than a few times in fact. I've found that retreats can be helpful in getting back on track.
Sounds like you've spent a lot of time tasting the various flavors of samsara. I'd recommend giving reality a try rather than looking for the best version of samsara.
I'm not a big fan of Ingram, but this quote from him seems relevant:
becareful the power of doubt, of oneself and what one see's
You could hide a miracle in front of someones eyes, just by reminding them they don't believe its real, and their mind would fill in the details...
Meditate
GOOD!
Suffering isn't some abstract concept. Its right here. We have to be blind not to see it. The question isn't 'what can I do with my life?' its 'how do I choose?' and that's something you can start working on right away.
It doesn't matter which world you decide to live in. Whichever it is, women will still be getting raped, children will still be starving, and people will still be killing eachother. So please do something about this. Then you won't just be studying the dhamma, you'll be living it.
They're interesting, though! That's the problem. Try to think less and still the mind more!
May the Force Be With You Alway, TheFound!
Fear.
I can't beat samsara. It is too powerful.
Even if I had an army of a trillion soldiers at my command.
Even if I had a trillion Buddhas.
Samsara is personally dominating every single person I have ever met.
It's a force to be reckoned with.
If only I could ally myself with Nirvana.
That's the only choice WE have.
when I think about it.
Samsara acts exactly like a cult, or some religion or something.
It IS absolutely so STRONG because of.......desires...., because they are PERSONAL
recently ..I've discovered..lets say... some horrible facts about some of the people I know..I thought I knew.
Really apparently they like to get together and have orgies...., get wasted and take coke...and shit like that.
big shock to me, these are some people I highly respected and knew for a long fkin time... WTF BBQ RIGHT?!:mad:
but then again when I look at myself.:(
I'm like that too ...on the outside I'm a normal guy, I go out of my way to be. nice..caring... a BUDDHA....
however... On the inside I'm a CREATURE:mad:... I drink a lot:mad:, smoke a lot:mad:, have wildly lustful thoughts:mad::mad:....my actions reflect this,
i do GROSS things,
because of samsara....:(
....
If I were ever to lead a cult. You should hope to god l I don't.
But If I ever did, I would know EXACTLY how to make it powerful.
Perhaps unbeatable. Invincible...
All I'd have to do is take a few lessons from Samsara and apply them.
Copy Samsara.
the thing is, SAMSARA is not evil.
....It's us.
....we are to blame.
it's so hard to realize this...
One step forward then two back. Then 3 more. Then 3 back.
Notice your thinking and align with the wish to be happy. Servam mangala, may all be accomplished!
Have compassion even on the lustful curves on your body. You only want to drink/smoke to be happy... Does it work?
Agreed.
Anxiety is it? I know how it feels