Lightning bolts of anxiety

Legerity

Good morning,

Recently I've been experiencing what can only be described as lightning bolts of anxiety and emotion. A thought will come to my mind and I will literally tense up and somewhat hunch over as if I was punched in the stomach. Then it will pass and come again later on.

I quit smoking a few days ago, and have also been renewing my dedication to mindfulness and meditation. So my interpretation is that these "lightning bolts" are a positive sign that I am allowing myself to feel what I have been avoiding for so long.

I am just wondering if others have had similar experiences? I suppose maybe there is no certain explanation but I am just curious if I am deluding myself into thinking that this is a sign of progress.

Thanks for the feedback,
Brian

fivebells

Sounds excellent. You may find the suggestions in these podcasts helpful in learning to rest in these reactions.

Jeffrey

Are you practicing prolonged intense concentration? I ask because that can be a mistake. Concentration is not THE goal of meditation but rather is one factor that is balanced with others. Prolonged concentration can bring about strange mental experiences.

It could also be not the cause. I just wondered.

AllbuddhaBound

I would concur that this is a very positive sign. Just keep practicing. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.

ravkes

When I viewed life, people.. cars.. trees.. etc. I used to get frequent fear/anxiety attacks just because life was so absurd. My friend said he dealt with the absurdity of life with no mind.. this led me to studying Zen.. which led me to questioning what these feelings were.. When I understood that these feelings were just feelings and emotions that didn't have any definition.. These feelings over a bit of time were able to reach the point of undefined.. along with the rest of my conditioned emotions. Now aside from responding to conditioned "anger" emotions every now and then which humbles me and lets me realize that I'm not fully awakened.. I am getting to a constant state of awareness because I have experienced somewhat of an emotional death. This is good in forcing yourself to question and realize that emotions are just emotions. There is no problem with life, the little voice in your head creates it. When you are just awareness.. You no longer exists. It just is.

SherabDorje

I'm new here. I work in a health-care field and I've been studying Buddhism and a lot of other things for a long time. Please don't interpret any of this as specific advice, or if you do, remember that it's worth every cent it costs...


When I read that you had just quit smoking and have been experiencing “lightning bolts of anxiety and emotion”, that came as no big surprise. Your brain chemistry is undergoing a serious change. It could just be the simple fact that you've quit smoking.


Then I read about what appear to be anxiety symptoms, and I have had anxiety issues over the years. This reminds me of two things in my own experience:


The first was an interview specifically with an elder Tibetan Lama (apparently one of HH Dalai Lama's childhood teachers), and specifically with regard to the anxiety symptoms, and the last thing he said to me was “don't meditate too much”, which I didn't quite understand at the time, but the second thing is this:


I was reading a book recently by a woman named Tara Brach who does verbal therapy from a Buddhist perspective. She tells a story about a client that came to her that had had a good sitting practice going but was experiencing a lot of very negative thoughts and emotions both during her sitting and outside her sitting practice. Ms. Brach's point appeared to be that something like sitting can lead to “ego-structures” getting kind of porous, for lack of a better term, and that with some people nasty stuff comes up from the subconscious at some points in their sitting practice.


So after I read that second thing from Tara Brach I realized what it was that the Tibetan teacher was saying to me- not everybody can sit. Some people need to be careful about sitting, or it could be that at various times in peoples' lives they have more uncomfortable experiences while sitting.


But you seem to have it in perspective yourself, as you write


“There is no problem with life, the little voice in your head creates it. When you are just awareness.. You no longer exists. It just is.”


Sometimes it's comfortable and sometimes it's not, but it just is what it is. Not getting pulled into it too much or too hard is the “trick”.


That's what makes forums a good experience for me. Those of us who don't have a physical “sangha” immediately available can come to these forums for that.

Legerity

Hi everybody,

Thank you for all the feedback, it's nice to know that I'm not losing my mind or anything like that. The anxiety does begin to surface during meditation, I'm trying to learn how to feel it instead of run away from it. It's accompanied by all sorts of physical symptoms like tightness in the stomach, chest, and nausea.

Fivebells: Thank you for the site recommendation. I have never heard of him before, but it seems like this may be a useful source of information.

Jeffrey: In the past I have focused mostly on concentration in my meditation, to overcome anxiety. Recently I've been focusing more on become aware of whatever I'm experiencing rather than focus only on the breath, so I think this is allowing me to feel what has always been there.

Ravkes: I have always had trouble accepting emotions as just emotions. I always thought that there was something wrong with me if I feel down or stressed out. I'm working on trying change these beliefs and see the emotions for what they are. It's encouraging to hear that you have been able to make so much progress.

SherabDorje: It's interesting that you mention Tara Brach because I am actually reading that same book at the moment, and I found that it has been very helpful in showing me how much I don't accept myself and my experience. I think what I'm experiencing is what you descibe, that the "unpleasant" stuff is able to make it's way through during meditation. There is a vipassana meditation group near my place that I keep saying I will go to, and I think now may be a time where group support would be helpful.

Thanks again for all the replies!

Brian

Legerity

Allbuddha Bound: Thanks for the encouragement. Just curious, did you happen to have a similar experience?

SherabDorje

Brian-


I had hoped for your sake that the anxiety wasn't that bad, but it is what it is, and I can share what I've got, having had years of experience with it myself.


Many Buddhist teachers will tell people in similar circumstances to just go to a reliable doctor. Anxiety can come from any number of strictly medical causes, and it's not necessarily a “psychiatric” problem. Even if it is a psychiatric problem, a qualified teacher might suggest that the person with the issue just do the recommended treatment. I once went to a psychiatrist that was a very committed Vajrayana practitioner in the Nyingma tradition. I visualize myself asking HH Dalai Lama what to do about my issues, and I hear him saying “go to a doctor”.


My point about the elder Tibetan teacher was that he was telling me not to do too much vipassana. My understanding of what Tara Brach is saying in that book is that there are times when people need to “lighten up” on the vipassana until they figure out what to do about all those bogeymen coming up from the basement.


Is there a truly qualified teacher associated with this vipassana group? What would you think about walking meditation or mantra instead of vipassana? It's possible to do White Tara mantra without the initiation, as well as Medicine Budda. I myself don't do vipassana for these reasons, together with the fact that I can't sit still that long. I choose something more structured, and that works for me.


Sherab Dorje Bill

ravkes

Yeah man it's difficult. But when you realize that these emotions are just impulses that you feel that society and consequently the little voice in your head has defined through you through the use of words that create separation.. Fear doesn't exist and Fear my friend is the underlying emotion for all emotion. Once you realize that "fear" doesn't exist.. you are free. Although still caged to your body, you are free to experience inner peace.