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Emotional Detachment?

ravkesravkes Veteran
edited January 2010 in Buddhism Basics
When I feel an emotion, I don't understand it and let it pass. I have to work on anger because sometimes I lash out. Am I detaching correctly? lol I don't know if there's a way to practice this but I feel like I practice it regularly. It's a feeling of constant freedom when I'm in realization mode though.. I need some techniques to make it everyday awareness because I find myself falling in and out of conditioned "reality".. where there are definitions and attachments to emotions. I can understand sensations like pain because they are a lot harder to avert.. but defining emotions; they seem so silly to me and yet I still find myself succumbing to conditioning sometimes lol.. There's probably not even a self.

Basically what I'm saying is, is say for example a person that is "annoying" or is "arrogant" pushes you around at work.. and you feel a burning sensation in your stomach that you once used to define as "anger" does your mind tell you.. I don't understand this; error error lol and the feeling just ends and you are back to a sort of emotionless state or do you just let it happen and just not attach to it I guess. I don't know if I'm practicing Zen right.. I mean you can't practice it.. I guess you just sort of have to let it all go. Are emotions all the same?

Thanks! lol

Comments

  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited January 2010
    I think that there are more than one way to work with anger. Some could be said to be 'higher' I believe not in the sense that they are 'more valuable' but in the sense that you could not work on the higher levels unless you first are able to live in society without committing homicide or beating your spouse. I think we first observe that anger causes negative things and that we don't like the lasting result of it. Then we try to not get angry perhaps. Or perhaps we can get angry but not act out. We also experience stress from rejecting the anger and being additionally angry at ourself for getting angry. In my experience there is some peace we can get from making friends with the anger but not in the sense that we say "yeah lets kick their ass" "lets rage" I experience this making friends with as something that sometimes relaxes but I don't know how to have control of it or how it works. Just I sense that sometimes I am able to move in a direction that feels better....
  • ravkesravkes Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Jeffrey wrote: »
    I think that there are more than one way to work with anger. Some could be said to be 'higher' I believe not in the sense that they are 'more valuable' but in the sense that you could not work on the higher levels unless you first are able to live in society without committing homicide or beating your spouse. I think we first observe that anger causes negative things and that we don't like the lasting result of it. Then we try to not get angry perhaps. Or perhaps we can get angry but not act out. We also experience stress from rejecting the anger and being additionally angry at ourself for getting angry. In my experience there is some peace we can get from making friends with the anger but not in the sense that we say "yeah lets kick their ass" "lets rage" I experience this making friends with as something that sometimes relaxes but I don't know how to have control of it or how it works. Just I sense that sometimes I am able to move in a direction that feels better....

    Interesting.. I've heard a few spiritual teachers talk about making friends with emotion. I will try that.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited January 2010
    now that I think of it is kind of like detachment but you may be interested in the anger as curious and letting it be. Not trying to get rid of and struggling with it. A feeling of more easiness kind of an odd sensation though you still feel the pull of the anger.
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited January 2010
    ravkes wrote: »
    When I feel an emotion, I don't understand it and let it pass. I have to work on anger because sometimes I lash out. Am I detaching correctly?

    Before one can correctly detach from an emotion, they must be able to open up to it fully and make friends with it. At this point, they will understand their emotions. More than that, they will see that their anger is actually a secondary response to a more-basic underlying emotion (usually pain or fear or a feeling of helplessness) ... and when they fully open to that underlying emotion, they no longer lash out.

    At this point, they can say they are detached, although I wish people would use a different word ... One can refuse to look fully at their emotions and be detached from them, but this is not the type of detachment that Buddhism espouses.
  • ravkesravkes Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Like not even resisting the resistance. Letting it flow. What are your opinions on happiness and sadness? I don't feel either anymore.. happiness and sadness were the first to go.. then fear.. and I suppose now I'm working on anger lol.
  • ravkesravkes Veteran
    edited January 2010
    FoibleFull wrote: »
    Before one can correctly detach from an emotion, they must be able to open up to it fully and make friends with it. At this point, they will understand their emotions. More than that, they will see that their anger is actually a secondary response to a more-basic underlying emotion (usually pain or fear or a feeling of helplessness) ... and when they fully open to that underlying emotion, they no longer lash out.

    At this point, they can say they are detached, although I wish people would use a different word ... One can refuse to look fully at their emotions and be detached from them, but this is not the type of detachment that Buddhism espouses.


    Very true.. I think the underlying emotion may be a response from my ego. The urge to be better than the other person, the urge to be "right".. etc. etc. The urge not to be taken advantage of..
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited January 2010
    I feel happiness sadness anger and fear but the discomfort I had from not wanting those emotions has gotten better. I guess I don't think they will ever go away but I don't know if that is accurate.
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited January 2010
    ravkes wrote: »
    Like not even resisting the resistance. Letting it flow. What are your opinions on happiness and sadness? I don't feel either anymore.. happiness and sadness were the first to go.. then fear.. and I suppose now I'm working on anger lol.

    If you spend time around long-time Buddhist monks, you will see that they are great examples of happiness. And look at the films of the Dalai Lama, how he giggles in delight.

    Your emotions should not be "going". You should be feeling them and fully aware of them.
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Jeffrey wrote: »
    I feel happiness sadness anger and fear but the discomfort I had from not wanting those emotions has gotten better. I guess I don't think they will ever go away but I don't know if that is accurate.

    My understanding is that they don't go away.

    I remember reading a piece by Sharon Salzberg (A Heart As Wide As The World) in which she writes about seeing an interview with the Dalai Lama on TV ... he said he had been given a tour of a Catholic monastery that made cheese and fruitcake. The monks had given him a piece of cheese to sample. But he had really wanted a piece of the fruitcake ... at which point in the interview, the Dalai Lama broke out into laughter.

    So even the Dalai Lama has his desires. Hmmm ... I guess the difference between him and I is that he thinks it is greatly amusing when his desires are thwarted.

    Slightly off Buddhist dogma, but saying the same thing: the Bhagavad Gita says, "that man who feels the inrush of desire, but is moved not ... that man has obtained peace."
  • ravkesravkes Veteran
    edited January 2010
    I have to read the Bhagavad Gita. Thanks for reminding me. I'm still puzzled though because I haven't felt that feeling that I defined as "happiness" in a while same with that feeling that I defined as "sadness".. I just get that feeling I used to define as "anger" from external stimuli every now and then and even now that's going away. It's like I'm constantly feeling an emotion of centeredness. It's weird. I guess one can define it as peace but is peace the absence of emotion? Because that's the only way I can describe it. Your thoughts? Is there something "wrong" with me? lol
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Ravke,

    I think that your emotions may eventually come back. The balance of our experience is naturally self correcting. I guess just have confidence and open to your experience as it is whether it is emotional or not.
  • ravkesravkes Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Jeffrey wrote: »
    Ravke,

    I think that your emotions may eventually come back. The balance of our experience is naturally self correcting. I guess just have confidence and open to your experience as it is whether it is emotional or not.

    Fair enough my friend. I think though when I start my martial arts practice and start to "achieve" certain things, I'll feel that emotion I felt.. Although since I can't define it.. I'll still switch back to maintain that inner peace.. almost like emotions are irrelevant. Eh who knows, I'll let you know what's up bro.. and are you the same guy from the Zen Guide forum?
  • jinzangjinzang Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Lots of stuff happens when you practice. If you are practicing correctly, your afflictive emotions will decrease and a feeling of peace will increase. You will notice a sense of detachment, of bring a spectator at first, but this is a preliminary phase. At some point the watcher will dissolve.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Yeah same guy! :)
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited January 2010
    ravkes wrote: »
    I have to read the Bhagavad Gita. Thanks for reminding me. I'm still puzzled though because I haven't felt that feeling that I defined as "happiness" in a while same with that feeling that I defined as "sadness".. I just get that feeling I used to define as "anger" from external stimuli every now and then and even now that's going away. It's like I'm constantly feeling an emotion of centeredness. It's weird. I guess one can define it as peace but is peace the absence of emotion? Because that's the only way I can describe it. Your thoughts? Is there something "wrong" with me? lol

    The Bhagavad Gita quote is, "That man who feels the inrush of emotion but is moved not ... that man has obtained peace." this is not the same thing as absence of emotion, as you describe it.

    Perhaps I do not understand what you are trying to describe, given the inadequacy of language to describe interior events, and given that I am not inside your head. I would suggest you find a qualified teacher: one who has practiced many, many years, and who is other-appointed as opposed to self-appointed ... in the Buddhist tradition if you think that is your path,

    As for reading the Gita. If you have decided to follow Buddhism, then I would suggest you follow Buddhism. I was raised in the yogic tradition, but switched to Buddhism in mid-life. While both paths share much in common, there are some differences that are difficult to resolve if you have your feet on both paths at once. (maybe it is just me)
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