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Depressing work life
Deshy
Veteran
Hi everyone,
I know this is not a forum to help people with their personal worries so apologies first of all. But I have a problem and I don’t know where else to seek advice from so here goes:
Lately I have been really anxious. I have general anxiety disorder with a bit of SA (social anxiety) and separation anxiety as well. So I am a ball of anxiety to begin with. My problem is, lately I have been asked to stay late hours at work. I do at least 12 hours everyday (disregard of the labor laws and human rights etc). I work most weekends also and I am not in a position to quit this job right now because
1) As you know, jobs are pretty hard to get these days so I cannot guarantee I will get another soon
2) I am really scared of job interviews and it is depressing to handle new working environments
3) My mother. Yep, she will be heart broken if I quit the job and stay at home
If it wasn’t for my mother I would have quit this job and taken up some studies for an year and then got a job later but knowing very well she needs my financial support I cannot bring myself to do it. I am stuck with a job I hate and I have no life at all because I am working like a robot day and night plus there is no way to get out of this situation.
How am I going to handle this guys? Any amount of Buddhist rationalization have not helped me so far and I feel totally depressed day by day
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I know this is not a forum to help people with their personal worries so apologies first of all. But I have a problem and I don’t know where else to seek advice from so here goes:
Lately I have been really anxious. I have general anxiety disorder with a bit of SA (social anxiety) and separation anxiety as well. So I am a ball of anxiety to begin with. My problem is, lately I have been asked to stay late hours at work. I do at least 12 hours everyday (disregard of the labor laws and human rights etc). I work most weekends also and I am not in a position to quit this job right now because
1) As you know, jobs are pretty hard to get these days so I cannot guarantee I will get another soon
2) I am really scared of job interviews and it is depressing to handle new working environments
3) My mother. Yep, she will be heart broken if I quit the job and stay at home
If it wasn’t for my mother I would have quit this job and taken up some studies for an year and then got a job later but knowing very well she needs my financial support I cannot bring myself to do it. I am stuck with a job I hate and I have no life at all because I am working like a robot day and night plus there is no way to get out of this situation.
How am I going to handle this guys? Any amount of Buddhist rationalization have not helped me so far and I feel totally depressed day by day
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Have you tried this bit of Buddhist rationalization?:
1. Very few people on this planet have jobs they bounce out of bed for.
2. Buddha told us, in the first Noble Truth, that suffering exists.
3. Why should I expect to be different than the majority of the population? Why should I expect life to be special for me?
I have a chronic heart disease which makes my body want to lie down most of the time (sometimes it lies down even when I dont want it to!). This is not compatible with working a job. But I have no alternative source of income. I am fortunate that during one prolonged absence from work when I did not know if I would be able to return and they hired someone to do my job, that once I returned to work, they offered me data entry and filing at my previous pay level. Mind-numbing work, but when you feel like you are going to faint ... well, who wants to have to be brilliant? I am the highest-paid file clerk in the city ... nay, in the entire country!
This is ALL proof of the first Noble Truth. And as the years pass and I continue to practice Buddhism, the truth of the other three points begins to become obvious.
It is TRUE that good things grow out of manure!
For now, understand that this suffering is temporary.
You know i was going to have a moan about my job today LOL you beat me to it
First what i can suggest is stick up for yourself dont let work places piss you around with stupid hours which break labour laws i personally at work have experienced this the law is there for a reason to protect the worker from explotation do not be abused because it will not stop unless you stop it, join a union.
Put your foot down and refuse to do it if needed you are entitled to a life outside the bondage of work, Go and see your doctor voice these concerns to him/her get some time off for medical reasons if you feel you need to in order to be productive you need to enjoy your job rather then hate it
And perhapes seeking some medication for your anxiety if not try some meditation.
Try this:
This going to sound a little off the wall, but try to see your work life as/if it were just a ritual. (A little like a tea ceremony). Do it much like a priest might. Do not try to even find any worth in it. This creates a buffer of separation between you and the job.
Most jobs actually offer very little job satisfaction. (I've read books on burnout).
This will make work into a kind of meditation of sorts. In this way, without changing absolutely anything but your own attitude, you are putting yourself back in control, and seeking something that is of worth to you…self-mastery and serenity.
Outside of work, begin to make changes.
One thing I did years ago is started to live on less money. I actually banked ½ of my wages for years. This is not done over night, the changes required in order to do this, but it is doable.
Later:
I bought some land and began to grow my own food, this being a huge saving on expenses.
Next:
I own a mobile home, which got me out of paying rent. (Mobile homes loose their value very rapidly when they are not new. Bought one for my father in law for only 2 thousand dollars, and 1 thousand to move it onto my land. There are good deals out there.)
I bought everything with cash...at a huge savings.
Right now you are selling your time for money, think on this, money can also be your key to freedom. I am no longer a wage slave.
What I have suggested as a way out, may not appeal to you. But you certainly should get some kind of a plan, and soon.
Hope this helps,
S9
Plus they were smart enough to add a clause in our contract saying "in case of tight deadlines the employee is obligated to work after hours without pay" lol This of course doesn't mean tight deadlines happen everyday as they make it sound like but I am sure that point has a good counter argument in a court of law. Taking up the challenge of suing them is probably going to leave me jobless, take up a lot of my money with the rare chance of the company agreeing to do a few reforms. At the end, it is not even worth a try
Thanks a lot for all you helpful replies. really appreciate your time and looks like I am not the only one with job issues
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I may be being completely naieve and ignorant here, but why not quit? Sure things may be rough and unstable but it will open so many doors too. Fear is very powerful, use that energy towards something good in your life.
My situation differs from yours because I am in Australia and on a disability pay at the moment. But if your job is making things worse for you, you have the power to change that. Perhaps utilize some savings and research othe job possibilities first?
There are as many ways to live as there are people on this earth. You have the power to achieve great things.
There is a movement going on in the USA, and probably around the world, (I don’t know), some call it “Simple Living.” I was personally surprised how extensively this ‘Simple Living’ is spoken of all over the web.
Maybe this is partly because people want to stop being chained to the work place, a kind of ‘hand2mouth’ existence, or stop living from ‘paycheck2paycheck’ and the anxiety of “never quite getting out from under.” But, I personally have found another major ingredient in this life style, and I call it “QUALITY” of living.
Money and your time (the time of your life) are in an equal relationship. Think about it. You are selling the time of your life (work) in order to do someone else’s bidding. If you had that very same time, you would be doing things to enjoy yourself one way, or the other, and to find personal happiness/satisfaction.
But, instead of fulfilling your life or “Actualizing” (Maslow), you are gritting your teeth and wishing this time of your life to go away quickly, as in “clock watching.” You are in fact, wishing your own LIFE away, albeit in small pieces at a time.
Spending less equals living more.
There is a good reason that the monks are often given only a few bowls, and a couple of robes to make do with. It is not JUST to save money. There is a huge lesson in learning that personal happiness isn’t in direct proportion to the things that you own.
Think on this, if you will:
You do not own things; so much as they own you. First, right of the bat, you have to work to buy them, then on larger things at/least you have to work even more in order to pay taxes and insurance on them, and lastly but/not/least you give up your precious weekends (very often) in maintaining and repairing them…
These material things will probably out live you. ; ^ )
Peace is a skill,
S9
Those are great ideas... I'm practicing some of them already.
With kind regards,
Sukhita
It is always possible to learn to "like" your job. You can't change the amount of hours but maybe you can change how you feel about it. I know it might sound weird because we usually think that "when X happens, I must feel\think\behave like Y", but we can change the way we react to things.
I’m not surprised to hear that you are living some of these ideas. You seem to be very sensible.
Warm Regards,
S9
So, try adopting this belief. Your depression comes from an action in a past life. You deserve it!
Now. Does that make things feel better?
:rolleyes:
FANTASTIC! I just want a desk job filing paperwork and filling out nursing assessments. For the next 6 months I will be unable to drive (or work until the seizures are under control), but your post offered me a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, sorry you don't want to go to work. It sucks! But it is just one period of time today. I used to kid about dividing shifts into 15 minute blocks when I worked 12 hour shifts. I'd say to someone "We only have 12 more 15 minutes before the night is over!" Use what works for you. I used to sing some of the cruder South Park songs while passing meds during a bad day. There are all kinds of way to make work funnier if not fun.
Depression usually thrives on the feeling of what is called the “Double Bind,” or "damned if you do, and damned if you don’t," (AKA no solution). Having some hope, any hope at all, is like throwing a light on in a dark room, it steals center stage away from your depression.
Depression once it begins, seems to have a momentum of its own, almost like a ‘mean little animal’ who wants to live and prosper. It can only do that by convincing you that you have no way out of your problems. "Awfullizing" It makes you feel like a victim.
Fight this by starting towards a solution, no matter how tiny, no matter that you cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
While you are at work, they can control your body, but not your mind. Sit right there at your desk, or whatever, and think about solutions. You can get a small glee out of knowing that they are paying you while you think about how to out smart your dilemma.
Hey, take what you CAN get, and Work at getting more for your self. Be innovative. There is a joy in just being creative, a pay back of sorts, because it is stimulating.
Smile, Smile, Smile, (doesn't seem to matter if it is a make/believe smile), it actually changes your body chemical towards a sunnier attitude.
Then even the idea that they are paying you to smile is a kick, makes you chuckle. Not only that but, smiles are contagious and people will enjoy you being around.
Do isometric exercises sitting at your desk, mpre good feeling chemical course through your body…see what I mean?
Watch your breath. Build that peaceful island (inside of your heart) up to overflow.
You can sneak good things into those same work hours, things that belong to only you. This is a literal "thumbing of your nose" at circumstance.
Warm Regards,
S9
Well I see you are getting back at me because of a comment I made in some other thread but if you read closely again what I said, I never told you that it is a gospel truth that "everything that happens to you happen because of your past life karma". I am saying just the opposite. I'll just leave it at that
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Many thanks to everyone for taking your time to reply me. I really appreciate it
Blessings ....
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Yes, I believe that we are trained up 'not to see' the many contradictions in our way of life.
Perhaps, that it why meditation is such a great tool for change and insight. It says, "Not so fast buster. Does this thought/way of life make any sense at/all?" It is the perfect tool, also, for reprogramming.
When we see that the mind is merely a tool, and not what we actually are, we do not need to remain loyal to our mental foolishness.
Keep on/keeping on,
S9
EXCELLENT ADVICE! Now, what if you don't get paid? Actually, meditation is my weapon against the evil little monster. It gives me something that I can point to that I'm doing to combat it. For a short time I have to be off all medications, but for that 30 minutes a day I am in control of my emotions without chemicals.
Deshy,
Another trick is "thought stopping". One of the sad side effects of the type of depression I'm dealing with is that I can break down crying for no reason. Learning to say to myself kindly "Stop" until I can stop crying and then figure out what the problem is. However you choose to figure it out beats being controlled by it. Since I'm off work for at least the next 6 months [maybe 5 now,
One of the hardest things I ever had to do, (for medical reasons) was to stop working. Even though, I belly ached constantly about being a slave to the paycheck. Paradoxically there had been many things that had supported my mental wellbeing without my having realized it. No one seems to be just one person in this skin bag. "Ain't life a #itch?"
I had worked all of my life in the helping professions, and I really missed the highs of being useful/helping others. There is a real high in seeing myself as the good guy, and seeing another life improve because of something I either said or did. I also really missed work being my scapegoat, absorbing all my blame. HA! Go figure. : ^ (
I was thrown back on myself, not a pleasant experience, let me tell you. Apparently I hadn't thought to build a soft landing. I was forced to work on myself, the real problems, instead of hiding out in being both beneficial and busy. One might easily call that “growing pains,” because I did grow.
Losing your life's work is a mini-death, of sorts. But, get used to it. Because the second half of life is all about giving everything that you have been given, back, and becoming comfortable with that.
My advice to everyone is, to find that thing that can never be taken away from you, and sustain yourself with this alone.
Q: “There are only 2 ways to deal with fate/destiny, you can either go alone with it peacefully, (AKA acceptance) or she will grab you by the hair and drag you.”
That’s a drag. ; ^ )
Warm Regards,
S9
I am not visited by anxiety's evil twin brother "depression" yet.
So thanks to all the kind and good-hearted fellas in the site I guess I really do gave a plan
1) I am going to readjust my mindset to enjoy this for now. As someone alreday said "the Buddha never said this is not suffering" so why should I expect a bed of roses anyway. I will take this as a ritual and just get on with it
2) Simple livelihood. Thanks S9... that's a superb post for everyone
3) Quit and get a graphics job after I am sure I can take care of my mum's expenses. If I do this for a few more years I can save up enough for my mum
So that's the plan Ta daa.
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Palzang
Means? Sorry I didn't get that
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Palzang
I seriously hope that was meant to be a joke. Growing up as a victim of child abuse, it took me many years to recognize that I didn't do anything to deserve it. Two persons who should not have had children did (which is good because I came out of it along with my siblings). Some people would say "God has a reason for everything happening". It was during the time that I began to deal with the child abuse seriously, that I became an agnostic as I could not see any deity/karmatic imbalance as a reason for child abuse. I may be being a bit sensitive, but please remember there are others here who may read this and it would add to their suffering.
I've done enough stuff on my own to cause my own suffering. But it is more cause/effect than paying a price for "sin" or negative actions. Hope this makes sense.
I'm seeing a therapist and going back to 12 step meetings also. I know there is some things I need to work on. I get to work on those darned "character defects" as 12 steppers call them. Going to a meeting tomorrow to talk about how powerless I am right now. No one said I had to like it. It just is.
I plan on working on my shortcomings and seeing about applying my RN in different ways. When the SSDI comes through (I won't quit until they tell me for the 6th time), I plan to get my BSN since I will be able to pay for it up front and then go from there. Or who knows what will happen? Plans are great things and they always provide change even if they never earn any money. YUK!
Well I'm sorry you had to go through it as a kid
According to my understanding, the Buddha NEVER told that every bad thing that happens to you happen because you did something similarly terrible in your past lives. There are five Niyama Dharamas in Buddhism and karma is just one of them. I don't remember all the other five but the first niyama dhamma is "utu Niyama" which means seasonal changes and harsh weather conditions. There are four others. So things can happen to us which are outside of the karmic concept. Hope this will make you feel better
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I am glad that you are reaching out. Just reaching out is empowering in many ways.
Very often, the first step we take doesn’t have to be the best step. Just the fact that we are moving at/all gives us hope and direction. Even a wrong step can give you much needed information about what the next step should be instead.
While you are at school for your BNS, throw in some teaching courses too. I get the feeling (call it ESP if you want to) that you would be a great nursing teacher. I can see it in your face and I can hear it in your words. Your enthusiasm for the job could be contagious, and help many others to enjoy the profession. (Just a thought.)
Everything bad that happened to me as a child, and I had my share, actually turned into compassion eventually...so I am grateful for every bump and scar now. You will be too, given time, I promise you.
Good luck on your new endeavors,
S9
I thought some suffering was just part of the human experiance? Am I wrong?
With birth as condition there is suffering and "birth" here is the notion of selfhood which arises in your mind. False notion of "I am", "me" or "mine". This is what Buddhadasa Bhikkhu says:http://www.what-buddha-taught.net/Books6/Bhikkhu_Buddhadasa_Paticcasamuppada.htm
I am still going through this text myself and having question to sort out so this is all I can say atm.
As for karma, if you fall today and break your leg it might or might not be because of your karma. Interestingly in the Anguttara nikaya (the collection of short suttas) the Buddha had said something very very valuable like this:
"Monks, there are four unthinkables not to be pondered apon, which, if pondered apon, would lead one to distress and insanity. What are the four?
1) The range of a Buddha (the specific qualities of the Buddhas and the range of their influence)
2) The range of the meditative absorptions
3) Results of karma
4) Speculations about the world"
So, don't dwell on it too much thinking "boy is this happening to me because of my bad karma etc etc"
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