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Buddhist views on "anger" ?
I have been thinking about the roles anger can play in my life, and when it has served to protect, and when it has caused harm. There is a part of me that believes that anger can serve as a signal for discomfort or fear, and that it can be a very important tool for an individual to protect him/herself from harm.
But when anger becomes a habit, and it overwhelms the individual and the situation, and it causes harm rather than reduces it, it is important to find ways to reduce anger because it is not serving its purpose.
I recall a conversation with a friend who works as a mental health counselor, and he asked me if I have an "anger management problem." I thought and thought, and I sincerely told him, "No, not that I am aware of. I don't get angry." That set off an alarm for him, and he said, "That is a kind of anger management problem."
I didn't realize that I had become so deeply fearful of "anger" that I had learned to avoid it and hide it and try to sublimate my anger into other vents. As I practiced more and more to understand my inner self and my relationship to the universe, I began to untangle the knots that had kept me living in fear of pain.
My anger came to the surface as tears and resentment and confusion and shame and helplessness and despair. I was angry at others for harming me, I was angry at my parents for failing me, I was angry at the world for not giving me a better situation, I was angry at myself for being so helpless and weak. There was a lot of anger...
My Buddhist practice has helped me to slowly untie the knots of anger that have secretly held me in fear and suffering, and I continue to practice not to overcome my anger, but to learn from it. I find that anger has served to protect me from what I was unable to handle at the time, and gave me the space to avoid resolution until I had the strength and skill to do so.
I am wondering if anyone has thoughts about how Buddhist teachings and practices view anger?
But when anger becomes a habit, and it overwhelms the individual and the situation, and it causes harm rather than reduces it, it is important to find ways to reduce anger because it is not serving its purpose.
I recall a conversation with a friend who works as a mental health counselor, and he asked me if I have an "anger management problem." I thought and thought, and I sincerely told him, "No, not that I am aware of. I don't get angry." That set off an alarm for him, and he said, "That is a kind of anger management problem."
I didn't realize that I had become so deeply fearful of "anger" that I had learned to avoid it and hide it and try to sublimate my anger into other vents. As I practiced more and more to understand my inner self and my relationship to the universe, I began to untangle the knots that had kept me living in fear of pain.
My anger came to the surface as tears and resentment and confusion and shame and helplessness and despair. I was angry at others for harming me, I was angry at my parents for failing me, I was angry at the world for not giving me a better situation, I was angry at myself for being so helpless and weak. There was a lot of anger...
My Buddhist practice has helped me to slowly untie the knots of anger that have secretly held me in fear and suffering, and I continue to practice not to overcome my anger, but to learn from it. I find that anger has served to protect me from what I was unable to handle at the time, and gave me the space to avoid resolution until I had the strength and skill to do so.
I am wondering if anyone has thoughts about how Buddhist teachings and practices view anger?
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Comments
Buddhism is about lifting those poisons from our eyes. We can also protect ourselves and care for ourselves out of loving kindness. Anger is a distortion of the clarity nature of our mind.
Buddhism is also about seeing clearly how things are so that we can act skillfully.
So do not fear that buddhism will make you run out in front of buses or let people walk all over you. Your own internal wisdom will help to point out those would be silly.
Don't expect to eliminate anger quickly. Take small steps.
Nobody can cause our anger - we manufacture it because of fear, threats to status, lust, envy etc etc.
Take a simple situation, such as driving home, and try, for 10 minutes, to feel compassion for the parent meandering all over the road because the kids are screaming, and for the sales rep overtaking at the edge of death and carnage because he must make the next sale or lose his job, or the old person who cannot see or react well enough to drive fast enough.
Gradually extending the length of time we avoid anger, and increasing the time we experience compassion, is always worthwhile.
I think I am hearing that compassion will be an underlying force in alleviating angry responses, and leading me toward a kinder, more balanced, peaceful life.
Much like the OP, I feel lately anger has gotten the better of me at times, and as a result I feel I have failed myself in those moments as a Buddhist...
Your suggestions however Yeshe, are inspiring, I will try to do this to make improvement & will look into meditation too later on.
SIDENOTE: I do think at times, anger can also have it's purpose, it can form an outlet don't you agree. I mean in terms of ... just raging for a few seconds (by yourself) can sometimes get it out of your system.
I know this sounds bad, I don't strive to act this way, but it seems sometimes, "holding everything in" can also be sufficating at times... your opinions?