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Fear is incredibly strong. I can't go on like this
I am badly sleep-depped today, so I might be missing the point, but I just want to point out that I wasn't saying anything against therapy. In fact, it was the first thing I referred to in this thread (post #6)
The saying "suck it up buttercup" comes to mind when I think of the "good old days" when people were expected to work their way through problems by remaining connected with family or community. The problem is, the nuclear family occurred. Society is much more independant and unconnected now. The scientific and medical community developed the way they have, not because of slick ad campaigns for medication. Society changed. Portability changed. Families move all over the place. Extended family and its' support are almost non existent now. In the west, independance has become the norm.
We have more affluence and technology in the west, yet people are more unhappy, overwhelmed and isolated than ever before. If things such as suicide are not addressed by the supports that have been developed, then you will get a lot more of it.
If your therapy of choice is so much like vipassana, then perhaps MOST PEOPLE can just do vipassana, don’t you think, along with another thing or 2 that seems applicable to their particular problems? Life is like that. It just keeps throwing things at us, and welearn by doing.
What are we going to do, instead, set up camp in the doctor’s office, because we can’t make any choices of our own?
No one (not even 5 bells) said that professional help and strong medicines was a bad thing, when it is REQUIRED. The need for this help, however, is just not as epidemic as we have been led to believe by the medical establishment. Can you say, vested interest?
S9, anxiety can be a very severe case sometimes and you just cannot control it with rationalizations like "Most of what we fear never happens." etc etc. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain and if it gets severe you need medication for short term and other forms of professional help for long term. This is not a day to day sad mood, general shyness or a winter blue. This is a disorder
I had the same resistance the OP has those days to seek medical care. It's part of the anxiety I guess; to be scared/ashamed to get help. Sometimes you are even scared to talk to your own doctor. I know people would go there and sit for a while until their number is called and then get up and go back home because they couldn't do it. But the struggle is worth it which is why I also think that if the OP just allows himself to talk to someone who can provide professional help it will be for the better not for the worse. He wont lose anything by talking to a therapist or a psychologist.
However, there is some sense in what you are saying too. We really don't know the severity of his situation. All in all, there is very little help we can give from an internet forum in this case guys... really<input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden">
If your therapy of choice is so much like vipassana, then perhaps MOST PEOPLE can just do vipassana, don’t you think, along with another thing or 2 that seems applicable to their particular problems? Life is like that. It just keeps throwing things at us, and welearn by doing.
What are we going to do, instead, set up camp in the doctor’s office, because we can’t make any choices of our own?
No one (not even 5 bells) said that professional help and strong medicines was a bad thing, when it is REQUIRED. The need for this help, however, is just not as epidemic as we have been led to believe by the medical establishment. Can you say, vested interest?
Warm Regards,
S9
But most people don't practise Buddhism. And many that have who have problems, found that they needed more. See the eating disorder thread and you get a feeling for how effective Buddhism alone has been for these people.
It may have something to do with our society or again, it may be because people are doing things in isolation. I don't know but to many people, Buddhism alone is not enough.
But things continue to change, and once again we have community, (an electronic community), so why not move on with the times, and take advantage of this?
AD: The scientific and medical community developed the way they have, not because of slick ad campaigns for medication.
S9: Excuse me…have you seen the ads for medicine splashed all over the TV lately? Don’t get me started. Pharmaceuticals are big business in this country.
And:
Ask anyone that works in Crisis Intervention, and they will tell you that the drugs do the lion’s share of the work.
I am not sure that people are more unhappy than they used to be. But, who can really say? It does get more press though. : ^ )
I think this is mainly because the old religions have failed us. They haven’t kept pace with the sophistication of the people; we are more educated than ever.
This is perhaps why Buddhism has made such inroads into our lives here in the West. Buddhism offers a way to make life worth living again, and redefines us with an added challenge, to be more than we ever thought possible b/4.
Give me Liberation, any day, over subservience to an autocrat in the sky. Dependence is becoming a thing of the past, and that includes medical dependence.
Q: On the flag of New Hampshire: “Give me freedom, or give me death."
Wow, who put those hot peppers in my speech? ; ^ )
I guess the biggest objection I have is this assertion that sadness in this society is the doings of advertisers and pharmaceutical companies.
I think you would be truly surprised at how many people don't want medication when they feel depressed or overwhelmed. There is a very healthy fear of addictions and over-prescribing that is operating. These people still feel depressed, suicidal, anxious and manage to use therapy to their advantage.
I know that you mentioned earlier that an overactive imagination can sometimes come into play in these discussions and I agree. The thing is, by ascribing much of sadness and depression to ad campaigns and self-serving medical professionals, aren't you painting all helpers with the same brush? It has a conspiracy flavor to it. Are all medical helpers greedy? Do they always approach helping people with their bottom line in mind? Is insisting that the Buddhist way is the only way to solve all the problems, being non-judgemental? Does freeing people from suffering not include people who think differently than you do about spirituality?
Just some thoughts. These discussions are awesome. They stimulate a lot of thought on my part and I appreciate it. I offer the above with the utmost respect and hopes to achieve more understanding for all.
I think you're muddling a lot of different things.
Firstly, CBT has nothing to do with pharmaceutical companies... While medication is sometimes necessary, it is certainly handed out too willingly for the sake of making a profit, and I know firsthand that it can even do more harm than good. I was not telling him to start taking meds. He would know better than you or I if that might be a suitable option for him. I suggested a form of therapy that might be beneficial based on what he's told me. Do you know what CBT entails?
If your therapy of choice is so much like vipassana, then perhaps MOST PEOPLE can just do vipassana, don’t you think, along with another thing or 2 that seems applicable to their particular problems? Life is like that. It just keeps throwing things at us, and welearn by doing.
Er...
This is more like a specific application of vipassana and it's good to have someone familiar with the issue to guide you along the way. What is the problem, why are you so bothered by me suggesting CBT? Would it be better if it was learned in a meditation centre instead? What is the big deal?
What are we going to do, instead, set up camp in the doctor’s office, because we can’t make any choices of our own?
Who suggested this......? What are you talking about?
No one (not even 5 bells) said that professional help and strong medicines was a bad thing, when it is REQUIRED. The need for this help, however, is just not as epidemic as we have been led to believe by the medical establishment. Can you say, vested interest?
For goodness sake, I simply said that if it IS controlling his life, if it IS beyond simple shyness, then learning some CBT (and vipassana) would probably benefit him.
Personally, I would suggest trying this before ever suggesting someone go out and buy st. john's wort and self-medicate, because it can actually have quite a few contraindictions and it would be better to go to a professional before taking it. What about this word is so threatening? I really don't understand what you're getting so worked up about but I apologize if I offended you.
I've been following this dialogue and considering how to respond with effective practical advice and recommendations. When I read your initial post I felt concerned and confused because I wish you well and want you to have skillful means to work with.
Will you please help me understand your circumstances better by letting me know, as vividly and precisely as you can, exactly how "fear" feels as it appears in your body? I mean what sensations to you experience in your muscles, bones, stomach, eyes, and other parts of your body? Will you please take some time and really concentrate on how fear appears, "feels", in your body with as much focused attention and tender calmness as you can muster, then post that here so I may read it?
Shalom and Hugs
well what I feel is my heart starts beating faster, I feel tight, feel like I have to gulp. I guess my eyes widen, I am unable to smile, feel self conscious, feel like I need to take a deep breath, stomach feels funny and I lose my appetite. Once the episode is over I'm usually left with a headache, still don't feel like eating, restlessness, and my confidence is at a low point.
This fear hasn't stopped my life completely but it has stopped me from living the way I want to. There are times when this fear is not so strong and I feel I can do anything but most of the time I can only imagine this, it rarely happens in reality, and something like a job interview can make me feel the pressure. I can still get things done, such as interviews and talking to an audience but just not in the way I would like to most times. I feel like it takes a lot out of me. For example, I might go to a job interview, feel like I did okay, but at the end I might have a headache, be feeling stressed, muscles feel tight, low on confidence, beating myself up, will have lost my appetite etc and think "why am I getting all these physical responses from something so small? when will I grow up?" I have wondered if I will ever lose these responses and feel free. I feel exhausted and don't want these problems. In short what I feel is that I'm just getting by in life and nothing more. I don't feel like I'm living, simply surviving. I do NOT feel suicidal and have never seriously contemplated taking my own life (if I did, I would seek professional help), but I do sometimes wonder what is so great about life if all a lot of us are doing is putting ourselves through incredible stress just to survive. Buddha did say life is suffering but is this true for everyone or jut some people? Maybe this fact will be difficult to accept.
Hopefully I'll start a new job next month, and this will require me to make a lot of contact with strangers. In fact, my job depends on this. If I can't get clients, I fail. Like everyone else I would like money, material things etc but deep down I know this is not my end goal. I just want to feel like I'm repaying my parents in some way by getting a good job and making money so I can help them instead of feeling like a failure. I also want to do it for myself.
I guess in some ways I'm not making it easy for myself (talking to strangers most certainly does not come naturally to me, and I get the symptoms I talked about and yet I'm choosing a career where my livelihood depends on how well I communicate with strangers). I'm a little crazy and stubborn like that haha.
I feel better now, the words on this forum have given me a lot of encouragement. I know there is no quick fix and there may be difficult times. However, I'm gonna put less pressure on myself, stop trying to be so perfect and stop worrying so much about what others think of me. I'll let you guys know how it goes.
S9: Maybe we should put some money into advertising. ; ^ ) Hey, laugh if you want to, but it has saved the bacon of many businesses.
Actually, I’m thinking that there is a huge lay community out there that isn’t being counted.
Then there are the people who help themselves through something Buddhist and just go on with their lives unnoticed, because we hear mostly about sensational stories, or something out of the usual, like, “Man bites dog.”
I want to thank you 4 putting me onto something. Food and I have been going around for a long time…sometimes I win. ; ^ ) But, eating is a tricky adversary because you can’t just throw him out of your life, (Slaps hands together like that’s finished), and go on. FREE AT LAST!
Anyway, I Googled Buddhism and eating disorders and there is quite a lot. I will keep you all posted on what I may learn. A quick glance said something about Mindful Eating being a good strategy.
AD “…to many people, Buddhism alone is not enough.”
S9: Well, perhaps that is because so many of us want a quick fix.
“I tried Buddhism 4 a whole week, and nothing changed.”
OR:
“I want this fixed, and I want it yesterday.”
But, Buddhism isn’t just a ‘band-aid solution for what ails us. It is a way of life. AND more.
AD: I guess the biggest objection I have is this assertion that sadness in this society is the doings of advertisers and pharmaceutical companies.
S9: I don’t believe that it is the pharmaceutical companies that cause our sadness. They have probably been very useful in pointing out that there is a problem. But, just because we have problems doesn’t prove that there is a pill for everything. And this whole idea that there is, may actually exacerbate the troubles by not actually going to the root. Cure it and lose a customer.
AD: I think you would be truly surprised at how many people don't want medication when they feel depressed or overwhelmed. There is a very healthy fear of addictions and over-prescribing that is operating.
S9: “There is a God.” I am really glad to hear that. This whole a pill to go to sleep, a pill to wake me up, is rather overdone, in my book
AD: These people still feel depressed, suicidal, and anxious and manage to use therapy to their advantage.
S9: I have no doubt that this is true. But, temporary advantage is still not a cure. The thing is that, this dissatisfaction, which shows up in some people as an eating disorder, is actually a deep problem having more to do with Spiritual dissatisfaction. Why not go for the gold. Why not find Ultimate Satisfaction once and for all?
AD: Aren't you painting all helpers with the same brush?
S9: No, I am not trying to say that the people out there working in the trenches are bad guys. I am saying that often they, like we, are misdirected. I spent many years in those trenches myself. But, big money is, never the less, very much involved. This is definitely a big machine that has lost its way in many ways.
Not only that, but when you see something through a certain lens, it begins to color everything with the color of that lens. Pretty soon everyone is sick, and not simply troubled. We see what we expect to see, all too often.
I don’t believe the Buddhist way is the only way. There are many Spiritual disciplines that aim deeply and bring us back into contact with our spiritual lives. In order to be in balance, we must deal with our whole self; physical, mental, and spiritual. Most therapy forgets that last important part of us, the spirit.
AD: Does freeing people from suffering not include people who think differently than you do about spirituality?
S9: Of course, they may think differently than I do. But, certain basic facts remain. We are not whole without some part of our life seeing more than our material/mental existence, and this hole in our heart, when left unfilled, leaves us hungry.
AD: Just some thoughts. These discussions are awesome. They stimulate a lot of thought on my part and I appreciate it. I offer the above with the utmost respect and hopes to achieve more understanding for all.
S9: Yes indeed, I second that. Putting our heads together and looking more closely at everything that we usually take for granted, has to be a good thing. NOTHING should be too sacred to examine, once again.
medications are usually not mandatory. you can choose to just suffer with your illness with you wish. or you can experiment with medicines. its a business but there is peer reviewed process of rigorous tests for efficacy of medication. of course even if a medicine is effective it doesn't guarantee a particular patient will respond. medications also are usually having side effects to some degree. rock and a hard place.
I think my teacher said in some cases they may be the answer to all the prayers to the buddhas and bodhisattvas. Some people life is saved by medicine. I am one such person.
Yes, I do see what CBT is about, I believe. It is a form of Behaviorism, and goes straight to the task of teaching people how to think well. Behaviorism is often done in conjunction with medication, when necessary.
(But, what doctor would admit to giving out unnecessary medicine? I don’t even believe that they see it as unnecessary. Most people are trying to do what they feel is right.)
In the old days, when they used to bleed people to make them well, they more than likely thought this was the best thing to do, at the time, no doubt.
Or what about when they drilled a hole in people’s skulls to let the demons out?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with learning a new skill, if you find it helpful. But, many people can work on thinking better without need of a professional therapy. Some call this education.
There are many philosophies, which is all about thinking more rationally, out there. There is even ‘philosophical counseling,’ a new discipline now available instead of the medical model.
Also, remember this, behaviorism puts the mind in the driver’s seat, and sees it as being all-powerful in our lives. It actually identifies your self with the mind, on a one to one basis, and calls the mind, ‘me.’ Present day therapies often honor the ego, saying it should be both healthy and strong.
Buddhism, on the other hand, says that the mind is not you, and that you can dis-identify with all those (empty) thoughts.
M: He would know better than you or I if that might be a suitable option for him.
S9: Sure, but he ask our opinion. What am I going to do, just throw it back at him with, “You know best?” That hardly seems friendly.
Live long and prosper. (Holding my fingers in a funny way.)
S9
Thank you for helping me better understand your circumstances. I appreciate how tough it appears, such as when you write, 'I do sometimes wonder what is so great about life if all a lot of us are doing is putting ourselves through incredible stress just to survive.' Yes, the Buddha did say, (as far as I understand 'cuz I didn't actually hear it from him!) "we have suffering". I don't imagine 'life is suffering' as a correct understanding of the Buddhas teaching.
Dear, I wish to offer you a little training tip I've used to work with disturbing emotions like FEAR. That's why I asked you to share what physical sensations you feel when fear arises.
From your response I picked out four (4) things you feel associated with fear (I'm gonna avoid thinking stuff on purpose, okay?). You write that you feel: 'my heart starts beating faster, I feel tight, feel like I have to gulp. I guess my eyes widen, I am unable to smile ... feel like I need to take a deep breath, stomach feels funny.'
In looking at these things, I imagine 'I feel tight' and 'I'm unable to smile' as both related to muscle tension - a kinda gripping or holding feeling, along with; the 'heart starts beating faster', 'eyes widen' and 'I feel like I need to take a deep breath' - 'like I have to gulp' all as the ramping up of your physical systems to respond to some appearance (imaginary or not) of danger, which is the natural, glandularly mediated 'action potential response'; commonly misunderstood and labelled the 'fight or flight response.' The 'stomach feels funny' may be related to shunting blood from that system to fuel the skeletal muscles so they can act more quickly.
Here's the point of all this - we can clearly/vividly feel these things happening; because it's easier to sense (feel) our gross bodily functions then it is to sense our subtle energy or thinking. So, this is a really good place to start working on getting a handle on disturbing emotions like fear. To do this, we train ourselves to pay close attention to our bodily sensations without trying to control anything. The trick is just to focus the mind on one area of the body associated with the arising of fear. You identified a few really good places. You wrote you feel 'tension'. Please take some time to focus on this feeling and locate exactly where you feel this tension in your body - what muscle group or groups tightened-up first or most vividly when you were feeling scared. You can also trigger this tension by imagining the scariest situation you can. My favorite place is to pay close attention is to my neck or shoulder muscles, and sometimes my forearm muscles - cuz' they tend to tighten first.
The first step in this training is to do the meditation training on the body. To simply sit and feel the body in the body, which is actually the recommended first practice in Theravadin Buddhist meditation training sutras. Just find a stable restful posture and feel the head, neck, torso, butt, legs, etc. over and over again until you accomplish a very tender sense of the body - a very acute awareness of how the body is feeling. With this "acquired" skill apply tender awareness to those places in the body that react to fear. Then try to maintain this awareness to those places as you move through your day.
The success of this has many aspects - especially the power to overcome fear. Without intending to be mean, I'm not gonna tell you how this works. Cuz it's really up to you to discover the secret of this training on your own. It's up to you to do it and it's up to you to know its benefit.
I can tell you from direct experience that it WORKS.
Please let me know how you're doing on this; especially when you accomplish a stable tender awareness of your body, then I'll share the next level of training with you, if you wish.
I guess the biggest objection I have is this assertion that sadness in this society is the doings of advertisers and pharmaceutical companies.
That's not what I was saying, at any rate. The sadness and anxiety has always been there, probably even more in the past. What's happened recently is that it's been pathologized and for the sake of profits, the pharmaceutical industry is pretending that this pathology is well-understood and easily treated with pharmaceutical products. For instance, I just came across this book Crazy Like Us, where apparently the author describes how depression wasn't really seen as a problem in Japan, because melancholy was seen as a noble state. Then some marketing genius decided to present it to the Japanese as a "cold of the soul," pathologizing something which was once seen as a worthwhile state of mind in Japanese culture.
We have some things in common. I'll tell you what has helped me in the past.
Most practically, as an introvert since childhood it has been important for me to find ways to shift into a more extroverted mode of being before placing myself in a particularly social situation. Although sometimes there is no choice but to "dive in," when the option is available I will make this shift by calling a good friend or two and spending some time in conversation. In a low-or-no-pressure social exercise like this, I find that my own mind begins to work in a more extroverted way, so that when it's time to speak to a stranger or engage any kind of high-pressure situation my mind isn't being asked to "make the leap" right then and there. Although I am very comfortable with myself and my thoughts as a rule, I may have been able to work my way up to feeling more comfortable in my own skin.
Secondly, I tend to forget a vital part of the Buddhist teachings, which is the interdependency of all things. I am (as an organism) not an island. Specifically, using the natural tools around me such as vitamin supplements (D vitamin is very helpful if you're not getting much sun), herbs and a generally balanced diet have a profound impact on human consciousness. This is why Yogis have a wide set of rules concerning which foods are preferable for producing alertness in the practitioner. The more balanced my own body is nutritionally, the more I enjoy the company of strangers, familiars and even myself.
Thirdly, one of the aims of the practicing Buddhist is to live in a state of "being let go." Part of "being let go," as I believe has already been mentioned here, is remembering that we are not our thoughts. Although this might not necessarily help your mind avoid flipping out, as it certainly doesn't always prevent mine from "doing its thing," I offer this reminder as reason not to beat yourself up about it too much.
Matter of fact, you know the "Laughing Buddha?" You know what he's laughing at? He's laughing at himself. In a manner of speaking, there's nothing else there for a Buddha to laugh at. Sometimes the best medicine for an unruly monkey brain (and they all are) is to have a good laugh at its expense. When I get worked up about compounded phenomena, instead of saying, "Oh no, here it comes again," I might really milk it and think, "OH NO (haha) PRESSURE RISING! PULSE INCREASING! SWEAT GLANDS -- ACTIVATING!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!"
Hahaha. There's little else as humorous as the human mind taking things far. Too. Seriously. "This is what I am, this is what I do. This all very serious. Very serious business!"
It's not a quick fix. When it comes to the mind, there are no quick fixes. But it's a step in the right direction. If, the next time you're in "the hot seat" interviewing for a job, and you find your buttocks are clenching ("Hey I didn't tell you to do that") then you might just be able to crack a smile. And that's a whole mess of chemicals running around your bloodstream doing the opposite of what your monkey brain is doing. It certainly can't hurt.
Lastly, the obligatory "do more sitting." Probably goes for most if not all of us, right?
Actually, there is a third wave of Cognitive Behavior Therapy that does not challenge thoughts at all. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Acceptance Commitment Therapy are all cognitive, and not one of them label thinking as wrong.
Mindfulness is the most important component to every one of them. Pure CBT focusses on correcting misguided thought and mindfulness does not enter into it, the third wave therapies of behaviorism, all include mindfulness.
And again, to quote Buddha:
"My friends, it is through the establishment of the lovely clarity of mindfulness that you can let go of grasping after past and future, overcome attachment and grief, abandon all clinging and anxiety, and awaken an unshakeable freedom of heart, here, now."
-Buddha-
These third wave therapies believe, as Buddha did, that mindfulness will set people free from their fear, anxiety, obsessions. I don't understand why that is being called into question by Buddhists.
Medicine is based on research unlike bloodletting. Doctors behave largely based on standards of practice which as I mentioned are based on research. If research indicated that medicine is harmful or that the absence of medicine is benefitial then thats what doctors would do. If research indicated M n Ms were benefitial then thats what they would do.
You have to find a good doctors. Some doctors may be influenced by pharmaceutical sales representatives. But doctors CAN make a living (a good one) without such greed and so there is less incentive for them to be swayed than you think.
I would say a doctor should listen to the patient. And to the standards of practice. If a patient goes into the office and wants to try a medicine the doctor should listen. If research indicates that a medicine might suceed then they should proscribe it. Doctors should also let their patient who is not seeking medicine know that they recommend it if the standards of practice indicate it is a good chance to suceed. A doctor should inform the patient about the side effects and ultimately it is the patients choice unless they are Baker Acted.
What you have shared with us here is very good and practical advice. It kind of goes back to us taking ourselves waaaay too seriously. : ^ )
I think introverts (as a minority? group) have a more difficult time adjusting, as most everything we hear about success is framed within a more extroverted paradigm. So extroversion is like a second language (or behavior for us). We must be socially bi-lingual, if you will, and very often find our own definitions about what is right for us.
They talk about how a black person finding himself surrounded with whites, often feels out of place, or even isolated. How then would an introverted child feel in a schoolyard of screaming and roughhousing extroverts? I will tell you, like he never quite belongs, and doesn’t understand what all of the noise is about.
I can remember as a very young child withdrawing from a screaming mob of kids in recess yard, and going over by the fence, to watch little ants crawl about, and trying to recollect myself from the over stimulation that others seemed to thrive on.
But, this is not a horrible thing unless we frame it that way. Also, no one is 100% introverted. It is a number line. You can figure out the percentage in your own character and play them well.
I feel somewhat qualified to answer your post because I was in your exact same shoes not long ago. I'll try to make this as brief as possible. Ever since early adolescence, I found myself becoming more and more anxious about social interaction. At points, I was afraid I was going agoraphobic (a paralyzing fear of leaving the confines of one's home) or even insane. I slogged through high school with very few friends. I eventually ended up at university in a big city where my feelings of anxiety around even the smallest social interaction grew to paralyzing proportions. I would avoid going to class, going to certain places to eat, meeting people. I put off the job-hunting process until after I graduated and was absolutely forced to support myself. Depression was a constant presence in my life.
At some point, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Suddenly it all made sense. I avoided medication for the same reasons you did. I found my way through several support groups that I found tremendously helpful. I did eventually end up taking SSRIs for a short time, but found they made my depression rather worse. What ultimately helped me were forms of cognitive therapy, in particular the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program (forerunner of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am now proud to report that, although I sometimes have my shy moments, I eventually learned to become more comfortable in social settings to the point where most people would never guess I had ever identified myself as SA.
Here's where it get's interesting...
Looking back on my time in therapy, the only difference between debilitating social anxiety disorder and workable shyness was an element of tolerance. Anxiety and depression are not some monolithic entity - they are composed of patterns of physical sensations, memories and thought-patterns. Of those three things, it is often those physical sensations that can be the most uncomfortable to live with: you may be familiar with contractions in the abdomen or chest, the heart pounding, the muscles of the neck/arms/legs becoming more rigid or tense. These sensations in turn evoke past memories of feeling like this in the past -- perhaps being ridiculed, verbally or physically abused, being abandoned or ignored, etc. that may have occurred during childhood or adolescence or early adulthood when we did not have the experience or mental resources to defend ourselves. These memories in turn evoke thought patterns associated with those memories; perhaps thoughts that you were worthless, ineffectual or incapable in some way, or that the world itself is a harsh and hostile place.
All of this gets ingrained into our mind-body complex and, over time, can become a habitual pattern that is extremely difficult to shake. Yet, if you can learn to breathe with the physical sensations, moment to moment, as they shift and change, you will notice that they are really quite simple. They're just contractions and tensions in various parts of the body. If you learn to simply notice your thoughts, you can recognize them as relics of past experiences (those aforementioned memories) that are not necessarily truth. You are not defined by your past. In fact, as a theatre teacher once told me, life is an improvisation; we are making it up as we go along. You have the choice every moment to do something different.
The reality of the science, as far as I understand, is that depression and anxiety are not so much chemical imbalances, but merely a tendency in some individuals for the natural fight-or-flight response to go into overdrive. There is probably some genetic predisposition at work here (my own mother was a highly anxious woman and took medication for bipolar depression for as long as I knew her), but that genetic factor is triggered by our experiences growing up. In the past when the human species were hunter-gatherers, this fight-or-flight response was important; our endocrine system and nervous system evolved to make us reactive to threats for our survival. If a lion or bear would come after us, we would experience a rush of adrenaline and cortisol that would prepare us for action. This is meant to be a short-term experience. Anxiety and depressive disorders manifest themselves in modern day individuals when this response is prolonged because they are dealing with threats and ambiguities that aren't readily solved by either fighting or fleeing.
If what I am saying appeals to you, you might want to check out a book called The Mindful Way through Depression. Although the book deals with depression, it is also extremely helpful for people whose emotions tend to overwhelm them. Chapter 2 in particular was extremely useful for me and I have read it many times over.
I feel somewhat qualified to answer your post because I was in your exact same shoes not long ago. I'll try to make this as brief as possible. Ever since early adolescence, I found myself becoming more and more anxious about social interaction. At points, I was afraid I was going agoraphobic (a paralyzing fear of leaving the confines of one's home) or even insane. I slogged through high school with very few friends. I eventually ended up at university in a big city where my feelings of anxiety around even the smallest social interaction grew to paralyzing proportions. I would avoid going to class, going to certain places to eat, meeting people. I put off the job-hunting process until after I graduated and was absolutely forced to support myself. Depression was a constant presence in my life.
At some point, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Suddenly it all made sense. I avoided medication for the same reasons you did. I found my way through several support groups that I found tremendously helpful. I did eventually end up taking SSRIs for a short time, but found they made my depression rather worse. What ultimately helped me were forms of cognitive therapy, in particular the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program (forerunner of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am now proud to report that, although I sometimes have my shy moments, I eventually learned to become more comfortable in social settings to the point where most people would never guess I had ever identified myself as SA.
Here's where it get's interesting...
Looking back on my time in therapy, the only difference between debilitating social anxiety disorder and workable shyness was an element of tolerance. Anxiety and depression are not some monolithic entity - they are composed of patterns of physical sensations, memories and thought-patterns. Of those three things, it is often those physical sensations that can be the most uncomfortable to live with: you may be familiar with contractions in the abdomen or chest, the heart pounding, the muscles of the neck/arms/legs becoming more rigid or tense. These sensations in turn evoke past memories of feeling like this in the past -- perhaps being ridiculed, verbally or physically abused, being abandoned or ignored, etc. that may have occurred during childhood or adolescence or early adulthood when we did not have the experience or mental resources to defend ourselves. These memories in turn evoke thought patterns associated with those memories; perhaps thoughts that you were worthless, ineffectual or incapable in some way, or that the world itself is a harsh and hostile place.
All of this gets ingrained into our mind-body complex and, over time, can become a habitual pattern that is extremely difficult to shake. Yet, if you can learn to breathe with the physical sensations, moment to moment, as they shift and change, you will notice that they are really quite simple. They're just contractions and tensions in various parts of the body. If you learn to simply notice your thoughts, you can recognize them as relics of past experiences (those aforementioned memories) that are not necessarily truth. You are not defined by your past. In fact, as a theatre teacher once told me, life is an improvisation; we are making it up as we go along. You have the choice every moment to do something different.
The reality of the science, as far as I understand, is that depression and anxiety are not so much chemical imbalances, but merely a tendency in some individuals for the natural fight-or-flight response to go into overdrive. There is probably some genetic predisposition at work here (my own mother was a highly anxious woman and took medication for bipolar depression for as long as I knew her), but that genetic factor is triggered by our experiences growing up. In the past when the human species were hunter-gatherers, this fight-or-flight response was important; our endocrine system and nervous system evolved to make us reactive to threats for our survival. If a lion or bear would come after us, we would experience a rush of adrenaline and cortisol that would prepare us for action. This is meant to be a short-term experience. Anxiety and depressive disorders manifest themselves in modern day individuals when this response is prolonged because they are dealing with threats and ambiguities that aren't readily solved by either fighting or fleeing.
If what I am saying appeals to you, you might want to check out a book called The Mindful Way through Depression. Although the book deals with depression, it is also extremely helpful for people whose emotions tend to overwhelm them. Chapter 2 in particular was extremely useful for me and I have read it many times over.
Thank you for helping me better understand your circumstances. I appreciate how tough it appears, such as when you write, 'I do sometimes wonder what is so great about life if all a lot of us are doing is putting ourselves through incredible stress just to survive.' Yes, the Buddha did say, (as far as I understand 'cuz I didn't actually hear it from him!) "we have suffering". I don't imagine 'life is suffering' as a correct understanding of the Buddhas teaching.
Dear, I wish to offer you a little training tip I've used to work with disturbing emotions like FEAR. That's why I asked you to share what physical sensations you feel when fear arises.
From your response I picked out four (4) things you feel associated with fear (I'm gonna avoid thinking stuff on purpose, okay?). You write that you feel: 'my heart starts beating faster, I feel tight, feel like I have to gulp. I guess my eyes widen, I am unable to smile ... feel like I need to take a deep breath, stomach feels funny.'
In looking at these things, I imagine 'I feel tight' and 'I'm unable to smile' as both related to muscle tension - a kinda gripping or holding feeling, along with; the 'heart starts beating faster', 'eyes widen' and 'I feel like I need to take a deep breath' - 'like I have to gulp' all as the ramping up of your physical systems to respond to some appearance (imaginary or not) of danger, which is the natural, glandularly mediated 'action potential response'; commonly misunderstood and labelled the 'fight or flight response.' The 'stomach feels funny' may be related to shunting blood from that system to fuel the skeletal muscles so they can act more quickly.
Here's the point of all this - we can clearly/vividly feel these things happening; because it's easier to sense (feel) our gross bodily functions then it is to sense our subtle energy or thinking. So, this is a really good place to start working on getting a handle on disturbing emotions like fear. To do this, we train ourselves to pay close attention to our bodily sensations without trying to control anything. The trick is just to focus the mind on one area of the body associated with the arising of fear. You identified a few really good places. You wrote you feel 'tension'. Please take some time to focus on this feeling and locate exactly where you feel this tension in your body - what muscle group or groups tightened-up first or most vividly when you were feeling scared. You can also trigger this tension by imagining the scariest situation you can. My favorite place is to pay close attention is to my neck or shoulder muscles, and sometimes my forearm muscles - cuz' they tend to tighten first.
The first step in this training is to do the meditation training on the body. To simply sit and feel the body in the body, which is actually the recommended first practice in Theravadin Buddhist meditation training sutras. Just find a stable restful posture and feel the head, neck, torso, butt, legs, etc. over and over again until you accomplish a very tender sense of the body - a very acute awareness of how the body is feeling. With this "acquired" skill apply tender awareness to those places in the body that react to fear. Then try to maintain this awareness to those places as you move through your day.
The success of this has many aspects - especially the power to overcome fear. Without intending to be mean, I'm not gonna tell you how this works. Cuz it's really up to you to discover the secret of this training on your own. It's up to you to do it and it's up to you to know its benefit.
I can tell you from direct experience that it WORKS.
Please let me know how you're doing on this; especially when you accomplish a stable tender awareness of your body, then I'll share the next level of training with you, if you wish.
Shalom and Hugs
Okay I'll do that. At the moment when I sit down to meditate I concentrate on the breath at the nostrils. However I don't conentrate enough on bodily awareness/sensations throughout the day when I'm going about my daily life so I'll do that, as well as try to be aware of muscle tension and other bodily responses when under stress.
Comments
We have more affluence and technology in the west, yet people are more unhappy, overwhelmed and isolated than ever before. If things such as suicide are not addressed by the supports that have been developed, then you will get a lot more of it.
If your therapy of choice is so much like vipassana, then perhaps MOST PEOPLE can just do vipassana, don’t you think, along with another thing or 2 that seems applicable to their particular problems? Life is like that. It just keeps throwing things at us, and welearn by doing.
What are we going to do, instead, set up camp in the doctor’s office, because we can’t make any choices of our own?
No one (not even 5 bells) said that professional help and strong medicines was a bad thing, when it is REQUIRED. The need for this help, however, is just not as epidemic as we have been led to believe by the medical establishment. Can you say, vested interest?
Warm Regards,
S9
I had the same resistance the OP has those days to seek medical care. It's part of the anxiety I guess; to be scared/ashamed to get help. Sometimes you are even scared to talk to your own doctor. I know people would go there and sit for a while until their number is called and then get up and go back home because they couldn't do it. But the struggle is worth it which is why I also think that if the OP just allows himself to talk to someone who can provide professional help it will be for the better not for the worse. He wont lose anything by talking to a therapist or a psychologist.
However, there is some sense in what you are saying too. We really don't know the severity of his situation. All in all, there is very little help we can give from an internet forum in this case guys... really<input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden">
But most people don't practise Buddhism. And many that have who have problems, found that they needed more. See the eating disorder thread and you get a feeling for how effective Buddhism alone has been for these people.
It may have something to do with our society or again, it may be because people are doing things in isolation. I don't know but to many people, Buddhism alone is not enough.
Namaste
But things continue to change, and once again we have community, (an electronic community), so why not move on with the times, and take advantage of this?
AD: The scientific and medical community developed the way they have, not because of slick ad campaigns for medication.
S9: Excuse me…have you seen the ads for medicine splashed all over the TV lately? Don’t get me started. Pharmaceuticals are big business in this country.
And:
Ask anyone that works in Crisis Intervention, and they will tell you that the drugs do the lion’s share of the work.
I am not sure that people are more unhappy than they used to be. But, who can really say? It does get more press though. : ^ )
I think this is mainly because the old religions have failed us. They haven’t kept pace with the sophistication of the people; we are more educated than ever.
This is perhaps why Buddhism has made such inroads into our lives here in the West. Buddhism offers a way to make life worth living again, and redefines us with an added challenge, to be more than we ever thought possible b/4.
Give me Liberation, any day, over subservience to an autocrat in the sky. Dependence is becoming a thing of the past, and that includes medical dependence.
Q: On the flag of New Hampshire: “Give me freedom, or give me death."
Wow, who put those hot peppers in my speech? ; ^ )
Time for a cold shower,
S9
I think you would be truly surprised at how many people don't want medication when they feel depressed or overwhelmed. There is a very healthy fear of addictions and over-prescribing that is operating. These people still feel depressed, suicidal, anxious and manage to use therapy to their advantage.
I know that you mentioned earlier that an overactive imagination can sometimes come into play in these discussions and I agree. The thing is, by ascribing much of sadness and depression to ad campaigns and self-serving medical professionals, aren't you painting all helpers with the same brush? It has a conspiracy flavor to it. Are all medical helpers greedy? Do they always approach helping people with their bottom line in mind? Is insisting that the Buddhist way is the only way to solve all the problems, being non-judgemental? Does freeing people from suffering not include people who think differently than you do about spirituality?
Just some thoughts. These discussions are awesome. They stimulate a lot of thought on my part and I appreciate it. I offer the above with the utmost respect and hopes to achieve more understanding for all.
Namaste
I think you're muddling a lot of different things.
Firstly, CBT has nothing to do with pharmaceutical companies... While medication is sometimes necessary, it is certainly handed out too willingly for the sake of making a profit, and I know firsthand that it can even do more harm than good. I was not telling him to start taking meds. He would know better than you or I if that might be a suitable option for him. I suggested a form of therapy that might be beneficial based on what he's told me. Do you know what CBT entails?
Er...
This is more like a specific application of vipassana and it's good to have someone familiar with the issue to guide you along the way. What is the problem, why are you so bothered by me suggesting CBT? Would it be better if it was learned in a meditation centre instead? What is the big deal?
Who suggested this......? What are you talking about?
For goodness sake, I simply said that if it IS controlling his life, if it IS beyond simple shyness, then learning some CBT (and vipassana) would probably benefit him.
Personally, I would suggest trying this before ever suggesting someone go out and buy st. john's wort and self-medicate, because it can actually have quite a few contraindictions and it would be better to go to a professional before taking it. What about this word is so threatening? I really don't understand what you're getting so worked up about but I apologize if I offended you.
well what I feel is my heart starts beating faster, I feel tight, feel like I have to gulp. I guess my eyes widen, I am unable to smile, feel self conscious, feel like I need to take a deep breath, stomach feels funny and I lose my appetite. Once the episode is over I'm usually left with a headache, still don't feel like eating, restlessness, and my confidence is at a low point.
This fear hasn't stopped my life completely but it has stopped me from living the way I want to. There are times when this fear is not so strong and I feel I can do anything but most of the time I can only imagine this, it rarely happens in reality, and something like a job interview can make me feel the pressure. I can still get things done, such as interviews and talking to an audience but just not in the way I would like to most times. I feel like it takes a lot out of me. For example, I might go to a job interview, feel like I did okay, but at the end I might have a headache, be feeling stressed, muscles feel tight, low on confidence, beating myself up, will have lost my appetite etc and think "why am I getting all these physical responses from something so small? when will I grow up?" I have wondered if I will ever lose these responses and feel free. I feel exhausted and don't want these problems. In short what I feel is that I'm just getting by in life and nothing more. I don't feel like I'm living, simply surviving. I do NOT feel suicidal and have never seriously contemplated taking my own life (if I did, I would seek professional help), but I do sometimes wonder what is so great about life if all a lot of us are doing is putting ourselves through incredible stress just to survive. Buddha did say life is suffering but is this true for everyone or jut some people? Maybe this fact will be difficult to accept.
Hopefully I'll start a new job next month, and this will require me to make a lot of contact with strangers. In fact, my job depends on this. If I can't get clients, I fail. Like everyone else I would like money, material things etc but deep down I know this is not my end goal. I just want to feel like I'm repaying my parents in some way by getting a good job and making money so I can help them instead of feeling like a failure. I also want to do it for myself.
I guess in some ways I'm not making it easy for myself (talking to strangers most certainly does not come naturally to me, and I get the symptoms I talked about and yet I'm choosing a career where my livelihood depends on how well I communicate with strangers). I'm a little crazy and stubborn like that haha.
I feel better now, the words on this forum have given me a lot of encouragement. I know there is no quick fix and there may be difficult times. However, I'm gonna put less pressure on myself, stop trying to be so perfect and stop worrying so much about what others think of me. I'll let you guys know how it goes.
AD: But most people don't practice Buddhism.
S9: Maybe we should put some money into advertising. ; ^ ) Hey, laugh if you want to, but it has saved the bacon of many businesses.
Actually, I’m thinking that there is a huge lay community out there that isn’t being counted.
Then there are the people who help themselves through something Buddhist and just go on with their lives unnoticed, because we hear mostly about sensational stories, or something out of the usual, like, “Man bites dog.”
I want to thank you 4 putting me onto something. Food and I have been going around for a long time…sometimes I win. ; ^ ) But, eating is a tricky adversary because you can’t just throw him out of your life, (Slaps hands together like that’s finished), and go on. FREE AT LAST!
Anyway, I Googled Buddhism and eating disorders and there is quite a lot. I will keep you all posted on what I may learn. A quick glance said something about Mindful Eating being a good strategy.
AD “…to many people, Buddhism alone is not enough.”
S9: Well, perhaps that is because so many of us want a quick fix.
“I tried Buddhism 4 a whole week, and nothing changed.”
OR:
“I want this fixed, and I want it yesterday.”
But, Buddhism isn’t just a ‘band-aid solution for what ails us. It is a way of life. AND more.
AD: I guess the biggest objection I have is this assertion that sadness in this society is the doings of advertisers and pharmaceutical companies.
S9: I don’t believe that it is the pharmaceutical companies that cause our sadness. They have probably been very useful in pointing out that there is a problem. But, just because we have problems doesn’t prove that there is a pill for everything. And this whole idea that there is, may actually exacerbate the troubles by not actually going to the root. Cure it and lose a customer.
AD: I think you would be truly surprised at how many people don't want medication when they feel depressed or overwhelmed. There is a very healthy fear of addictions and over-prescribing that is operating.
S9: “There is a God.” I am really glad to hear that. This whole a pill to go to sleep, a pill to wake me up, is rather overdone, in my book
AD: These people still feel depressed, suicidal, and anxious and manage to use therapy to their advantage.
S9: I have no doubt that this is true. But, temporary advantage is still not a cure. The thing is that, this dissatisfaction, which shows up in some people as an eating disorder, is actually a deep problem having more to do with Spiritual dissatisfaction. Why not go for the gold. Why not find Ultimate Satisfaction once and for all?
AD: Aren't you painting all helpers with the same brush?
S9: No, I am not trying to say that the people out there working in the trenches are bad guys. I am saying that often they, like we, are misdirected. I spent many years in those trenches myself. But, big money is, never the less, very much involved. This is definitely a big machine that has lost its way in many ways.
Not only that, but when you see something through a certain lens, it begins to color everything with the color of that lens. Pretty soon everyone is sick, and not simply troubled. We see what we expect to see, all too often.
I don’t believe the Buddhist way is the only way. There are many Spiritual disciplines that aim deeply and bring us back into contact with our spiritual lives. In order to be in balance, we must deal with our whole self; physical, mental, and spiritual. Most therapy forgets that last important part of us, the spirit.
AD: Does freeing people from suffering not include people who think differently than you do about spirituality?
S9: Of course, they may think differently than I do. But, certain basic facts remain. We are not whole without some part of our life seeing more than our material/mental existence, and this hole in our heart, when left unfilled, leaves us hungry.
AD: Just some thoughts. These discussions are awesome. They stimulate a lot of thought on my part and I appreciate it. I offer the above with the utmost respect and hopes to achieve more understanding for all.
S9: Yes indeed, I second that. Putting our heads together and looking more closely at everything that we usually take for granted, has to be a good thing. NOTHING should be too sacred to examine, once again.
Sorry to be so long winded. : ^ )
Warm Regard gentle friend,
S9
I think my teacher said in some cases they may be the answer to all the prayers to the buddhas and bodhisattvas. Some people life is saved by medicine. I am one such person.
This is soooo awesome!!!:uphand:
It's like the universe is listening and sending you answers!!!
Please see this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/sravastiabbey#p/u/0/3jHhwoj0nyc
Wow!!
Yes, I do see what CBT is about, I believe. It is a form of Behaviorism, and goes straight to the task of teaching people how to think well. Behaviorism is often done in conjunction with medication, when necessary.
(But, what doctor would admit to giving out unnecessary medicine? I don’t even believe that they see it as unnecessary. Most people are trying to do what they feel is right.)
In the old days, when they used to bleed people to make them well, they more than likely thought this was the best thing to do, at the time, no doubt.
Or what about when they drilled a hole in people’s skulls to let the demons out?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with learning a new skill, if you find it helpful. But, many people can work on thinking better without need of a professional therapy. Some call this education.
There are many philosophies, which is all about thinking more rationally, out there. There is even ‘philosophical counseling,’ a new discipline now available instead of the medical model.
Also, remember this, behaviorism puts the mind in the driver’s seat, and sees it as being all-powerful in our lives. It actually identifies your self with the mind, on a one to one basis, and calls the mind, ‘me.’ Present day therapies often honor the ego, saying it should be both healthy and strong.
Buddhism, on the other hand, says that the mind is not you, and that you can dis-identify with all those (empty) thoughts.
M: He would know better than you or I if that might be a suitable option for him.
S9: Sure, but he ask our opinion. What am I going to do, just throw it back at him with, “You know best?” That hardly seems friendly.
Live long and prosper. (Holding my fingers in a funny way.)
S9
Thank you for helping me better understand your circumstances. I appreciate how tough it appears, such as when you write, 'I do sometimes wonder what is so great about life if all a lot of us are doing is putting ourselves through incredible stress just to survive.' Yes, the Buddha did say, (as far as I understand 'cuz I didn't actually hear it from him!) "we have suffering". I don't imagine 'life is suffering' as a correct understanding of the Buddhas teaching.
Dear, I wish to offer you a little training tip I've used to work with disturbing emotions like FEAR. That's why I asked you to share what physical sensations you feel when fear arises.
From your response I picked out four (4) things you feel associated with fear (I'm gonna avoid thinking stuff on purpose, okay?). You write that you feel: 'my heart starts beating faster, I feel tight, feel like I have to gulp. I guess my eyes widen, I am unable to smile ... feel like I need to take a deep breath, stomach feels funny.'
In looking at these things, I imagine 'I feel tight' and 'I'm unable to smile' as both related to muscle tension - a kinda gripping or holding feeling, along with; the 'heart starts beating faster', 'eyes widen' and 'I feel like I need to take a deep breath' - 'like I have to gulp' all as the ramping up of your physical systems to respond to some appearance (imaginary or not) of danger, which is the natural, glandularly mediated 'action potential response'; commonly misunderstood and labelled the 'fight or flight response.' The 'stomach feels funny' may be related to shunting blood from that system to fuel the skeletal muscles so they can act more quickly.
Here's the point of all this - we can clearly/vividly feel these things happening; because it's easier to sense (feel) our gross bodily functions then it is to sense our subtle energy or thinking. So, this is a really good place to start working on getting a handle on disturbing emotions like fear. To do this, we train ourselves to pay close attention to our bodily sensations without trying to control anything. The trick is just to focus the mind on one area of the body associated with the arising of fear. You identified a few really good places. You wrote you feel 'tension'. Please take some time to focus on this feeling and locate exactly where you feel this tension in your body - what muscle group or groups tightened-up first or most vividly when you were feeling scared. You can also trigger this tension by imagining the scariest situation you can. My favorite place is to pay close attention is to my neck or shoulder muscles, and sometimes my forearm muscles - cuz' they tend to tighten first.
The first step in this training is to do the meditation training on the body. To simply sit and feel the body in the body, which is actually the recommended first practice in Theravadin Buddhist meditation training sutras. Just find a stable restful posture and feel the head, neck, torso, butt, legs, etc. over and over again until you accomplish a very tender sense of the body - a very acute awareness of how the body is feeling. With this "acquired" skill apply tender awareness to those places in the body that react to fear. Then try to maintain this awareness to those places as you move through your day.
The success of this has many aspects - especially the power to overcome fear. Without intending to be mean, I'm not gonna tell you how this works. Cuz it's really up to you to discover the secret of this training on your own. It's up to you to do it and it's up to you to know its benefit.
I can tell you from direct experience that it WORKS.
Please let me know how you're doing on this; especially when you accomplish a stable tender awareness of your body, then I'll share the next level of training with you, if you wish.
Shalom and Hugs
No doubt medicine is sometimes a “God send.” But, that being said, I don’t think it is always used wisely. Some doctors give it out like its M&M’s.
But, I am happy that you were helped.
Warm Regards,
S9
That's not what I was saying, at any rate. The sadness and anxiety has always been there, probably even more in the past. What's happened recently is that it's been pathologized and for the sake of profits, the pharmaceutical industry is pretending that this pathology is well-understood and easily treated with pharmaceutical products. For instance, I just came across this book Crazy Like Us, where apparently the author describes how depression wasn't really seen as a problem in Japan, because melancholy was seen as a noble state. Then some marketing genius decided to present it to the Japanese as a "cold of the soul," pathologizing something which was once seen as a worthwhile state of mind in Japanese culture.
Most practically, as an introvert since childhood it has been important for me to find ways to shift into a more extroverted mode of being before placing myself in a particularly social situation. Although sometimes there is no choice but to "dive in," when the option is available I will make this shift by calling a good friend or two and spending some time in conversation. In a low-or-no-pressure social exercise like this, I find that my own mind begins to work in a more extroverted way, so that when it's time to speak to a stranger or engage any kind of high-pressure situation my mind isn't being asked to "make the leap" right then and there. Although I am very comfortable with myself and my thoughts as a rule, I may have been able to work my way up to feeling more comfortable in my own skin.
Secondly, I tend to forget a vital part of the Buddhist teachings, which is the interdependency of all things. I am (as an organism) not an island. Specifically, using the natural tools around me such as vitamin supplements (D vitamin is very helpful if you're not getting much sun), herbs and a generally balanced diet have a profound impact on human consciousness. This is why Yogis have a wide set of rules concerning which foods are preferable for producing alertness in the practitioner. The more balanced my own body is nutritionally, the more I enjoy the company of strangers, familiars and even myself.
Thirdly, one of the aims of the practicing Buddhist is to live in a state of "being let go." Part of "being let go," as I believe has already been mentioned here, is remembering that we are not our thoughts. Although this might not necessarily help your mind avoid flipping out, as it certainly doesn't always prevent mine from "doing its thing," I offer this reminder as reason not to beat yourself up about it too much.
Matter of fact, you know the "Laughing Buddha?" You know what he's laughing at? He's laughing at himself. In a manner of speaking, there's nothing else there for a Buddha to laugh at. Sometimes the best medicine for an unruly monkey brain (and they all are) is to have a good laugh at its expense. When I get worked up about compounded phenomena, instead of saying, "Oh no, here it comes again," I might really milk it and think, "OH NO (haha) PRESSURE RISING! PULSE INCREASING! SWEAT GLANDS -- ACTIVATING!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!"
Hahaha. There's little else as humorous as the human mind taking things far. Too. Seriously. "This is what I am, this is what I do. This all very serious. Very serious business!"
It's not a quick fix. When it comes to the mind, there are no quick fixes. But it's a step in the right direction. If, the next time you're in "the hot seat" interviewing for a job, and you find your buttocks are clenching ("Hey I didn't tell you to do that") then you might just be able to crack a smile. And that's a whole mess of chemicals running around your bloodstream doing the opposite of what your monkey brain is doing. It certainly can't hurt.
Lastly, the obligatory "do more sitting." Probably goes for most if not all of us, right?
Mindfulness is the most important component to every one of them. Pure CBT focusses on correcting misguided thought and mindfulness does not enter into it, the third wave therapies of behaviorism, all include mindfulness.
And again, to quote Buddha:
"My friends, it is through the establishment of the lovely clarity of mindfulness that you can let go of grasping after past and future, overcome attachment and grief, abandon all clinging and anxiety, and awaken an unshakeable freedom of heart, here, now."
-Buddha-
These third wave therapies believe, as Buddha did, that mindfulness will set people free from their fear, anxiety, obsessions. I don't understand why that is being called into question by Buddhists.
Quote: “When the gods looked down and saw the human condition, they felt really sorry for them, and so they gave them humor.”
One of my mantras, (thoughts that keep me sane.)
S9
Quote: “A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.”
So why fear this wonderful opportunity?
I have a million of them. ; ^ )
Smiles,
S9
Medicine is based on research unlike bloodletting. Doctors behave largely based on standards of practice which as I mentioned are based on research. If research indicated that medicine is harmful or that the absence of medicine is benefitial then thats what doctors would do. If research indicated M n Ms were benefitial then thats what they would do.
You have to find a good doctors. Some doctors may be influenced by pharmaceutical sales representatives. But doctors CAN make a living (a good one) without such greed and so there is less incentive for them to be swayed than you think.
I would say a doctor should listen to the patient. And to the standards of practice. If a patient goes into the office and wants to try a medicine the doctor should listen. If research indicates that a medicine might suceed then they should proscribe it. Doctors should also let their patient who is not seeking medicine know that they recommend it if the standards of practice indicate it is a good chance to suceed. A doctor should inform the patient about the side effects and ultimately it is the patients choice unless they are Baker Acted.
What you have shared with us here is very good and practical advice. It kind of goes back to us taking ourselves waaaay too seriously. : ^ )
I think introverts (as a minority? group) have a more difficult time adjusting, as most everything we hear about success is framed within a more extroverted paradigm. So extroversion is like a second language (or behavior for us). We must be socially bi-lingual, if you will, and very often find our own definitions about what is right for us.
They talk about how a black person finding himself surrounded with whites, often feels out of place, or even isolated. How then would an introverted child feel in a schoolyard of screaming and roughhousing extroverts? I will tell you, like he never quite belongs, and doesn’t understand what all of the noise is about.
I can remember as a very young child withdrawing from a screaming mob of kids in recess yard, and going over by the fence, to watch little ants crawl about, and trying to recollect myself from the over stimulation that others seemed to thrive on.
But, this is not a horrible thing unless we frame it that way. Also, no one is 100% introverted. It is a number line. You can figure out the percentage in your own character and play them well.
Welcome to our little group,
S9
I feel somewhat qualified to answer your post because I was in your exact same shoes not long ago. I'll try to make this as brief as possible. Ever since early adolescence, I found myself becoming more and more anxious about social interaction. At points, I was afraid I was going agoraphobic (a paralyzing fear of leaving the confines of one's home) or even insane. I slogged through high school with very few friends. I eventually ended up at university in a big city where my feelings of anxiety around even the smallest social interaction grew to paralyzing proportions. I would avoid going to class, going to certain places to eat, meeting people. I put off the job-hunting process until after I graduated and was absolutely forced to support myself. Depression was a constant presence in my life.
At some point, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Suddenly it all made sense. I avoided medication for the same reasons you did. I found my way through several support groups that I found tremendously helpful. I did eventually end up taking SSRIs for a short time, but found they made my depression rather worse. What ultimately helped me were forms of cognitive therapy, in particular the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program (forerunner of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am now proud to report that, although I sometimes have my shy moments, I eventually learned to become more comfortable in social settings to the point where most people would never guess I had ever identified myself as SA.
Here's where it get's interesting...
Looking back on my time in therapy, the only difference between debilitating social anxiety disorder and workable shyness was an element of tolerance. Anxiety and depression are not some monolithic entity - they are composed of patterns of physical sensations, memories and thought-patterns. Of those three things, it is often those physical sensations that can be the most uncomfortable to live with: you may be familiar with contractions in the abdomen or chest, the heart pounding, the muscles of the neck/arms/legs becoming more rigid or tense. These sensations in turn evoke past memories of feeling like this in the past -- perhaps being ridiculed, verbally or physically abused, being abandoned or ignored, etc. that may have occurred during childhood or adolescence or early adulthood when we did not have the experience or mental resources to defend ourselves. These memories in turn evoke thought patterns associated with those memories; perhaps thoughts that you were worthless, ineffectual or incapable in some way, or that the world itself is a harsh and hostile place.
All of this gets ingrained into our mind-body complex and, over time, can become a habitual pattern that is extremely difficult to shake. Yet, if you can learn to breathe with the physical sensations, moment to moment, as they shift and change, you will notice that they are really quite simple. They're just contractions and tensions in various parts of the body. If you learn to simply notice your thoughts, you can recognize them as relics of past experiences (those aforementioned memories) that are not necessarily truth. You are not defined by your past. In fact, as a theatre teacher once told me, life is an improvisation; we are making it up as we go along. You have the choice every moment to do something different.
The reality of the science, as far as I understand, is that depression and anxiety are not so much chemical imbalances, but merely a tendency in some individuals for the natural fight-or-flight response to go into overdrive. There is probably some genetic predisposition at work here (my own mother was a highly anxious woman and took medication for bipolar depression for as long as I knew her), but that genetic factor is triggered by our experiences growing up. In the past when the human species were hunter-gatherers, this fight-or-flight response was important; our endocrine system and nervous system evolved to make us reactive to threats for our survival. If a lion or bear would come after us, we would experience a rush of adrenaline and cortisol that would prepare us for action. This is meant to be a short-term experience. Anxiety and depressive disorders manifest themselves in modern day individuals when this response is prolonged because they are dealing with threats and ambiguities that aren't readily solved by either fighting or fleeing.
If what I am saying appeals to you, you might want to check out a book called The Mindful Way through Depression. Although the book deals with depression, it is also extremely helpful for people whose emotions tend to overwhelm them. Chapter 2 in particular was extremely useful for me and I have read it many times over.
Best of luck to you!
Great advice.
Namaste
Okay I'll do that. At the moment when I sit down to meditate I concentrate on the breath at the nostrils. However I don't conentrate enough on bodily awareness/sensations throughout the day when I'm going about my daily life so I'll do that, as well as try to be aware of muscle tension and other bodily responses when under stress.
S9
When you find tension in your body. Try breathing into it, (imagine your in breath going into that spot), and it will relax it.
Peace,
S9
Here's another talk on Fear from Sravasti Abbey http://www.youtube.com/sravastiabbey#p/u/0/-6w-C4nvOaE
Shalom and Hugs
Another youtube video on fear was posted today from Sravasti Abbey. I thought it very good!
http://www.youtube.com/sravastiabbey#p/u/0/RCXz8zNUE0c
Shalom and Hugs