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Unwanted Feelings of Resentmant towards others... Users...

Hank777Hank777
edited January 2010 in Buddhism Basics
At times I find myself struggling as a Buddhist when feelings of resentment towards others take over me.For example when I get the feeling people are (trying) to use me (albeit it in an innocent way).
Or when a friendship takes a twist on you, but then later on "nothing is ever said about it that" again.

In the past I would likely have felt (lots of) resentment of sorts towards those persons, nowadays I try to "minimize my suffering" and feel a bit more at peace "letting things be". But the behind-lying-reasons still remain in the background & send new impulses of resentment my way at times.

***

Thinking: "never mind", "whatever", helps, the issue sinks away. But in the mean time, I do feel forced to deal with my feelings when you meet/talk to the persons in question. I am also likely to "avoid" the confrontations, which feels forced. I don't wish to live like that way.

What am I to do ?

Right now, if I get the feeling someone contacts me only "when they need me" I give minimal input in a friendly way, but take a reserved position. In the past I would likely have thought, don't even talk to me or something, cuz I know what your about etc. etc. I am usually very direct with people, but actually I do not wish to be in these situations, I say this cuz that's how I usually deal with it.

What would be a Buddhist approach?
Seeking enlightenment, thank you!

Comments

  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited January 2010
    One question, Hank, do you ever contact your friends when you don't need them? Just askin'...

    Palzang
  • Hank777Hank777
    edited January 2010
    Hi Palzang,

    As a matter of fact I do! And I like to offer my help to them as well.

    Just to be clear here though I was NOT referring to people that are/consider my friends, I am referring to people I "simply know" as collegues for example or I used to be friends with.
  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited January 2010
    OK, just trying to get a handle on what you're saying. I do think, however, that it is important to remember that whatever sentient being you have contact with is your teacher and they are teaching you something. What that teaching is may not always be obvious. Could be patience. Could be tolerance. Could be the need for clarity on your part to know when to stand up for yourself and when to let down your guard. I don't know. Something to contemplate anyway.

    Palzang
  • Hank777Hank777
    edited January 2010
    Thanks Palzang, insightful comment.
    ... Could be the need for clarity on your part to know when to stand up for yourself ...
    I feel this is most likely where I am at ... when I write about these matters, what would that entail then ... how do I stand up for myself, I bet ignoring people like this would not be the Buddhist way...?
  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited January 2010
    Well, no need to be rude. You could just be straight with them, though from a posture of loving kindness. I've found that people respect you more when you're straight with them than if you play mind games with them or are just plain rude, don't you?

    Palzang
  • Hank777Hank777
    edited January 2010
    Well, no need to be rude. You could just be straight with them, though from a posture of loving kindness. I've found that people respect you more when you're straight with them than if you play mind games with them or are just plain rude, don't you?
    Hey there Palzang,

    No I totally agree, and I have always been a "call-it-like-it-is" kinda guy (and I def. don't play mind-games on others),the problem is though, I don't feel like taking the discussion that far.

    With good friends YES absolutely, with strangers sometimes (rude behavior etc.,) but here I don't feel that being direct/having a conversation is what I really want (anymore). Being polite/friendly, but reserved seems to work best.

    But I really appreciate any kind of suggestion, THANKS!
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